<p>My only D (applying ED to Columbia, answer tomorrow 5 PM) is beyond maximally stressed. We have now spent THREE tearful nights, sobbing and freaking out about the approaching date. This is from a girl who (IMHO) is talented, smart, pretty, funny and every other wonderful thing a parent sees in their child. If she doesn't get into Columbia (I haven't had the heart to try and tell her she DEFINITELY will) she will be crushed. I am dreading the further tears and wailing tomorrow. Moreover, every kid at her school (highly competitive prep school) is going through the same thing. Dartmouth yesterday, Columbia and Cornell and Penn tomorrow, the the "big day" on the 15th. Her BFF is EA at Yale and is also totally nuts at present. They have taken leave of their senses over this! What can I do to keep her sane? I try to tell her that even if she doesn't get into "Dream School" she WILL get into a wonderful, good school and all will work out for the best. She, of course, thinks I'm nuts. Advice?</p>
<p>Have you read this current thread on the parents forum?</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/821229-experience-ivy-reject.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/821229-experience-ivy-reject.html</a></p>
<p>And this
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/823550-whatever-mood-your-house-week.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/823550-whatever-mood-your-house-week.html</a></p>
<p>No, my son is fine. We chose to apply to a safe school with EA and figured that would take the pressure off. He’s been accepted at Tulane, and if in the end he is one for twelve, well he can only go to one college anyway. </p>
<p>For class of 2011 and beyond, I strongly recommend this strategy.</p>
<p>From Bossom_ "Wow! That was actually beautiful! It really stinks when your kid gets bad news. Not, “oh my god, I have leukemia” bad news, but it’s stinky nonetheless. So give yourself time to feel bad in private. Trust me, the first five people you try to get sympathy from are going to tell you about their 30 year old neighbor who needs a kidney transplant, or their deaf sister in law who just found out she has macular degeneration and will be blind within 2 years. So lick your wounds where nobody can try and make you feel less bad by telling you about people who have it much worse.</p>
<p>You are a genius! So true…</p>
<p>I think there is a group-think thing where they whip each other up and lose all perspective. Poor kids.</p>
<p>Yeah. And with txt, facebook, etc, I think my D’s greatest stress is how to tell he classmates if she is REJECTED!. And I can’t tell her. Its really hard…</p>
<p>mimikat: IF she’s rejected (and I most certainly hope she is not!) you will be astonished by the response and support she will receive from her classmates. My S had the same fears, and everyone knew when he was going to receive the news. It was the silence from him after D-day that told them all which way it went. No one brought it up until he took the initiative, and that was a couple of weeks later. At that point, you had a good 20 kids ready to storm the U with righteous indignation. BTW, he ended up in the school that was the best fit for him after all. I’m hoping the same will happen to S2 next year, and I’m certain it will happen to your D.</p>
<p>My son applied ED to his top school a couple years ago. Fortunately, he did get accepted, but we both pretty much went into the whole thing planning on him not getting in. Not in a boo-hoo defeatist kind of way, but just getting all the pieces in place to launch his 10 or so other apps to other good schools once the deferral/rejection came in. He had a 1st choice and applied ED, but he had some other choices he was also very interested in if it came to that.</p>
<p>I absolutely understand how you are feeling. We just went through this last week (luckily she was accepted). </p>
<p>Best of luck to your daughter!</p>
<p>We are so lucky in Michigan to have a very highly rated state school with rolling admission. There is nothing like getting that U of M acceptance in November to take part of the angst out of the December 15th decision.</p>
<p>It makes one heck of a “safety.”</p>
<p>The line I have been taking is:</p>
<p>“Son, I know you are more than qualified to get into this school and do the work and graduate. I also know there are plenty of other kids who are also qualified and able. It’s a long shot for everyone. And there are other schools. And you are probably going to get deferred.”</p>
<p>I know his ED school is his dream. I know that he did an unusual program that makes his transcript substantially different from everyone elses. And the track record of his school is that the kids who participate in this program get into their first choices. He also has better grades and scores than his brother who is currently a senior at dream school. None of that matters.</p>
<p>Fingers crossed until 5 pm!</p>
<p>mimikat - Encourage your D to feel the pain for a day or so and then just roll with it and keep the faith if things don’t work out with ED. My D1 got into her top choice EA, celebrated, pulled her other apps, then went through terrible buyer’s remorse once she did. D2 used her EA opportunity on a school that wasn’t her top choice, just for the security of knowing in December that she had a good option in the bag. It didn’t come through. She ultimately wound up somewhere that she felt was better. A kid who’s competitive for Columbia is going to have fantastic college options at many places, and a year from now, she won’t be able to believe that she was ever interested in going anywhere but where she is.</p>
