<p>Thanks for the update. Did he go to last Saturday’s game? Is he going to the Honors game-watching get-together today? If not, try to encourage that.</p>
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<p>This sounds like a good start for involvement.</p>
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<p>??? Is he not eating? </p>
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<p>Is this new? Is it from nerves? too much caffeine products during the day? Is he exercising too late in the evening?</p>
<p>Does he know any relaxation techniques? Malanai probably knows some. One that works for our family is slowly relaxing the extremeties, starting with fingers and toes, moving up the limbs, then to the rest of the body. Have him pay attention to how his hands are when he’s trying to sleep…are his hands in fist, or are they relaxed?</p>
<p>Has he tried an OTC sleep aid? If he does, make sure he takes it a good 10 hours before he needs to wake up…otherwise be sure to buy the pill form (not gel) and cut it in half. </p>
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<p>That’s a plus in the long run, but may be a part of the insomnia.</p>
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<p>So sad!!! </p>
<p>Likely, texts and Facebook messaging has been quite active amongst his HS friends over this and their own new college experiences.</p>
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<p>One of the negatives of things like Facebook and such is that if the student who goes away is constantly reading updates about things that the home-friends are doing together. It might be best to discourage spending too much time on FB or doing other things that constantly connect him to his home town.</p>
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<p>A great positive for him…he hasn’t missed a class and is doing very well academically. I am definitely happy for that!!<<<<<</p>
<p>These are good positives. And, tell him to keep his eye open for a new GF. Bama is spilling over with lovely young ladies!!!</p>
<p>Insomnia and weight loss are frequently symptoms of depression. UA has a wonderful counseling center. It might be wise to schedule an appointment for a depression screening. Left untreated, depression can wreak havoc in an individual’s life. If your son is experiencing clinical depression, there is no reason for him to suffer needlessly.</p>
<p>I agree that Facebook can give the student the impression that EVERYONE is out, having BIG fun, doing thing together…things from which the student has been excluded.</p>
<p>When I was a kid, back in the dark ages, one was careful to shield the feelings of those who were not invited, could not be included, etc., by NOT BROADCASTING the event. Parents encouraged us to include EVERYONE so as to save feelings.</p>
<p>These days, that common courtesy seems to have been thrown out the window as kids feel compelled not only to post, but to provide photo documentation, of every sort of situation in which they find themselves involved.</p>
<p>While I enjoy seeing the kids post game-day pics and such, sometimes the small, exclusionary outings/slumber parties/swim parties could remain on the down-low (or posted only in private “groups”), when posting only emphasizes the exclusionary nature of the event.</p>
<p>Regarding a sleep aid: I’d suggest that he try melatonin first (it’s an amino acid.) It’s not addictive and it doesn’t make you groggy. Sleep is a wonderful medicine. Even if everything is going perfectly, if I don’t get a minimum of 7 hours of sleep a night I don’t function well. With all the other adjustments at the beginning of freshman year, insomnia will not make that any easier.</p>
<p>You can get melatonin anywhere there are vitamins (Publix, Target, CVS, etc.)</p>
<p>Thank you for the update. I’m glad to see that things appear to be on a better path.</p>
<p>It is worth noting a quote I saw recently online. “Other people’s lives can seem more interesting because you only see the highlight reel.” </p>
<p>I agree with malanai that a visit to the counseling center might be a great idea.</p>
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<p>Learning about yourself is an essential part of college many people forget to have. Life is not always fun or easy, but it is often the difficult times that help us define who we are as human beings.</p>
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<p>These are all great activities. Keep in mind that he may not end up continuing with all these activities as he finds other stuff to do, there are scheduling conflicts, etc.</p>
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<p>Some people with depression end up gaining weight. Your son may be the opposite in that regard or he’s just getting a lot of exercise. Insomnia is not fun. The stress of being away from grieving high school classmates is not helping in this regard.</p>
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As m2ck mentioned, this is probably a good thing that is causing temporary stress. There should likely be a suggestion that one should not enter college having a bf/gf, especially if it would be a long distance relationship. If it is meant to be, they will get back together, even if it is 60 years from now and after one (or more) spouses. Some people have a hard time with the idea, but it is possible to love again. </p>
