Wow! This Story Should Make Us All Give Ourselves A Reality Check!must Read For All!

Applying to College
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<p>There is a story which has just very recently happened, which I happen to know is true because my Mom use to work in the same real estate office as the mother of this boy, its been kept very hush hush, as they are a prominent family in our area but its tragic nonetheless if not for showing us how vulnerable we all are in this college process and how things have truly spiraled out of control.</p>

<p>This boy, 17 was strong student, good solid athelete and real natural leader, as was evidenced in his numerous positions within his school and community. This is a very popular, good looking, confident kid with an inner peace about him. He came from a well educated family, older brother star athelete at Indiana then got his MBA from NYU, sister at UCLA Medical, parents both highly educated etc.........he applies to his fathers alum, Cornell and is rejected flat out when a girl he goes to school with got in with far lesser qualifications and no legacy. He was devastated by all acconts. In recent weeks he went on to receive some acceptances, and some more rejections and a waitlist from his 2nd choice, NYU Stern. At this point he is starting to despair and his Mom finds him one afternoon after he claimed to be sick and couldn't go to school in his darkened room with a bottle of pills by his side, most of them gone. To fast forward he was rushed by ambulance, his stomach was pumped,after a few days.....the doctors have claimed it a miracle that he lived through this, he took a bottle from the medicine cabinet of some kind of antibiotic, and cleary and sadly he wanted to end his life. He left a note behind and apparently it was said that he felt like a loser for the first time in his young life, who worked so hard his whole high school career to be left with rejections and waitlists from schools he knew he was totally qualified to go to.
He spoke of feeling like he was letting his parents down, how he was embarrased in front of his friends especially those who had high hopes for him or who themselves got into better schools. In the end, he said the pressure was too much and he felt let down and that he couldn't go on living. </p>

<p>The happy ending is that he is out of the hospital,his parents have taken him away on an extended vacation somewhere sunny and warm. My Mom spoke briefly to his Mom before they left and his mother continued to reiterate how grateful they are for him to be alive. She also told my mom to PLEASE PLEASE convey to your daughter and anyone else you know who is going through this process, to keep things in check, this is ONE phase of your life, this is not the end of your life, but the beginning. If you dont' get what you want the first time, you have loads of company and you can transfer if you really want to. She said she regrets the immense pressure our society,schools, families, our culture puts on these young kids in the process of applying to college. And for everyone of him, there are thousands more and in some cases some who were sadly successful in taking their young lives.</p>

<p>Guys, I am as stressed as you are, but this story freaked me out and forced me to look at my situation and say God, thanks for letting me get into some schools already, so my first choice didn't happen...................there is a reason for that. I will go to college, have a great time and if i still want my "dream school" will make it my mission to transfer! It is only what you make of the experience, it is you who will determine the success you will have in life NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO! Lets all take a minute to take a deep breath, think of this story and stay calm and be thankful even for the little things. I know this is a BIG WEEK for many of us, I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors, hope you end up in your first choice but also believe that truly things happen for a reason. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Pshhh... "natural" leader who wanted to kill himself just because of rejection from colleges? Entire school/stuff/students were telling me I'll get in any college in CA I want to (Caltech, Stanford, Cal, UCLA, UCSD and so on). Results - I got denied from my top3 choices and I am going to UC Davis, but I am very very happy.
If you are strong and smart student, it doesn't matter what college you'll go to. And guys don't forget, it's Undergradute, not Graduate programs, it's not as important.</p>

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<p>Kelly:</p>

<p>Thank you for reminding us to keep things grounded and in perspective.</p>

<p>Lately, all I've been doing is obsessing over the which school I'll end-up at, and whcih schools will reject me (I still have not heard from a few). Part of that, I think, is due to our ideas about how important prestige and rankings are to who we are as individuals. Here on CC, often you have more questions about ranking and prestige than question about how to go about finding the right fit.</p>

<p>Personally, I learned a little late. I thought for sure I'd go to an Ivy...but now, after some reflection, I realize that some of the schools I applied to were just not for me. What I believed to be matches and safeties, now seem a better fit. I think they fit better because there was less pressure on me to select them. I dunno. It's crazy when I tell my friends that. It's always a shock to others that I would choose to attend a LAC over an Ivy...but that is what will happen if I'm lucky. If luck does not shine on me, then I'm fine with going to my state school (which is a safety).</p>

