yolo vanilla chai

<p>lol okay here's my UC Prompt numero dos. if you could give any harsh feedback that would be gr8 considering the fact that is sucks lmao</p>

<p>As I walk down the aisle to place my belongings onto the conveyor belt, a room full of dirty looks and nervous faces are projected toward me. With each step I take approaching the metal detector, a feeling of dizziness magnifies as a surge of adrenaline starts from my stomach and rushes through my chest. Although I have nothing to hide, the uneasiness stems from society constantly telling my people that we do not belong in airports. Despite walking through the metal detector successfully, a security guard still insists on pulling me aside; it's happening, the moment I've been dreading throughout the entire trip. Two female guards enter the isolated room that I have been put in, both resonating an uncomfortable aura as they pat me down and search my luggage. Hearing the distant murmurs of the airport's security personnel, I already know what they are thinking--what they have classified me as.</p>

<p>"Terrorist." It's a word I know all too well, yet do not know at all. I have been referred as one so many times that its definition is no longer comprehensive. This situation happens frequently, not only in airports, but also at malls, parks, and even schools. The anxious glares and whispers have always been something to endure on a daily basis. I, along with millions of other Muslims, never have and never will support the ideals advocated by Al Qaeda, yet people still have the audacity to treat me in such a manner. Although being stereotyped as a "terrorist" is not something I tolerate, it has caused me to express my most significant quality: empathy. Constantly being degraded in American culture, I understand the struggle of other marginalized groups who face the same torment.</p>

<p>In response to the racial discrimination, I started a social justice blog that serves as a shelter for minorities. Discussing the issues of racism, sexism, and homophobia, the blog allows those who have never experienced oppression to understand the hardships faced by marginalized groups. One blog post focuses on the prejudice faced by Muslim-American women in the workplace; the post is a haven for those who have gone through similar experiences to bring attention to their oppression. To know that sharing my humiliating experiences helps shed light on the reality that many minorities endure makes me feel accomplished.</p>

<p>With the growth of my blog, I have realized how powerful empathy is. It has shown me the broad spectrum of injustices found in American society. Empathy makes me more understanding and compassionate; it has helped me fight for the advancement of my people, and for that, it is a quality that makes me most proud.</p>

<p>I have been referred TO as one.
Audacity seems too pretentious, try replacing with “gall” or “nerve.”
From what I get from your essay, you do tolerate being stereotyped as a terrorist, so replace “tolerate” with “enjoy” or “appreciate.”
Reword last sentence of second paragraph to “I understand… groups who, like me, are constantly… culture.”
Blogs cover things, they don’t discuss things. The people on blogs discuss things.
“To bring attention to their oppression” doesn’t fit well at the end of the sentence.
“Feel accomplished” is shallow, sounds like the only reason you run this blog is for your own ego, which I’m sure isn’t what you mean, but comes off like that.
Replace “injustices” with “injustice.”
You say “advancement of my people,” but you say your blog covers racism, sexism, and homophobia. Does that mean “your people” are Muslim lesbians? Revise perhaps to “oppressed minorities” or “subjugated minorities” or something like that.</p>

<p>Closing paragraph could be worked longer, seems awkwardly short. Your paragraph sizes in general seem to shorten as you go down.</p>

<p>Not sure what the prompt was. Good essay in general. Good luck revising and getting into the colleges you want to!</p>

<p>Too much flowery prose and not enough meat. Good essay, but spend more time talking about your blog than your airport experience. THAT’S what the colleges want to hear about. </p>