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<p>A term I often use when nothing especially exciting is going on in my life is “I’m just here.” The implication is that I’m working hard in preparation for the time when my ship does come in, be it tomorrow or sometime after that. I sincerely think that your son will look back on this year with appreciation for his efforts in making the best out of the situation and coming to terms with what he really wants in life. Scheduling a meeting with the FYE office is a great idea. Since he’s in honors, he might also want to schedule a meeting with Dr. Sharpe to see what other opportunities there are for him at UA. </p>
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<p>Not to burst your bubble, but pouring oneself into ones work is a very popular coping method. For example, one of my freshman year roommates who did eventually transfer to schools in his home state worked hard in all of his classes and was on the Presidents List for one or both of his two semesters at UA. That said, doing well in school pays future dividends.</p>
<p>Be very thankful that your son is not turning to tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs to combat his stress. I’ve seen close friends and family members go down this path and it is very difficult to help them quit and become happy again.</p>
<p>Also, did he sign up for the OOS student “mentoring and social activity club” called foUndAtions? If so, that should help a lot. There are no guarantees that he will get mentors, but I can see what I can do to see if he can get one (there is a limit of about 250-500 freshman mentees at this point.) </p>
<p>Part of the reason UA is expanding its OOS student programs and creating a mentoring/social activity program is that there is an unacceptably high proportion of freshmen, particularly those from neighboring states who are not in the Honors College, who do not return to UA for their sophomore year. UA recognizes this and is putting a lot of resources towards making OOS students feel more comfortable at UA.</p>
<p>*Also, did he sign up for the OOS student “mentoring and social activity club” called foUndAtions? If so, that should help a lot. There are no guarantees that he will get mentors, but I can see what I can do to see if he can get one (there is a limit of about 250-500 freshman mentees at this point.) *</p>
<p>Sea_Tide…</p>
<p>What is this group? How do OOS kids find out about it?</p>
<p>OOS students received an email about it in august, likely sent by Josh Burford, who was then Coordinator of Student Involvement, but is now leaving to another university. foUndAtions is part of the 49, which is the [relatively new] OOS student organization. I should also clarify that one does not have to be in foUndAtions to be a member of the 49.</p>
<p>It’s also been decided that students from Canada and the Caribbean are considered OOS students and are thus welcome to be part of the 49 as they generally don’t consider themselves to be international students except for institutional reporting purposes. </p>
<p>Several freshmen have already met with upperclassmen in the 49 (of which I’m one) to discuss transition issues. Other freshman have already attended some of the social planning events. As UA administration originally expressed a desire for an OOS student organization which led to the creation of the 49, we have a lot of connections with important faculty, staff, and administrators.</p>
<p>The next meeting of the 49 will be at 1pm on Sunday, September 1st on the steps of Gorgas library for a quick meeting and kickball. The Facebook group can be found by searching The 49 Student Organization.</p>
<p>If a freshman went to the OOS student reception in the Zone at Bryant Denny Stadium, that event was partially hosted by the 49. I may have even met some CC students there.</p>
<p>Denthyg: I am glad that your son has found some activities to get involved with. Getting to all his classes and staying on top of his course work is also a good sign.</p>
<p>As for the weight loss, perhaps it could simply be the adjustment to different food and lots of walking. Campus is big and although, the food is fine in the dining halls, some kids tire of the menus quickly. Have him buy some food staples that he enjoys and will be able to make on a regular basis. Of course, stress can induce weight loss or gain, so keep an eye on this.</p>
<p>Setting up a “transition meeting” is a very positive step. I am reposting that info here again for other parents/students in case they did not see my original post including that link and info:
**Have you or other new parents who are in your situation seen the “FYE” Website? It is about the “First Year Experience” at UA. The website is a little hinky but there is still plenty of great info there. Here is a link: First Year Experience</p>
<p>For instance, a student can set up an individual meeting to talk about transitioning to UA, see this:
Individual Transition Meetings
If your student wants to learn how to get plugged in or talk about their first year at UA, have them set up a meeting with an FYE staff member by emailing <a href=“mailto:fye@ua.edu”>fye@ua.edu</a>.</p>
<p>College is definitely a learning experience and not just in the academic sense</p>
<p>As Malanai has suggested, I would want to rule out possible depression issues. Depression in college kids is more common than we think…often rearing its head freshman year when the student first leaves home/familiarity…especially if there are anxiety issues as well. </p>
<p>Keep in mind that anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. Malanai can speak more to that. My sister is a therapist and often mentions that it can be hard to determine which came first… I don’t think in the end that matters as much as just getting treatment. </p>
<p>My sister’s practice has many, many young people. I don’t know if our culture is contributing or just that people are now more savvy and get treatment. </p>