<p>It's the hyper-competitive nature of the process that distorts our perceptions. I've had way too many experiences where friends or myself have taken off a school that would have been great for us and replaced it with something in the top 10-15 because of its prestige. There's so much pressure from peers and parents to get into the name schools rather than the best schools for us.</p>

<p>I'm sad that it takes an unhappy event to snap us out of the admissions obsession. I hope that the person in your story will recover from those difficult blows to his sense-of-self. I'm pretty sure he'll be fine. I just hope that we don't forget to keep things in context. It could have been any one of us.</p>

<p>Sincerely,
IB</p>

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<p>Irbis, yes even strong natural leaders can fall prey to just being human and feeling emotions, sometimes uncontrollably over certain situations. In this case I think for the most part he had often been a very successful young man, was V President of his school, Pres of debate team, etc.........coupled with a VERY accomplished intellectual family, and intense pressure from society, school, etc............so YES he is the one that everyone would have expected to have an easy ride, often those kinds of kids have it the hardest as the bar is set very high. I am not sure if your remark was intended to be laced with mockery but it came off that way, this is not a situation to any way, make fun of or diminish its significance, it was and is a very tragic situation and their family will no doubt have to deal with a lifetime of healing.</p>

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<p>".........he applies to his fathers alum, Cornell and is rejected flat out when a girl he goes to school with got in with far lesser qualifications and no legacy..."</p>

<p>Sorry but this kinda story always gives me hope. I have far lesser qualifications(class rank wise due to one bad year) and no legacy, hoping to get into Cornell!!!</p>

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<p>well i am sorry that at his expense you have hope, I wish you luck but frankly that was NOT the point of this story!</p>

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<p>A sad story with a happy ending, I hope. I think teenagers tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves, more than the parents put sometimes. Good luck to that boy and his family, and thanks for sharing the story.</p>

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<p>It is sad how some people can be affected by the perceived pressure. There are a lot of people applying to ivies who have nearly all A's in every class that they have ever taken since 4th grade, are student council presidents, play three sports on varsity, and have an incredibly high SAT scores of 1450. They are told constantly by everyone in the community that they are sure to go to Harvard. This is fine, but what the adcoms at Harvard see is a BWRK (Basic Well Rounded Kid) with nothing special to make them stand out.</p>

<p>In some countries, high school students take a test at the end of senior year. If you pass it, you go to college and if you don't, you get a job. There seems to be something seriously wrong in the US when whether you are accepted to one of the top 15 colleges in the country (out of about 3400 four-year colleges) determines whether or not you are a success at life. I particularly notice the phrase "worked hard for my entire life to get into an ivy". How can someone have worked hard for their entire life when they are only a high school senior. There is no secret handshake that you are taught at HYP that will guarantee you success in life. The bulk of important people in the world did not go the elite colleges (law school excepted). You don't get to kick back after graduating and relax from the rigors of college for the rest of your life. Who you marry has a much bigger effect on your life than where you go to college. People should worry about picking their spouse more than picking their college.</p>

<p>For anyone who is having serious problems with this, I suggest reading "Harvard Schmarvard" by Jay Mathews. (Yes, he went to Harvard.)</p>

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<p>Pshhh... "natural" leader who wanted to kill himself just because of rejection from colleges?</p>

<hr>

<p>youre a horrible person but that was funny.</p>

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<p>Yes, a natural leader with an inner peace, too ...</p>

<p>I always wonder when I see talk of "lesser qualifications." How do people really know all the test scores and grades, not to mention what the recommendations and essays read like and whether an app shows a passion, a strong reason for wanting a particular school, or something distinctive about the candidate?</p>

<p>More importantly, how could all this "just very recently" happen? Acceptances, rejections, and a waitlisting -- and despair, a suicide attempt, a hospitalization, and enough of a recovery to leave for vacation -- all prior to April 1 (the date of most college decisions, including the date NYU mentions on its web site)? If it is all so hush hush, why is his mother supposedly talking to former coworkers in GREAT detail about it (the darkened room, what the doctors said, the wording of the suicide note, etc.)? A hospitalization and then an extended vacation in someone's senior year could not be hushed. Further, someone who tried to kill himself would be given treatment, not sent on a vacation with those whose expectations presumably caused the attempt.</p>

