So we were lucky enough that DS got a LL and thus an early financial aid read that arrived today. They think we should be full pay, which is about ten thousand more than their own online estimate, and more than twenty thousand more than Princeton thinks we can pay in their early read (SCEA). Any thoughts?
ETA… I understand that Yale counts home equity and does not count sibling K-12 tuition, which could explain part of the discrepancy, perhaps.
I would call Yale’s financial aid office and ask them to walk you through how they calculated your son’s aid. Explain that Yale’s Net-Price Calculator gave you a figure that is $10K less than the financial read you received and you’d like to understand how Yale made the calculation. (Don’t mention Princeton at this point, as that will cloud the issue.)
If Yale’s financial aid office has made an error, they will gladly correct it and increase your son’s aid. Once you understand how Yale is calculating your aid, thank the Admissions Officer (get their name) and tell them you will speak with your son and then get back to them.
If Yale is indeed $20K more than Princeton, your son has to make a decision: If financial aid was not an issue, which school would he prefer to attend?
If the answer is Yale, call the Admissions Officer back and explain that your son has a better offer from Princeton, but would really like to attend Yale. In light of that fact, would Yale reevaluate your son’s financial aid? (You will have to FAX Princeton’s better offer letter to Yale.)
Yale may (or may not) agree to revaluate your son’s aid. As Princeton does not include home equity in their financial aid calculation (but Yale does), Yale may return with a better offer, but will NOT be able to match Princeton’s offer dollar-for-dollar.
If your son really wants to attend Yale, and you can afford to send him, you then need to ask Yale’s Financial Aid office for a side letter guaranteeing that if your family’s income remains the same, your son will receive the same percentage of aid in their sophomore, junior and senior years. If you do not get a side letter, you should expect Yale’s aid to revert to their initial offer for your son’s upperclass years. (FWIW: One CC Yale parent last year asked for a side letter, but Yale said they couldn’t comply with the request. I’m not sure if Yale’s position will change for a recruited athlete.)
The easiest, and less stressful, solution is for your son to ultimately accept Princeton’s better offer, provided he likes the coach and the team.
Thanks, @gibby! All excellent advice except my son is a STEM recruit at Yale and an SCEA admit at Princeton so no team or coach. 
I’m sorry for not being clearer!
^^ Well, the decision just got easier for you and your son – at least from my vantage point. To quote Jeffrey Brenzel, Yale’s recently retired Dean of Admissions: http://admissions.yale.edu/after-colleges-accept-you
Your son will receive an excellent education at either institution, so he should choose the less expensive option. After all, his mom and dad will be saving $80K over 4 years in the process. That buys a lot of extra’s, including a spring break trip, a summer study venture in Europe, or even a nice used car should his parents be so inclined to use bribery!
Or hypothetically his younger brothers could attend college too.
I’m a big Yale booster, but Princeton for $20,000 less a year is a no-brainer, especially for a STEM kid.
Thanks, @Hunt!! We are still waiting to hear from MIT and Harvard as well. Sadly UMD is probably off the list because DS did not get a BK invitation and OOS tuition there is about what P wants us to pay so not competitive now.
I agree with Hunt and gibby. Yale is a fantastic school and I am very thankful that my daughter is there, but assuming 20k/year is a significant difference to your family, it’s hard to see paying 20k/year more for Yale than Princeton.
Thank you, @canoe2015 !
Princeton is much better for STEM. I would go to Princeton. A large percentage of kids who start out in STEM wind up dropping out of it so you may want to factor that into the decision
@proudparent26 thank you! One major advantage of Princeton is that it has world-renowned departments in basically everything so a change of major would be ok…
However I was starting to like a whole bunch of things about Yale so I’m disappointed that the money is so different.
Obviously your son is very advanced if they got a LL from Yale. What field does he like since that can play significantly into the decision.? I was told that most of the ivies will match the other ivies. I am sure some of the posters have had experience with that and can comment on that.
Thanks for asking. This is very interesting! I had no idea that schools had that much variability in how they treat home equity and k-12 private school tuition.
Thanks! @proudparent26 @ItsJustSchool -
He is interested in chemical engineering, but also in pure math and classics and Asian languages. And he wants a big Hillel. So hence the SCEA application to P. But ever since Yale started the big push, I’ll admit that our whole family has gotten a bit of the Yale bug.
It doesn’t help that DS loves every college he visits.
Yes, the financial formulas are mysterious. I believe that HYP do sometimes match aid, but on the other hand, P is known for being most generous.
OTOH, MIT is not necessarily known as being the most generous, so it is wise to love Yale, or Princeton. I had not heard that Princeton is the most generous of the three- I frankly thought that Yale is. Didn’t @Gibby find that Yale is more generous than Harvard, at least in the case of his family?
Well…For us, mit will be the most generous because a parent is on staff there. 
Stay tuned for more angst if he gets in there LOL
I don’t know if endowment translates directly into financial aid . . . it’s probably not that simple . . . but Princeton has a higher endowment per student than other schools it’s often compared to. I’m not sure how MIT would compare on this metric.
Princeton $2.2M per student
Yale $1.7M
Harvard $1.5M
Stanford $1.1M
@fretfulmother, I am a freshman at Yale and my best friend is at Princeton. She got into Harvard, Princeton, MIT, and unfortunately rejected at Yale. For her financial situation and after going back and forth with FA matchings, Princeton was the most generous, followed by Harvard, and then MIT. We are both STEM majors and our courses are pretty comparable. Princeton and Yale are great places, congratulations to your son!
@cttwenty15 - thank you! Congrats to you and your friend, as well.