Men often seem to be the opposite of women, in not acknowledging their creeping obesity when it occurs (versus women often seemingly thinking that they are fat even when they are not). While some “overweight” people are heavy with muscle rather than fat, it does appear that men are much more likely to believe that to be true of themselves even when it is not.
If you went from underweight to low-normal weight while everyone else went from normal weight to obese, it is not surprising that they still see you as “the skinny guy”.
If you travel often, it is startling to come back to the US and see the difference in the weights of Americans vs most any other country I have traveled to. I am not talking about an extra 15-20 pounds either…on average we are huge and I do not think it is healthy.
The two are related. If men were judged more on their weight, there was more social stigma, etc. I would expect more men would notice their own weight and that of others. And if it were less true for women, I would expect there would fewer women focused on weight.
I am still viewed as the skinny guy. People who didn’t know me in high school often don’t believe what I weighed back then. Even some who did don’t believe it. Too many people give me credit for any of it. I don’t watch what I eat or exercise enough to make a difference.
Different people have different abilities to lose/maintain weight. I know people with fast metabolisms who view themselves as disciplined and in control. And some people can substitute a salad for 2-3 meals a week or walk on a treadmill for 20 minutes a couple times a week and drop weight. They often view people who struggle to lose/maintain weight as being weak and/or undisciplined. May not be the case though.
Like a lot of issues discussed on this site, its complicated.
Weight alone is meaningless. As mentioned above, you can have a great BMI, be skinny, but have little to zero muscle mass and visceral fat around your organs.
A body fat test will tell a person the amount of body fat they have versus lean muscle mass.
Men or women, skinny with no muscle mass isn’t attractive IMO. But I may be in the minority. As we age we’re losing muscle. And that’s not good.
Like @yearstogo, I am struck by how much heavier overweight Americans are compared to counterparts in other countries. IMO, it is not simply due to genetics. I think part of the difference can be attributed to culture and lifestyle - for example, Americans seem to value “supersized” portions (you don’t see such promotions generally in other countries and regular US portions are already large compared to typical servings in other countries) and live more sedentary lives (I tend to drive everywhere wherever I am in the US (except NYC) whereas I walk much more here in the UK). As I reflect further, I also think there might be differences in the relationship people have with food - for example, I don’t see binge eating being a phenomenon in countries outside of the US, even though many people experience high levels of stress in daily life.
Another interesting aspect is that America is also a country of extremes - compared to other countries, there are also many more super-fit, muscular people around (although this is becoming more of a thing outside the US).
I also think there is a different relationship between Americans and food. Europeans spend much more time and money on food and dining. High quality, fresh ingredients are easily accessible and long breaks to eat are common in a schools and work. And yes, less cars and more walking.
Also think there is a big double standard with men and women regarding weight and aging. Old overweight men seem to think they have some magical pass where their looks don’t matter and they can comment on women’s appearances. I hate that.
And lastly, yes to not equating health with thinness. I know plenty of thin people who have all kinds of health problems that is causing the weight loss or mal absorption.
We do too much judgement and comparing instead of trying to find our own happiness and balance.
I agree with that which is why I say “may not be the case though” rather than “isn’t the case though” and said its complicated.
There are definitely issues beyond genetics. I know a lot of people for whom food is central in every part of their lives. But for other people (myself included) its not.
Ultimately I think people have weight ranges. You can be anywhere inside your range but its a challenge to be outside that range (on either side) for very long.
I agree on the men’s, “magical pass.” My now-deceased fil was notorious for this. While watching old family movies he would say to mil, “Why don’t you look like that anymore?” when the footage was 40+ years old!!! No one looks like they did 40 years prior in ANY capacity! Look in the mirror, buddy!
My college roommate’s fil makes comments about people being fat all the time. He is easily 350 lbs and plays Santa Claus without padding every Christmas!
Not to get on a lot of male-bashing here, but the standards for themselves v the standards for women do seem to be different.
I wonder how significant this is - the centrality of food. Food is just not that important to me. I’d have even more time to waste around here on CC if I didn’t have to shop for and prepare food.
I self medicated with food for a long time. Food = safety for me and it took a long time to get to the root of why and start to change the emotional habits.
Food is still very important in my life. I love to cook, try new recipes, and we are a sit down at the table for every meal kind of family, even now that it’s just H and I. It’s honestly like a fun hobby. Helps that H loves to grocery shop with me and is an enthusiastic eater.
That said, I cook from scratch, a very vegetable and fish heavy Mediterranean diet, and I’m careful about my portion sizes.
@Hoggirl and maybe part of the women’s comments to you since you were at a restaurant was directed towards the food you ate or didn’t eat! (You mentioned that food is not important to you). When you LOVE food and exploring food (me!) it’s hard to understand how someone could not feel the same! Just another perspective maybe?
I knew this thread would get off on weight tangents - that was a given….
But I just had to say this….maybe our friends/family wouldn’t have these comments to say if we were together unclothed! - I mean it’s one think to not weight a big number but what’s under those clothes? THAT can be another story!
How did I miss this thread yesterday? Phew, there’s a lot here.
Definitely agree that these comments are about your friends and how they feel about themselves and not you. Well, about you only in the fact that you are a natural reverse “foil” – a living, breathing example of how they don’t measure up and because they are hyper-aware of their weight, especially when compared to yours, they feel compelled to comment. Our internal dialogues can be really sad.
I have struggled with weight my entire life. I know that this is about me and no one else. I am at a place in my life where I finally am near peace with where I am. I have lost 50 pounds and would love to be 20 pounds lighter, which would get me into normal/low end of overweight on the BMI scale. But as my old fitness thread pal sushiritto points out, BMI is hardly a good measure of health and fitness. I have regular DEXA scans as part of my workout classes (they are included in the cost) and have learned so much – I have amazing bone density and greater lean muscle mass than 80% of women my age. I may not be as lean as some, but I am strong and healthy. My most recent blood pressure reading was 106/61, and I have never taken BP meds. Unfortunately for me, all that goodness is covered by too much fat! lol But I know I am healthy and strong and that has helped me not worry so much about my weight.
We are all a work in progress. I always told my kids that we don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors. Someone could look wealthy and be terribly in debt. A family may present loving but be in horrible dysfunction. Someone may look thin but may have gotten there in unhealthy ways. Best to work on yourself and worry less about others.
ETA: If you’ve never struggled with weight, please believe someone who always has that it’s a truly sad burden that so many carry every single day.
Health and strong has always been my mantra too. That’s way more important than a number on the scale or on a clothing tag. The important numbers are blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose, etc…
Oh, and I should take this opportunity to invite everyone over to the health and fitness thread if you are trying to make exercise and healthy living a larger part of your life. We are totally chill there and at different places on the journey. A low-key place to check in if you want some accountability or just want to vent/celebrate.
@momofboiler1 i agree with the “healthy snd strong” - my guess is many saying the type of comments OP received are not in the groove of “healthy snd strong” - it’s not part of their lifestyle so they focus on what they know - being thin or being overweight.
That’s why I like naturist resorts. Seeing all those bodies really removes the weight stigma for some reason. I know nobody will believe me, but it’s true. You can argue with me after you’ve visited a resort.
That’s not the preferred term, but yes. There are lots of places, even in the US. Some of them have been around since the 1930s. There’s an organization that the resorts belong to that has lots of strict rules for membership. No monkey business in public is allowed.
I’d say that most people who visit the resorts are 50 and above, although there are younger people, too.