<p>An implausible story coming from someone who just joined CC this month ... hmmmmm</p>

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<p>Nice :) </p>

<p>I agree totally.</p>

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<p>It's kind of scary that education in America is beginning to take on characteristics mostly unknown to education systems outside of Japan. Definitely a cause for concern as college admissions continue to get tougher in the coming years.</p>

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<p>Maybe the story is a reality check, but more about not giving students unrealistic expectations. I mean, everything I read in the post suggested a student who had come to expect he would get what he wanted. Popular, good looking, legacy... and then the line about some less popular girl who wasn't a legacy getting in -- all of that suggests that either the student or more likely the storyteller has strong ideas what metrics for success should be. </p>

<p>I guess I am really naive, but I tell my son to have faith in the admission folks ability to tell if he's a good fit for a school. If someone else gets in and he doesn't, there's nothing to be gained by badmouthing that student. "Qualifications" are not all about test scores and legacy status and GPA. There are lots of intangibles. was the other student of better character? Did she have qualities that weren't apparent on paper but were in person? Did her teachers make it clear in recommendations that they valued her as a student and asset in their classrooms, perhaps more highly than the other student? </p>

<p>I went to school with plenty of popular, attractive, athetic, "natural leaders" who were also boring, snotty, and tedious to be around. The most brilliant people I know now were outside of the tight confines of "Ivy League stats" as CCers know them, when they were in high school. </p>

<p>If the story is true -- and like other posters, I think of this more as a FoaF urban legend (overdose on antibiotics?) -- then I feel for the family. I agree that students should be prepared not to get into the schools they most want. But I question the use of some paragon of high school virtue; after all, all kinds of students get rejected, and the pain of a 3.2 1800SAT student is no less meaningful or heartbreaking than that of a popular, natural-born athletic legacy.</p>

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<p>I looked up antibiotic overdose. The most serious problem (the one that might take a "miracle" to live through, although I've never heard doctors express themselves this way) seems to be the throat swelling shut. If a patient needs to be hospitalized, the site I found said that the air passages must be kept open. It seems like the last thing one would want to do is pump the stomach, because the tube would fill up the already endangered passage.</p>

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<p>Wow, some of you are pretty harsh. No empathy...pretty cold.</p>

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<p>Diane are you for real? I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE THE STORY! You sound like one hardened person...........this is a true story, whether or not you believe it, doesn't matter s___ to me, with all due respect. Yes its true, he was rejected by Cornell, got in some acceptances and some rejections, and this was a very recent story. My mother who had worked with his for a few years called to send her best wishes and see if there was anything we could do. She opened up to my mother and although its not somethng she was expecting, clearly she was traumatized and wanted to share her story with someone. Yes it is being kept hush hush as far as the media, because they don't want the local media storming their home etc........that said many since have found out, hence their sudden departure for an island. The particulars, the drug used, the procedure they did at the hospital, any underlying illness/depression are all UNKNOWNS. The bottom line is whatever it was the college process is what supposedbly drove him to the despair he felt on that horrible afternoon. Now, don't write back if you don't have something compassionate to say. You sound like one tough hearted girl.</p>

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<p>Two years ago, a kid at a neighboring high school offed himself because he didn't get into michigan.</p>

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<p>shouldn't everyone be paying attention to the lesson of the story? The legistics of this story aren't nearly as important as the fact that a stressed HS senior buckled under the immense amount of pressure college applications create.</p>

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<p>I didn't see anything about the immense pressure <em>applications</em> create. Legacy, parents' expectations -- that's a story about the immense pressure <em>parents</em> create, when they don't prepare their children for the reality of the process. For many students these days, whose parents have treated them like special snowflakes their entire lives, the admissions process is the first time they get a taste of what real world rejection is like. I think it's my job to give my children realistic expectations, and that means saying, "Sometimes, we don't get what we want. Sometimes, no matter how much you think you deserve something, it isn't yours to have. Successful human beings are graceful in success <em>and</em> in disappointment.</p>

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<p>I agree with kellyconn. There doesn't seem to be any reason to think that the OP would be fake. Besides which, kellyconn's other recent post have all be very good.</p>