Writing a pretty risky essay - advice?

<p>I'm writing an essay for Notre Dame. The topic basically asks how you're different and I'm writing about my ambition for debate and how I stand out because of it. The problem is, my essay has this hella bitter tone. it's hard to explain but i talk about my hatred for losing and I discuss how the social hierarchy of the debate worlds and provoked me to contemplate quitting so many times. Does anyone want to take a look at it and tell me what they think? I know Notre Dame is pretty conservative so I'm kind of worried..</p>

<p>bumppp. anyone?</p>

<p>PM me and I will look at it after lunch.</p>

<p>thank you (:</p>

<p>I suggest you turn your essay into a positive (the joy of winning) rather than the agony of defeat. “” i talk about my hatred for losing and I discuss how the social hierarchy of the debate worlds and provoked me to contemplate quitting so many times.“” Those are terribly strong words, and not necessarily an ‘appealing’ quality. Sure, they want to know ‘how you’re different’, but they don’t exactly want to accept a danger either.</p>

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<p>I would imagine that ND won’t be eager to accept a “hella bitter” applicant, which is what you would be presenting yourself as.</p>

<p>I agree with limabeans.</p>