<p>Right. For certain students, Exeter, Andover and dare I say Choate, ARE the right fit and for the very successful among them, Harvard, Yale and their non Ivy equivalents ARE also the RIGHT FIT. There’s nothing wrong with that contrary to what you might read on this board.</p>
<p>The "right’ kid will get the world. sun, moon and stars out of virtually any college they go to. The ‘wrong’ kid will get virtually nothing out of HYPSM.</p>
<p>I view sending my son to BS as a step in the direction of making him the ‘right’ kid, thus reducing the pressure on college selection. He will have the tools and ability to be successful. Can he get them at college? yes but he can also get lots more, and why not get them earlier when you are more malleable/ impressionable if possible.</p>
<p>College name recognition works wonder if you’re interested in investment banking. Otherwise, it’s overrated.</p>
<p>Well, just to be a blunt sample of 1:
I went to PA.
Will I send any of my three children there: No.
Was PA a ticket to Ivy acceptance for me? Yes.
Did I accept said Ivy (H)? No.
Did I pick a preference for a better “fit” college? Yes.
Did I return to same said Ivy for graduate degree? Yes.
Did I regret it for most of my time there, because it was still an awful fit, even for graduate training? Yes.
Does any of this really matter? Absolutely.
Are the Trustees of Phillips Academy who guide the institution overwhelmingly dominated by corporate executives, without virtually any representation from the fields of education, psychology, the arts or humanities? Yes.
If your goal if for your child to join the world of upwardly mobile suits, PA and an Ivy may just be your golden ticket. Enjoy the ride!</p>
<p>+1 to PelicanDad.</p>
<p>Thank you for kind words, Exie.</p>
<p>Regardless of the outcome on M10, soon afterwards, I hope to share our newbie application adventure, thus paying forward.
I found this board tremendously helpful especially posts by Exie, Sevendad, GMT+, and more that my senile brain can’t recall now.</p>
<p>Best of luck with your child’s college application.</p>
<p>PelicanDad, that’s very depressing. Sorry it happened to you. I suppose you could be considered the “wrong kid” as in kidsparent’s post, who would “get virtually nothing out of HYPSM”. I didn’t know it could be that bad. I guess I’ve had a tougher life. I didn’t have that kind of luck or luxury to be unhappy in an Andover or an Ivy, and at many of the most different times, all I could think of was how to adapt, survive and make most of it, and when I look back I am just grateful for those moments because I know without them I couldn’t be where I am. </p>
<p>Good luck to you and your children.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Absolutely beautiful statement, kidsparent! I couldn’t agree more.</p>
<p>But, of course, I’m biased. My kid attends a BS none of you have ever heard of and is thriving.</p>
<p>And, by the way to correct something that was said earlier about trading “happiness” for four years for “happiness” for life . . . a good high school experience is not about producing “happy” students, it’s about producing students who love learning, and that is something that will last them for life. It’s also, in my book, significantly more important than the name of the college they end up attending.</p>
<p>O Alden, be at ease! I’m just a series of black and white figures on your screen. The organic human who typed these figures has forged a very fulfilling life, probably in part due to the habit of overcoming of adversity you note. The thing I enjoy the most is that I am peaking professionally now; the classmates I feel the most distance from are the ones who remain convinced their apex was the day acceptances came into our mailboxes in GW Hall.</p>
<p>I was back in Andover last year for the first time in 20 as my DC took the field representing a visiting squad. There was a strong nostalgia for being exactly back where I had been more than 2 decades prior, watching my DC play a sport I love dearly on fields where I spent 3 years of my life. And I cheered loudly, and not for PA. And that day, the visitors won.</p>
<p>+1 to PelicanDad, Ackmom, BSHopeful, MBLoveless, Kidsparent, Dodgersmom, et al</p>
<p>:-)</p>
<p>Baystateresident,</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong with that. Of course, the admissions committees’ perception of fit may not align with parents’ perceptions, and fit is necessary but not sufficient for admission to prep schools and colleges. Hooks matter for both prep schools and colleges. </p>
<p>I think the word “fail” was the trigger for some of the stronger responses. If some 20% of PA graduates matriculate to HYPMS, does that count as “success”? Do those who don’t achieve that “fail”? Of the applicants to PA, then, only 14% are accepted. Only 20% of the matriculated students matriculate at HYPMS. So, are only 3 of every 100 applicants to Phillips Academy successful? Do the rest fail?</p>
<p>Do their parents tell them that? </p>
<p>Do their parents even need to tell them that, if they grow up hearing certain people tagged as successes, and others as failures, merely on the strength of whimsical admissions decisions? </p>
<p>March 10th will soon arrive. Past years’ threads demonstrate many strong candidates aren’t accepted to any boarding school. For many students this is the first time they’ve ever not succeeded at anything. How parents frame the outcome makes a difference.</p>
<p>Your child. Your choice.</p>
<p>Can we agree on the following?</p>
<ol>
<li><p>PA, PEA, or the Ivies are not the best fit for every student, but they are the best fit for some students. </p></li>
<li><p>It is appropriate for a parent to consider college matriculation as one factor among many factors in the prep school admission process. </p></li>
<li><p>The Ivies and Stanford are elite schools, but they are not the only elite schools. </p></li>
<li><p>Elite schools do not guarantee success, but they can greatly help enterprising and talented students prosper. </p></li>
<li><p>The level of success some children achieve should not be a limiting principle for the level of success other children can achieve.</p></li>
<li><p>There should be equality of opportunity, not equality of results.</p></li>
<li><p>Aspiring to attend an elite prep school or a top college can be a worthy goal so long as it does not become a crippling obsession.</p></li>
<li><p>Political correctness should not conflict with diversity of thought.</p></li>
<li><p>No one has a monopoly on the truth.</p></li>
<li><p>Children are smarter than their parents.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>jmilton, I especially like N10 on your list.