<p>All’s well that ends well, and this process will definitely end well for your D. But I know that won’t make tomorrow afternoon any easier. (BTW, decisions due at 5:00 often aren’t in the inbox at exactly 5:00 - prepare her for the possibility of waiting a half-hour to an hour longer.)</p>
<p>A big part of the current freak out is probably the stress of not knowing. Once the news is delivered kids are resilient and after some tears they are usually able to move past this. After all, they know the odds, they know others who are in similar situations, and, hopefully, they will have other schools waiting in the wings. It’s a very rare situation where a kid is rejected from every school s/he applies to. It has happened, and I don’t minimize that as a REALLY hard situation, but it’s rare. These days, no student should only love his or her ED school; there need to be several schools that would be fine with your student. I remember from my own D’s experience that the waiting was the worst.</p>
<p>Three years ago D1 was deferred from Columbia. It was the first rejection, EVER, in her life. She was accepted to THE private school in our state, and she applied in April not the fall before, like everyone else. As a dancer, she also didn’t encounter that many obstacles either. </p>
<p>Hind sight, 3 years later, both of us feet it was the best thing it’s ever happened to her. I didn’t join in the discussion of “The experience of Ivy Reject” to show how happy D1 is at her current school and it should have been her first choice in the first place, because that’s not the reason why it was good she got rejected. </p>
<p>She is now gearing up for job search (summer internship) in a very competitive field. She is mentally a lot more prepared. She is hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst. Instead of applying to 5 internships, she is is applying to 50+ places. She is doing everything she could to be prepared for interviews and she is coming up with plan Bs if things should not work out. </p>
<p>I think if she wasn’t rejected by Columbia 3 years ago, she wouldn’t be as mentally strong now. Last night she told me (she is already home for the holidays), “Before the college rejection, I thought every about me was tied into that acceptance, everything I did in high school was to gain that acceptance. But now I know I am still who I am, I am no less of a better or less person because I didn’t get into Columbia.” If Columbia’s rejection made D1 stronger and more confident then it was well worth it.</p>
<p>mimikat - I wish your daughter the best, I hope it works out for her. Good luck!</p>
<p>You are right about that!! My son also got accepted to the U of Michigan…we are oos. He is a great kid and student with outstanding stats and it makes me a bit put off when his IB friends refer to U of Michigan as their safety school? Once my son visited Ann Arbor there just was no other place to be and I assure you he has many options to choose from. GO BLUE!!!</p>
<p>My son seems fine though he occasionally peeps at the college section of CC to see if there is official word on the dates his two EA schools will actually release the decisions. He’s determined not to fall in love with any school and the two EA schools happen to be the reachiest schools on his list, he knows that he’s a long shot for them. I have to say, I’ve been impressed by how grounded and mature he’s been through this whole process.</p>
<p>^Michigan is a dream school for D who will apply to Med. Schools next year. </p>
<p>In regard to stress. I have put out a lot of efforts to prevent it. I believe I achieved the goal of no stress in regard to UG admission and hopefully in regard to Med. school admission (much more competitive). We have developed college list (D. is very open to my assistance and appreciates it a lot) in order of desirability. D was not accepted to #1 program on her UG list, and was very happy to go to #2. No stress, no tears. About couple minutes of non-smily face after receiving rejection letter. We hope the same will happen with Med. School admission where ultimate goal of any pre-med is to get accepted to ANY Medical School in the US.</p>
<p>I really love your comments Oldfort. Very useful. Our son is applying to Yale Early and is probably 3rd/4th in line of the 7 or 8 applying fr</p>
<p>om his senior class of 130 children. We are NOT anticipating a YES, and he is very calm. I am more nervous than he is because quite frankly the last 9 months have been crazy and to be honest I would love for it to be totally over. Good students like those at CC usually have a variety of options, sometimes yes, an embarrassment or riches. Congratulations but be genuinely grateful. Nothing is owed to any of us.</p>
<p>This is my first d and freaking out might be an understatement. She already told me that if she doesnt get in she wants to take 2 mental health days from school to recover-- and doesnt really have a backup school she liked half as much as her first choice. I know that all we can do is wait!</p>