Would anyone score this essay for me?

<p>Wrote this for the practice test concerning dress codes. I'd love for someone to score this for me! I'm sitting for the December exam and need some feedback!</p>

<p>Q: In some high schools, many teachers and parents have encouraged the school toa dopt a dress code that sets guidelines for what students can wear in the school building. Some teachers and parents support a dress code beacause they think it will improve the learning environment in the school. Other teachers and parents do not support a dress code because they think it restricts the individual student's freedom of expression. In your opinion, should high schools adopt dress codes for students?</p>

<p>In your essay, take a position on this question. You may write about either one of the two poitns of view given, or youo may present a different point of view on this question. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.</p>

<p>A: My essay:</p>

<p>As test scores plummet and “celebutron” mentalities rise, schools circle the question alarming many high school students: the dress code. Though it pains me and my snapback cap to say it, an imposed dress code would prove extremely beneficial to the school environment. In fact, the proliferation of cliques and the definition of the role of the first amendment practically demand such a code.</p>

<p>Cliques have long since dominated the mind of teenage boys and girls. When they should focus on school, they instead obsess over their wardrobe. Will I get along with the short-skirted cheerleaders? Is my nose ring large enough to showcase my "difference"? Will the jocks like me? American Eagle or Abercrombie: These are different versions of the same question, and tend to eclipse school life and promote group homogenization. Of course, opponents argue that such a code is "repressive," and by applying that label we’ve really helped cliques influence our academic decline.</p>

<p>American ingenuity and test scores have continually dropped in both a domestic and global environment. As other countries tend to busy themselves with the fundamentals of Calculus, we waste time deciphering the new sales on clothing at the local strip mall. Though many would challenge the idea that a dress code would solve this problem, it certainly would help. Private schools tend to have higher test scores, which correlate with greater ingenuity. This correlation directly contradicts the often-cited attack against the dress code. I’m talking, of course, about the ambiguous first amendment. </p>

<p>The freedom of expression has long since impeded the implementation of a dress code, but for all the wrong reasons. Opponents claim a dress code would limit expression. In fact, dress codes promote focus on academia, which is a fundamental key to not just expression, but meaningful expression. “But what about personal expression?” the opponents would respond. Well, are we really to conclude that the expression of a student—a role that pertains to academic and professional achievement and advancement—is primarily expressed through their clothing? To assume such a statement would not only prove stupid, but also exemplify a disservice and insult to students’ potential.</p>

<p>Of course, student potential is the true question schools must discern. It is their job to encourage advancement in the most profound way possible. The dress code mirrors a code of social cooperation and represents an organized path toward student achievement. After all kidding aside, it would show only to benefit students who seek to reach their full potential.</p>

<p>I like it! You developed your points thoroughly. Overall I’d say 9-12 range (though probably closer to 11). Good job!</p>

<p>12 :wink: IMO 10char</p>

<p>I would say that your essay is an 11 or 12.</p>

<p>Could anyone here by any chance, chance me? <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=1426439[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=1426439&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>11 or 12- it’s very well written!</p>

<p>I have to agree. 11 or 12.</p>

<p>I would say a 10. Word choice is nice but your arguments aren’t that strong. Still really good but I think you focused too much on your prose and not enough on the actual topic. That is just my opinion though!</p>