<p>I don’t know what the process is for getting treatment at Bama; perhaps Malanai has looked into this and can comment. </p>
<p>I think I mentioned a Bama student from a couple of years ago. Didn’t get involved, stayed mostly in his room, was unpleasant to his roomies (and MESSY!!), put in for a transfer within a couple of weeks of school starting. Bad-mouthed the school…but the odd thing was that when he tranferred to his new school in the spring, he was soon saying that he didn’t like that school either. Turns out that he had depression. So, it really wasn’t Bama or his new school that were the issue.</p>
<p>A couple weeks after Get on Board Day, if a student hasn’t signed up for anything, Bama will call that student up to see if there is an adjustment problem and to see if the student needs help getting involved. </p>
<p>I think one problem is that new frosh as so used to the middle-school/high school culture of going to things “with someone”…and aren’t used to showing up alone, eating alone, etc. That was the stigma of the friendless in K-12…but it’s not one in college. So, that can take some getting used to. </p>
<p>Malanai…could you list some of the signs of both Depression and Anxiety? And what number of such symptoms MIGHT indicate that a person is suffering. We all know that diagnosis can’t occur without one on one with a health care professional, but I do know that if you exhibit a certain number of symptoms there’s a possibility of an issue.</p>
<p>To all in the Bama family: M2CK has asked me to address this point because she knows I am a clinical psychologist. What I share here is meant to be educational in nature. </p>
<p>There are basically two types of depression. One is a reaction to stress, trauma, and/or loss. The other is a medical disorder that often runs in families, typically appears in mid-adolescence through early adulthood, and can wax and wane irrespective of life events, though stress aggravates the condition.</p>
<p>Most of us think of depression as feeling blue. This, of course can be a primary feature of clinical depression, but in adolescents you may see irritability rather than depressed mood. Additional signs and manifestations of depression can include varied combinations of insomnia OR excessive sleep, weight/appetite loss OR weight gain/overeating, inability to derive pleasure from normally pleasurable activities, loss of motivation, apathy, impaired concentration, impaired short term memory, suicidal ideation, social withdrawal, low self-esteem, preoccupation with thoughts of death, low self-esteem, and rumination (repetitive worrying that often occurs when trying to fall asleep).</p>
<p>Depression is often accompanied by anxiety (repetitive worry, excessive tension, sweaty palms, feeling jittery, panic, etc.). </p>
<p>Some of these conditions require medication, but in these cases the best treatment is a combination of psychotherapy/counseling and medication. There is no stigma in receiving treatment unless one decides there is a stigma, which usually results in needless suffering and dysfunction. Keep in mind that all treatment is confidential BY LAW.</p>
<p>The bottom line is this: if you are wondering if you or your child needs help, do not hesitate. Go seek it from a qualified professional. </p>
<p>To the OP, I see that you are coming Family Weekend. Good timing! I suggest giving son a great big hug. Maybe bring him a treat from home, a special cake or nonperishable that you make at home? It will ease the homesickness and tide him through the hard times.</p>
<p>Keeping him in my prayers that he has a good semester and feels comfortable at school.</p>
<p>I hope he will be able to come home for fall break or Thanksgiving. While I know it’s expensive to get them home during breaks, I think it eases the transition being away from home for the early years, especially for those that are homebodies.</p>
<p>As an engineering major, with small class sections, he’ll see more and more familiar faces and make some good friends. My son went to the first game with his roommate’s church group and felt very comfortable with them, as he said he already knew most of them from the engineering school. </p>
<p>As for the weight loss, not to worry, unless this has been a problem in the past. I have a friend whose daughter is anorexic, so a ten pound weight loss would send them running. Barring that, losing the 10 pounds is natural, especially if he’s not a drinker. I think the myth of the Freshman 15 stems more from the amount of drinking that goes on for new students. My son has lost almost 50 pounds since starting Bama, without a major diet change. Also an engineering major, the amount of walking he does versus what he did in his one building high school was a welcome healthy addition to his lifestyle. Son was also an athlete in high school, so even though he is mostly a sedentary gamer, he was not a stranger to hard work and exercise.</p>
<p>I am sorry about the loss of his friends and girlfriend. I agree with others that he should seek counseling resources on campus if he feels the need to. Keeping his friends and their families in my prayers.</p>
<p>Take care and have a wonderful Family Weekend!</p>
