You Know You're A Smithie When.... (encore)

TheDad · May 15, 2011, 7:30pm

Previously posted in July 2006.

====================

You Know You're A Smithie when....
Conveyed to me via Daily Jolt:

<a href="http://sophia.smith.edu/%7Ehhingsto/YouMightBe.html%5B/url%5D">http://sophia.smith.edu/~hhingsto/YouMightBe.html</a>

I don't even know what a "nalgene" is.

===

You know youre a Smithie if

<ol>
<li>You have a homemade patch sewn on your jacket/bag/jeans/hat, all of the above.</li>
<li>You can count your heterosexual friends on one hand.</li>
<li>You've ever had to console a friend for getting a B+ on an essay.</li>
<li>You've been to more than 5 vigils in your four years.</li>
<li>You've been to more than 5 walk-outs in your four years.</li>
<li>You've ever used the words: 'normative, social construct, hegemony, problematic, imperialism, or post-structuralist' in more than one conversation.</li>
<li>You diss people who go to UMASS, Hampshire, Mount Holyoke and Amherst.</li>
<li>You're afraid to go to Holyoke and/or Springfield although you've never been to either place.</li>
<li>You own a nalgene.</li>
</ol>

9.5. Your nalgene is covered with so many stickers that no one can tell what the liquid is inside of the nalgene.

9.75. At least one of those sticks is a rainbow flag, inverted triangle, Venus sign, human rights campaign, and/or ani difranco/alix olson or random band sticker.

<ol>
<li>You know that Turn it Up is better than B-Side....when really, downtown sounds is the best.</li>
<li>You can tell what region of campus someone is from just by looking at them.</li>
<li>Half of the first years in your house have shorter hair now then they did when the first arrived, dyed their hair, their noses are pierced, have a tattoo, hooked up w/ one of their friends, and/or 'finally' came out of the closet.</li>
<li>You double-take when you see men, automatically thinking they are just butch or binding.</li>
<li>Your favorite word is empowering. I wiped my ass today. It was so empowering.</li>
<li>You "feel" like it's March 15th.</li>
<li>You go to a party off-campus and expect public safety to show up.</li>
<li>Your second favorite word is "issues". We all have issues</li>
<li>You no longer notice the noise of the 2am dance party on the floor above, the overplayed hip-hop music the next room over, or your phone ringing for the person who moved houses two semesters ago.</li>
<li>You find yourself thinking your bathroom at home has too little character".</li>
<li>You actually begin to believe that the Republican party is responsible for all the evil in the world.</li>
</ol>

