Ha ha! She did run. She was really young - maybe 30. Says she maintains those eating habits to help develop and improve her fitness. The irony is that this group is pretty dang fit. I mean, the night we go is their fun/social/light night. But within it are numerous marathoners, ultra runners, and iron men tri-athletes. Most of them are older. Most of them do some kind of training every day. Everyone listened to her patiently. I told dh that I was undoubtedly pretty full of myself and insufferable at 30 as well.
One of the benefits of growing older should be the ability to show grace.
I’d be curious (not really ) to hear her thoughts about how her “eating habits” help develop her “fitness.” How does one define “fitness”? You could put 100 people in a room to discuss “fitness” and you would probably get 100 different opinions.
After doing some research (okay, listening to a few podcasts) I can see how women in our (US) society are continuously conditioned to be small and pretty, see a huge value in that, and do everything to stay that way. It’s not surprising that we self-blame, turn to each other for validation (or conversely, criticize each other), or adopt extreme diet/lifestyle habits to fulfill those ideals.
Returning to the original theme of the thread (I think!) - as women we can hopefully see each other impacted (to greater/lesser degrees) by that larger system and support each other. I’ve really enjoyed the posts on how to do that!
Will anyone tell the member who invited Miss Competitive Healthiness how the others felt about her boring lectures? I suspect not, since you said people listened patiently. The competitive healthy generally don’t realize how they come across (as witnessed on CC).
I am within 4 or so pounds of my wedding weight, so get compliments and questions about how I stay so skinny. Well, I wouldn’t classify myself as skinny, but certainly as I get older I seem more so, especially in comparison to others around my age. When asked how I do it, I tell them my main mode of exercise and that I deny myself a lot in terms of what I’d like to eat. I’m a sugar addict, and will probably always be so. (I don’t need any lectures from the Competitive Healthy about how to overcome that, thankyouverymuch.) It’s the price I’m willing to pay. I will say that it’s helped to keep my blood sugar in a healthy range. My doctor seems to be of the mind that the lower my weight, the better. I just realized after my last physical that my BMI is now in the range for people my age that is just a tad under what is recommended (apparently a higher BMI is recommended as one gets older, I suppose to guard against the shrinking that can occur at some point). No lectures needed re BMI, either, as we’ve already gotten that lecture here on this thread.
One thing re women and weight and aging, though – women’s faces often look better with a few extra pounds. So there is that tradeoff – a few extra pounds with a better-looking face or a lower weight with a face that doesn’t look as good?
It’s all so complicated for women! This is something men can’t understand.
I’ve been thinking about this. Guess I have nothing else going on when I’m awake in the middle of the night.
I feel very sorry for this young woman. Nothing that you said sounds healthy. It also seem to me to that it does nothing to improve her fitness level either.
It sounds incredibly restrictive and obsessive. A 3 hour window of eating. Restricted to plant based and fermented foods. Monopolizing a conversation that with people you’ve never interacted with. Very sad imo Lack of food and hunger will keep you fixated on it.
I used to socialize with a person who had very restrictive eating patterns. Covid has pretty much taken away the events we used to interact in. Sometimes her fixation on food and HER diet issues were her only and definitely her most frequent topics of discussion. A new restaurant would put her in a dither. She would always make changes to whatever salad (and she only eats salad).
In the end I found it very tiresome to be around her. I really don’t care what you eat or don’t eat. But please, I just can’t have it be the main topic at every meal I have with you.
But I find these conversations about food, diets and general fixation on food to be tiresome. I have much more interesting things I want to talk about. IRL, here I don’t mind these conversations as I find them interesting and helpful. Just not in an unhealthy, obsessive way.
I don’t eat fish. I don’t talk about it much; it’s boring and no one’s business. But whenever it comes up – and I don’t bring it up – people want to talk about it, as if it’s sooooooooo strange. Of course people ask “Why,” and my only answer is, “Because I don’t like it.” Everyone has something they don’t like. Can’t you just leave me alone?
Oh, yes. I have a friend who says, “You can save your face or you can save your body, but you can’t save both.”
I imagine she’ll settle down a bit if she continues to join our group regularly. I really think people are often lacking self-awareness in general. Once she started, people were asking her, “why,” questions.
Someone upthread suggested the podcast Maintenance Phase and I listened to it while running this morning (a little competitive healthiness on my part??? LOL) Thanks for the rec. I enjoyed it.
The episode was on eating disorders. The narrators talked about orthorexia as a new label for people who take that competitive healthiness too far.
@Hoggirl I think there is a Zsa Zsa Gabor quote about choosing your face or your ass to look good after a certain age!
I don’t comment on appearance, period. I have been taught by my kids. I am not even supposed to say “I like that shirt” according to them. And one male friend employed in a law office said exactly that to a female and a lawyer walking by said “be careful that is actionable!”
If I were in the bathroom with a friend who said “I am so fat” I would look right at them and say “don’t let this sick culture get to you.”
I’ve been thinking about the OP’s quandary of what to say.
It depends on the friend and the context, but I think I might say, “Seriously! Aren’t we old enough to not care anymore?”
On one hand, it does start a conversation if your friend wants to go there. Maybe she has reasons beyond “general societal values” for caring. Maybe it plays out in her health or relationships and she wants to share.
On the other, it pretty much puts it in its place if it’s about how we look. We all know that what we value in each other is what’s inside.
Right. There is a big difference between somebody who is carrying a few extra pounds and somebody who has a lot of extra weight that is impacting health and quality of life.
I was a skinny kid with a huge appetite due to some medical issues, it was really quite bothersome when that changed between surgery and puberty. I would say it took a decade before I could see the ‘new me’ as the way I was supposed to be and not something to correct. I am not at all small, but, in general, I am active, muscular, low pulse, low BP, low cholesterol, and fit. That is ok with me, now, it took a while to get there.
I also recall tight jeans where your hip bones should protrude, thigh gaps, feeling huge when hitting 120# etc. I remember thinking I was too heavy and when I see photos now I look great, but I also see photos where I look puffy, usually hormonally driven like being on the pill. I have been at a happy weight for the last 10-20 years, happy as in 10# less would be ideal, but I am content. I actually have a range with acceptable highs & lows, and as long as I don’t go above that highest number, even if I wish I could lose a few pounds, I don’t talk to myself about it. That has worked well for me until some pain issues the last few years cut back on my exercise levels, now I am above my own healthy upper limit and looking forward to when I feel good enough to drop a few pounds as it is just more comfortable at that slightly lower number.
My poor little Momma came from a petite family, maybe 5’1" tops and one had to be under 100# to, I guess, win the game of life. I had an aunt who could spot the moment someone topped 100# and would point it out to a room full of people, healthily most of us in my generation did not take her comments to heart. At many inches taller than all of them, it would have been horrid if I was sub 100. The winning sisters were under 100# and the fat sisters were all of 102-106#. It was ridiculous.
I like compmom’s comment, "don’t let this sick culture get to you’
About what decade were your mother and aunts born? That’s so good that the daughters of these women (presuming they were amongst the women in your generation in the room that you mention) didn’t internalize any of it!
Remember the old rule of 100 lbs. for 5’ and then 5 lbs. for every additional inch of height over 5’? (This might have been on old life insurance tables?) Seems like your mother’s family didn’t take into account that more height means more weight?
) to hear her thoughts about how her “eating habits” help develop her “fitness.” How does one define “fitness”? You could put 100 people in a room to discuss “fitness” and you would probably get 100 different opinions.
