Columbia. At twenty-one years of age do you really want to be stuck in the Yale “house system” for the next four years? Or, treated as an outsider because you’re not a part of the house system?
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While I 100% agree that you should go to the school that you think fits you best, I want to assure you that there are plenty of 21, 22 and even 23 year olds in Yale’s colleges. You are permitted to move off campus if you feel like you’ve aged out after a few years, but you may also find that you love it.
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One thing you may want to prepare for as a 21 year old frosh is how to respond when 18 year old frosh ask you to buy beer for them.
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Just in time for your fifth year? 
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What? That makes no sense. While students are affiliated with their residential college their entire time at Yale (and beyond) Yale’s website states: “Students in their first four terms of enrollment must live on campus unless they are married or are at least twenty-one years of age on the first day of classes in the term in question.”
So the OP will not be required to live on campus. It does help you meet other students though and I was merely trying to point out that they will not be the oldest. 21 is hardly ancient on a college campus.
Let’s keep this focused on the OP - I was just trying to clarify your misconception that they were “stuck” in a residential college living situation if they didn’t want it.
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Then surely Yale is wealthy enough to afford a separate dean for non-traditional students or something of the sort?
The LGBTQ+ factors in choosing a school is much more important the ‘older’ student factor. If they were in their late 20s then it would be more of an issue but 21 isn’t a big deal.
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The OP is old enough to be a grad student.
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I am not sure you have an accurate conception of the residential college system. They are not like the houses in Hogwarts, even though many of the dining halls, especially Commons, could have served as Harry Potter movie sets.
Each college more or less represents a cross section of the entire undergrad body. With the exception of legacies, who can choose to attend the same college (or not the same college) as their parent(s), students are assigned their colleges freshmen year with this in mind. There is no “sorting” or rushing of any type. The colleges each have their own dining halls (but you are free to eat at any dining hall), intramural sports teams, various clubs (in addition to college wide clubs), library and a limited number of seminars. Your primary academic dean is the Dean of your college, but usually by the time you select a major, you will likely be more dependent on a departmental adviser. Your college Dean serves residents and non-residents. You can choose to move off campus after your sophomore year or if you are over 21, and while you are still affiliated with your college, you can be active or not active to the extent you want to be. Many students use their college as their social centering point, many others do not and base their social centering on groups sharing common interests. The colleges are just an easy ready made option, but they do not preclude you from finding other groups.
The reason not to choose Yale is not because of its residential college system. A student may feel being in close proximity to SV is a big plus, maybe they don’t like winters, maybe a big city like NY is preferable to New Haven, maybe department X at college Y is just the best, and maybe after accepted students day(s), they like/don’t like the vibe of current students or potential classmates at particular schools.
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My understanding is that Yale freshmen spend their first year on the Old Campus and from there are assigned an individual college where they will spend or be associated with for the next three years. That’s why I thought it was humorous when someone upstream suggested they could drop out “after a few years”. TBH, the Old Campus may be the high-water mark of the Yale dormitory experience. After that, his class will be divided up 13 different ways for the rest of his life whether he actually lives in the physical space assigned to it or not. Those will be his peep, about 400 strong. And, if they “more or less represent a cross section of the entire undergrad body”, that means he will most likely be the only person his own age in his cohort group who isn’t a graduating senior.
That was why I asked whether Yale had a dean assigned to facilitate social interactions among the apparently significant number of non-traditional students that attend. Based on the answers so far, I guess not.
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Deleted. Discussed in greater detail by @Elpsaa, below.
Yale students are assigned to one of fourteen residential college before they arrive freshman year. They are affiliated with that college, whether or not they reside in it, for their time at Yale and beyond.
Students in ten of the fourteen colleges live on Old Campus for their freshman year. Students at four of the colleges live in their residential college all four years. However, all freshman are integrated into their college from day one - eating meals there, attending seminars, joining college clubs, attending Head of House teas, and using the college facilities such as gyms and libraries. These facilities are in addition to the general Undergraduate-wide facilities. Freshman quickly meet upper class students during meals, college activities and during class. There is no strict division between classes and there is no reason a 21 yo first year could not meet and befriend other people their age.
The OP is a traditional Yale student. There are special programs for non-traditional Yale students. The Eli Whitney Student Program is designed specifically for non traditional students. These students are also affiliated with a college and participate in college activities, though they do not reside in the college.
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The OP misses the cut-off for non-traditional student status at Yale by approximately a year and a half:
Students are eligible to apply to the Eli Whitney Students Program if they do not currently hold a bachelor’s degree and have been out of high school for five or more years by the time of their intended enrollment at Yale.
Eli Whitney Students Program - Details | Yale College Undergraduate Admissions
For that reason, I still say Columbia or Brown would be a better fit.
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Or Stanford. 
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I don’t think being a 21 year old first year student is such a big deal. My son is a first year and has mentioned a 21 year old international first year student that he hangs out with once in a while and it doesn’t seem to be an issue. He has interacted socially with all grade levels. It’s not like in elementary school where you wouldn’t normally see a kindergarten student socializing with a 3rd grader. These kids connect on a different level and it’s not based on age.
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Yes and no. The OP will be 25 when he graduates. That’s a world away from an 18 year old so it’s an important consideration.
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It’s been decades since I was in college, so perhaps things have changed. But, as far as I can remember “back in the day”, students in the same class TENDED to hang out together. Not ironclad by any means, but I had a few friends who were college juniors when I was a college sophomore. But the vast majority of “my crowd” were students in my same year.
When I was a frosh, almost my entire circle of friends were also the same year.
That being said, I guess OP will tend to hang out with their classmates. Again, nothing hard and fast.
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I agree with this. One example…many of the men’s hockey players will be 21 year old freshman after doing a three year stint in juniors…this is also true in other divisions, including D3. My D is at a NESCAC and I believe all her freshman men’s hockey classmates were 20/21.
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(Quick intake of air through my teeth.) Stanford for theater?
Absolutely no idea! Quick search says yes: The Top 10 Most Underrated College Theatre Programs for 2017 - West Region — OnStage Blog
But for most everything else, yes!
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