<p>The last 2 paragraphs of your post #21 are great; you should re-post on parents forum (even tho this thread is a sticky - is that what they call them?)</p>
<p>You articulated my son’s situation (a few years ago) to a T in paragraph #3. And in paragraph #4, I believe your sister is so right - this is some of the wisest advice I’ve seen, not just for college students, for anyone. A lot of people advise kids to do things that are too far out of their comfort zone like “go knock on doors’”; that’s usually not going to happen; your advice is much more doable by those with a narrow comfort zone, and it’s not something they would be likely to otherwise realize. Thank you.</p>
<p>That is a biggie. Many of us won’t wander too far past the Comfort Zone. Some won’t breach it ever. If during the K-12 years, a student has rarely had to breach the comfort zone and make the first effort towards making new acqaintances or attend a function ALONE, then going off to college without a posse of pals can be difficult. </p>
<p>I agree that most students aren’t going to “knock on doors” and do brazen things like that. But, even sitting/studying in the school’s Starbucks can sometimes lead to making a new friend. </p>
<p>New friends ARE out there…but you have to have the right body language for the connections to occur.</p>
<p>OP, like others I have zero knowledge about UA, however I do have firsthand knowledge about a kid not clicking with their school, and uttering the (dreaded) ‘transfer’ word; in our case it was uttered 6 weeks in.</p>
<p>My suggestion, based on my own experience, is to encourage your S to research and begin the transfer process. My D had to have her apps in by Feb/March, and that did not leave a lot of time (between classes and stress). But she guided the process, and I stood (quietly) by offering my ears and shoulders as she unraveled and put new pieces together. I made her be in charge so that she, and she alone, would have to understand the ramifications (if any).</p>
<p>I am happy to report that that process began 6 years ago, she transferred, and the next school was a far better fit for her, and her goals.</p>
<p>Sure, for some kids they may eventually fit in, and get through the 4 years, but for some, they may not, and 4 years is a very long time to ‘white knuckle’.</p>
<p>It is too early to begin the transfer process. School has just begun…it’s not been 6 weeks as was in your D’s case. </p>
<p>Beginning the transfer process this early is premature and would likely interfere with the possibility that the student will “click” with the school.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this student is attending Bama on a scholarship, but if he is, transferring prematurely can just mean the unnecessary loss of a scholarship and then incurring large costs at the new school. Aid and merit is often horrible for transfer students. </p>
<p>Anyone considering a transfer at ANY school should wait til they see their FA pkg before cutting ties with their current school. All too often, the arrival of a crappy aid pkg as a transfer student changes lots of things.</p>
<p>No one is suggesting the student “white knuckle” for 4 years, but my goodness, give it at least a semester or two.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this student purchased football tix, but if he did, he should tailgate with the Honors College and then go to the game with that group.</p>
<p>Yes, first week of classes is just about wrapped up. I have heard from my son, and he is still working on finding his footing socially. I am so grateful that many CCers have asked their kids to make contact with him. I have even received PMs from parents with kids at other colleges. He has received the email from me about BEING a friend in order to MAKE a friend. By no means does he feel comfortable yet, but I am convinced that once he gets more involved in his engineering classes AND intramurals (sports are really his true love!) he will make the most of his opportunities at UA. BTW, the “transfer” word is not permitted at this time…he knows that I feel even considering this option now would prohibit him from giving a complete effort in his transition process at UA. More to follow as I hear from him…</p>
<p>Thanks to you ALL for caring so much. Obviously this topic resonates with so many, as the thread has become such a popular one!</p>
<p>That is probably the biggest reason I think this will all work out for you son given a little time… This is the Bama family, caring is what we do. Parents and kids alike.</p>
<p>Boy, if sports is his true love he will find thousands of kindred spirits at UA. Load up on those intramurals and athletic/rec oriented clubs! And Roll Tide, too. :)</p>
<p>Yes, he has a football ticket…auburn ticket package.</p>
<p>He wants to get involved in intramural football, basketball, and tennis. Golf clubs may be coming down with us Family Weekend. I “suggested” on one of his trips to the rec center that he get a contact list for intramural sports!</p>
<p>*
He wants to get involved in intramural football, basketball, and tennis*</p>
<p>Ok! </p>
<p>For basketball there is both intramurals, but also last minute pick-up games going on frequently. My son often just shows up in one of the gyms and plays with whatever group needs extra players. He also has a a group that he plays with regularly.</p>
<p>My son also plays tennis at the rec, but not formally with intramurals,</p>
<p>Please have him look over the links for intramurals since Fall signups may be going on NOW or very soon.</p>
<p>I told my son about this thread, described the OP’s son’s predicament, and he said, “That was me all through September of last year.”</p>
<p>He said the turning-point came in late September, when he went on a camping trip with several of his new buds from the Navigators group. I guess it was one of those “male-bonding” experiences. </p>
<p>At the time, I was kind of PO’d about this camping trip, because it caused DS to miss an important 8 o’clock class. (Yes, I was in full Helicopter-Mom Mode back then.) But I guess, as a parent, you have to put this stuff in perspective.</p>
<p>Around the same time, a girl started showing interest in DS. I think that helped, too. ;-)</p>
<p>Bottom line: Hang in there!! It <em>does</em> get better.</p>
<p>BTW, that dance at the Ferg sounds great. Swing dancing is a blast!! The Jitterbug has to be one of the funnest dances ever. And no, I’m not old enough to remember it when it first came out. I was taught it right before a “let’s-revive-ballroom-dancing” dance, just like this one, in graduate school. :)</p>
<p>This thread just reiterates to me that students coming to a college alone (any college) really do need to actively participate in the Welcome Week activities and/or any offerings like AA or OA. </p>
<p>the beauty of OA and AA is that most kids show up alone, so there isn’t an expectation that you need to show up with a friend. </p>
<p>And, frankly, I think the Swing Dancing stuff needs to START during WOW week, but be the secondary activity of something else that gets kids there…like free BBQ food or something.</p>
<p>Dr. Corson (math prof) and his wife also teach Swing (I think).</p>
<p>I remember my first week OOS at Purdue in '74…the Head of my Department had sent a snailmail (what else?) invite in late summer to a MANDATORY 5pm meeting the day or two before first day of class…turned out to be a cook-out and party with the upperclassmen in my major. I remember being sooooo relieved to actually meet some peeps and ended up hanging out with a few even before classes began. And it quelched some of my trepidation about whether I could hack the courseload. Very comforting.</p>
<p>It was stated on a thread here somewhere that fellow classmates in your major will become your set of friends (or at least one of them)…any activities that can enable that sense of “group” are better initiated sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>TXArchitect: My D was at the swing dance Friday night along with a few of her friends. By the look of the photos on the CTBD FB page, a good time was had by all. I think the first photos on FB showed the students getting their “swing” dance lesson. Hence the deer in the headlights look that some of the kids sported. ;)</p>
<p>My D had a great time like always. I hope that some of your students join in when they can. It truly is a fun atmosphere. Hopefully, the students will enjoy their WOW coming up soon.</p>
<p>M2CK, I totally agree. Outdoor Action really helped my D acclimate and meet people, and she told DH that doing OA was one of the best decisions she ever made.</p>