21.5. You think all democrats are a herd of conformist, thought policing, and intolerant sheep.

<ol>
<li>You yearn for grilled cheese sandwiches like theres no tomorrow.</li>
<li>You philosophize about whether wearing that dirty sweatshirt is truly more or less agreeable than dragging your laundry down four flights of stairs.</li>
<li>You don't judge when you need to do laundry by when you run out of underwear, because you don't wear underwear.</li>
<li>You're disappointed when you get home because there is no vegan cutlet. The very idea!</li>
<li>You've ever used unnecessary acronyms when talking to people who do not go to Smith...and are confused when they are confused.</li>
<li>Whenever you hear a young male's voice (in class, in your house) you jump/arch your neck/run to see it.</li>
<li>During room draw, one of your housemates cried at the possibility of having a roommate sophomore year.</li>
<li>At least six of your daily conversations begin with, "So today Ernest Benz (or other prof's name) did such and such..."</li>
<li>You know where the Man House is and have been flashed by one of its' residents1.</li>
<li>Homework parties are cool! Really...</li>
<li>You have seen a giant vagina dance around in the quad at least two years running (Celebration of Sisterhood).</li>
<li>The college president comes to tea at your house with THE SMILE.</li>
<li>Target (via the PVTA) is a really exciting place.</li>
<li>You've sledded down Bedford Terrace.</li>
<li>You eat whipped topping topped with whipped topping for dessert.</li>
<li>You know the words to Gaudeamus Igitur.</li>
<li>You notice the scent of a young man (in your house, in class) from more than 3 feet away.</li>
<li>You've been stared down by a squirrel or two.</li>
<li>You've had discussions about/contemplated having sex behind the staircase in Neilsen.</li>
<li>You catch yourself saying "I feel--"</li>
<li>You've ever said "oh, that's so heteronormative," even if you are straight.</li>
<li>You no longer freak out when you professor explains that the mean on the exam was a failing grade, but that this is good because it means you didn't really earn the failing grade.</li>
<li>You begin to believe that all boys are timid creatures afraid of walking alone, going into a coed bathroom, etc.</li>
<li>You're not afraid to go, "ewwww boy" with a boy (often a stranger) right there.</li>
<li>You can snuggle up your friends and not be looked at funny (even with you're straight).</li>
<li>Normal dinnertime conversation consists of sex and other such things.</li>
<li>You complain that you can't get to bed at night because your 'brain is overactive!!'</li>
<li>Your first year you gained the firsty-five (+), and now you are losing weight exponentially due to your recognition of what you are actually eating.</li>
<li>You have been to at least one professor's house.</li>
<li>You have nothing better to do than be reading this list RIGHT NOW.</li>
<li>Everyone around you is neo-nazi democrat, but not as liberal as those Hampshire students.</li>
<li>You find yourself rummaging through your wardrobe to find that scandalous fruit of the loom accessory for convocation.</li>
<li>You live on green street and order pizza from college pizza just to see the male sex.</li>
<li>Have S.A.D., but not just in winter...go figure.</li>
<li>Feel worthless unless you have two jobs lined up for the summer, an internship during every effing break, and at least minimal contact with some alums in high places.</li>
<li>You don't want to show your parents your transcript.</li>
<li>You freak out that you got a B, and not the A+ you might have gotten at another school.</li>
<li>You realize that grade deflation makes your paltry 4.5 in high school look pathetic.</li>
<li>You get the midnight-2 AM (4 AM?) giggles and run around your floor naked purporting to take a shower, and asking if anyone nearby will take one with you! (tequila suggested but not required).</li>
<li>Bi-polarization fluctuating like a steep sign curve. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! followed by 'damn effing hell, die die!'.</li>
<li>You have a love hate relationship to academia.</li>
<li>You get the feeling that smith is a nunnery, but that you have sinned, delightedly so.</li>
<li>You are disgusted with the gender binary system.</li>
<li>You flash acronyms around like 'HONS!' 'JYA!' 'SGA!' 'PVTA!' (or PUTA), 'RC!', 'HCA!', etc</li>
<li>You have an unrequited interest in politics: i AM the elections, dammit! and George W. just ran all over MY self-interest..</li>
<li>DAMN. THE. MAN.</li>
<li>You have a paradoxical fascination with becoming a drop-out stay at home mom/baby-making factory.</li>
<li>You admire the ladies who came before you: BARBIE BUSH, NANCY REAGAN, JULIA CHILD, MADELINE L'ENGLE, GLORIA STEINEM, SYLVIA PLATH..</li>
<li>You plan your ivy-day outfit from the day you step onto campus.</li>
<li>An overall sense of satisfaction that you go to one of the most grueling schools in the nation, and are ALIVE.</li>
<li>If you're a friendster whore connected to the entire campus.</li>
<li>You complain about the distance you have to walk to class.</li>
<li>Dinner sucks-always.</li>
<li>You use "out" as a verb.</li>
<li>You feel instead of think everything.</li>
<li>You have a preferred tattoo parlor.</li>
<li>You've ever used the phrase "well speaking as a (insert noun here)....</li>
<li>You think that house booty is bad booty.</li>
</ol>