<p>Please access the services at Bama. My son had a horrible time adjusting, but he was able to get the help he needed. They do not charge for the psychological counseling and it really helped him get back on track. In my sons case the depression got so bad that he had to drop all his classes for a semester. We found out during the summer that he had a low thyroid condition that we didnt know about. This and the stress of moving and adjusting put a toll on him for sure. I would just keep enouraging him to get help. If we were at any other school I am convinced that my son would be a college drop out, but the school had so many avenues for help. He had caring teachers who worked with him and the honors college really reached out. I feel so fortunate that my son was at BAMA…Roll Tide.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your suggestions and words of encouragement! Yes, we are all looking forward to Family Weekend…my S never realized he would miss his HS sisters, and be so excited to see them! He is coming home (Ohio) for fall break as well. He is looking forward to his bed!! </p>
<p>He has reached out for help with a counselor with whom he has an established rapport, but I am suggesting that he seek the help of a campus counselor as well. Slow progress in getting over the girlfriend, but I believe he is on the right track there. My S has never been one to adjust quickly to any type of change, and I believe the barrage of changes in his life in the last month has simply overwhelmed him. He continues to put his best foot forward, and when he doubts himself or his ability to continue at UA after the semester, he texts me to set up a phone call…he knows I’ll get him on the right track! I’m a lucky mom to have a S who respects my opinions, but he knows that ultimately this is his life to live. I keep my fingers crossed that once he makes it through the first semester, he will again recall what attracted him to UA in the first place. </p>
<p>Thanks again for the love and prayers!! Roll Tide!!</p>
<p>*We found out during the summer that he had a low thyroid condition *</p>
<p>My H has this. For a few years, we had no idea why he was so tired all the time. We thought it was just because his work-week sleep schedule wasn’t good (and that certainly didn’t help!). When he was finally diagnosed (discovered a small tumor on his thyroid) and was prescribed synthroid, the difference was amazing. </p>
<p>Turns out, it runs in his family, yet no one talked about it!!! </p>
<p>Den…I think having the family visit, and then having him come home for Fall Break will be good for your son. </p>
<p>Getting over a break-up is very hard combined with adjusting to a new school. </p>
<p>Hope y’all have fun at Family Weekend!!! :)</p>
<p>I know how it feels to be alone. Surrounded by people who would rather party and goof of than think about their futures. Turning to do what they do would be a huge mistake, and transferring would be like giving up. Give it time and if he still feels alone he can transfer. Make sure your not giving him mixed meanings behind not wanting him to feel alone. If he feels you want him to fit in at any means, most likely he will sink to their level.</p>
<p>I don’t think the point is to start doing what the silly partiers are doing. The point is to find like-minded souls…via clubs, intramural sports, groups related to major, community service projects. Participating in Honors Club activities will also help.</p>
<p>The first month or so, incoming frosh can sometimes go a little crazy. then as some grades come in, they start to settle down otherwise they know they’re going home.</p>
<p>It’s a good time to provide an update, as it is “midterm day”!! </p>
<p>First of all, Parents Weekend was great fun for all of us, and it was wonderful to tailgate with parents of his roommates and floormates. The roommate situation is getting better, as I could tell by his interaction with the others. While there are obviously underlying differences, they all appear to respect each other, which is a quality my son is learning to value quite highly! I didn’t have too difficult of a time saying goodbye, as I knew he was coming home for Fall Break.</p>
<p>His trip home was perfect for him in many ways. He spent precious time in his own bed (haha!) and spent an overnight with friends at a university just south of us. Despite the fact that his ex-girlfriend wanted him to “stop by” for a while, he did not make time for her…sooooo happy that he saw the value of moving on from that relationship, and not getting sucked back in to the drama! While he may not be over her completely, he has moved on from the desperate feelings of sadness that he was experiencing. Fortunately, my daughters had Homecoming during the weekend my son was home, and he actually showed up for pictures with the girls! Wonderful to see my 3 kids finally realize that family bonds are very precious…but I’m certainly not going to rule out eye rolls and disagreements over longer breaks in the future!!</p>
<p>Best of all, my son called Sunday to say that he has decided to stay at UA!!! While my voice remained calm, my heart was jumping for joy! I asked him what finally helped him with this decision, and he said that he couldn’t point to one specific thing…just that he was starting to feel more comfortable and was starting to make more connections with people. The beauty of time…</p>
<p>Despite the turmoil of the past 2 months, I was delighted to see his midterm grades posted today! He kept his nose to the grindstone, despite the many issues he was dealing with. Should he keep up his fine work, we will look forward to Dean’s List for his first semester in engineering!!</p>
<p>I had a patient in my office today who pulled me aside and told me that her son, a HS junior, is seriously looking at UA for computer science. I have a tremendous opportunity to pay it forward. I have been humbled by the care, concern, and prayers that we have received from this forum, and I can only hope that my guidance for this family will do you all proud! Of course, I am first and foremost informing them of this CC forum!!</p>