You are so right ! :)</p>
<p>“10. Children are smarter than their parents.”</p>
<p>Yes, and we parents can only be grateful that they are not wiser…</p>
<p>It’s our obession with being “number 1” that rears its ugly head over and over. You must know that it doesn’t stop by going through a GLADCHEMMS school then a Harvard. One must be the top of the class at each place, then go on to a stellar career – it’s the ONLY way to be number one – and once there, will that person be number one among other numbers one? Well, if not, then one might justly say: “Oh dear, looks like we’ve failed, doesn’t it?”</p>
<p>It is LONELY at the top, but, hey, if one doesn’t mind shedding a bit of humanity with every rung one goes up then it just might be worth it! I suppose the saving grace of it all is that once nicely settled at the top of the heap with the few others that have “made it”, one can go about subtlely comparing credentials to others so as to at long last see who is the ‘real’ number one…then go about one’s darndest to unseat the scoundrel! </p>
<p>It’s a wonderful life.</p>
<p>Great list, Jmilton, and I agree with all of it.</p>
<p>Absolutely - good summary. Especially this one (having seen one too many suicide attempts. bulimia and depression on a BS campus when I was a student):</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Therein often lies the rub - and it’s often based on subjective analysis rather than objective or quantitative. Hence obsession chasing the end of a rainbow that is merely an illusion caused by sunlight reflecting on water particles in just the right way. IVy’s are good schools for many students. But as with everything - fit involves more than just “reputation.”</p>
<p>+1 Leanid :-)</p>
<p>Thanks Exie. By the way, you’re number one in my book…no, just kidding ;)</p>
<p>For me, the issue isnt failure. Its how and in what circumstances we should give our children a prudent opportunity to succeed. </p>
<p>Our children wont always be successful. But there is a difference between not succeeding and failing. For example, no one should regard a child who does not succeed in getting admitted to an Ivy League school as a failure. Hence, I dont view applying to an Ivy League school as a binary choice between success and failure. </p>
<p>I understand our inclination as parents to shield our children from disappointment. But isnt that a Quixotic desire given the inevitable disappointments of life? Dont our children often learn best from their disappointments? And, isnt it better to swing and occasionally miss than never step up to the plate at all?</p>
<p>Here’s what I worry about, jmilton - and why I expressed concern with OP. Because many of us - perhaps even you - have seen what enormous pressure some of these students shoulder because of the pass/fail mentality coming from home. It includes suicide and depression.</p>
<p>We stop letting students be students - we stop letting them learn from failure. They’re expected to be IVY track from the moment of birth.</p>
<p>Over the years we’ve seen other adults pushing the idea that only PA or PEA were good options and making comparisons about “lesser” schools. The parents go on to talk about return on investment and fighting back at anyone who suggests a more balanced outlook. As you can guess - and as we predicted - those children often don’t matriculate to the desired school. In one case, the school was blunt in their assessment of fit - going as far as to tell the family their student wasn’t “their kind of kid.” We do try to warn that the family dynamics is sometimes looked at as part of the package. Attitude and behavior do sometimes (often) count.</p>
<p>Preparing our children is as much about aiming for the mountain as it is about realistic internal assessments about choices and understanding the hidden rules before we break them. </p>
<p>My question is - what happens to OP’s kid if he fails to achieve BS admission and - later - also fails IVY admission? Shouldn’t the goal be happy, healthy, fulfilled (by the student’s needs, not the parents desires?) Like I said - I have friends who were happy at Acronyms and Ivy’s. And others who were not and kept up a good front. In a recent case, a friend attended her daughter’s Princeton graduation and cried because she hated the school and the impact on her daughter. Her daughter revealed she stayed because she thought being there - miserable as she was - made her parents proud. I had suggested Yale and Brown as alternatives. Or even Harvard, where I’d been on staff and still had connections. But sometimes students mirror what they think their parents want. They want to please. And we ruin their lives in the process by setting up barriers that prevent them from course correcting when reality hits.</p>
<p>I’m not adverse to people wanting PA, PEA or Ivys. Only when they want them for reasons based on unrealistic expectations. Isn’t that an example of waxing Quixotic?</p>