79.5 You've had it anyway.

<ol>
<li>You check the jolt as often as your email.</li>
<li>You get burnt out every semester, but during winter or summer breaks you can't wait for school to start again.</li>
<li>You eat strange meals late at night: ramen with mountain dew is just one example.</li>
<li>Somehow at midterms or finals you always have more papers, exams, presentations or reports than the number of classes you are taking -- like # of classes ^2.</li>
<li>sleep? what?</li>
<li>The mere mention of the word 'tea' sends you into spasms of delight.</li>
<li>You are thinking that this list is, in some way, offensive.</li>
<li>You have made out with a girl or thought of making out with a girl.</li>
<li>You've developed the compulsive urge to correct EVERYONE'S grammar and spelling ALL THE TIME.</li>
<li>The sound of a spoon against an empty glass makes you stop everything you are doing and makes your ears perk up.</li>
<li>You know that done is better than good.</li>
<li>You have to petition to live off campus.</li>
<li>You and your friends have a contest to see who has the most homework.</li>
<li>You expect baked Brie twice a semester.</li>
<li>College inspired you to learn to knit.</li>
<li>Finding out what's for dinner (from the 2eat man) is the best part of your day, even if dinner sucks.</li>
<li>You think menstruation is a house event.</li>
<li>You can't say "salad bar with assorted dressings" in anything other than a Boston accent, regardless of where you are from.</li>
<li>You leave campus and think "that girl's really cute" and it's a 14 year old guy</li>
<li>You start feeling guilty because you like looking really feminine.</li>
<li>You think "that guy's really cute", but it turns out that "that guy" is a woman.</li>
<li>You feel left out because you've never had a SLUG moment.</li>
<li>You've never had a boyfriend who was smarter than you.</li>
<li>You find yourself in paradise pond too many times for comfort.</li>
<li>You make passes at girls who wear glasses.</li>
</ol>

Bossf51 · May 15, 2011, 8:49pm

Don’t let concerndmom see this one! :eek:

upstatemom · May 15, 2011, 10:08pm

Bossf51-- as I read #47, I had the same thought! lol

Bossf51 · May 15, 2011, 10:10pm

I don’t think she’d make it that far…lol.

phanatic · May 15, 2011, 10:41pm

Some of these are so, so true even today. The first ones that jump out at me:

The popular thing now seems to be to drink one’s tea or water out of a Mason jar rather than a Nalgene.

Ernest Benz! <3 We do talk about our professors a lot. One of mine is frequently tweeted.

Empowering and social construct in daily conversation = yes. I’ve also been told, “You have to go to Springfield? I’m so sorry.”

The grilled cheese sandwiches are divine, and I have never had a SLUG moment… unlike the rest of my friends…

TheDad · May 16, 2011, 3:03am

While the list is in many ways evocative, in many way’s it’s far from universally true. I think my D would have checked “Yes” to about 10 of those. The list is a nice melange of truth, amusement, and a tool to freak out— well, we know who they are.

teenage_cliche · May 16, 2011, 11:40am

While several of these are just outdated at this point, I still like it in general. Nice combination of academic stress and LGBT references :)

TheDad · May 16, 2011, 11:47am

One that’s true and one that amuses me the most and that I pounce upon is use of the word “feel,” as in “I feel that it’s March 15th.”

I’ve nailed several Smithies & recent alumna on silly usages of same. Or else I’ve used it myself in a way to indicate that the premise of the conversation is getting ridiculous.

Btw, I know the tune of “Gaudeamus Igiteur” and can la-la my way through the lyrics, getting some of them right if not in the right location.
Speaking of silly, it’s a silly song (check its provenance) but I have to say that the sound of 750 or so female voices singing it at once is, well, breathtakingly beautiful.

rocket6louise · May 16, 2011, 12:19pm

it’s pretty darn accurate

bn12gg · September 29, 2011, 11:22pm

Ok, I’ll play-- so what % of Smith students are Heterosexuals??
The question is Heterosexuals- no confusion. #2

Thanks for the responses.

David (oh, I’m a Heterosexual)

rocket6louise · September 29, 2011, 11:29pm

^that’s a difficult question. I know plenty of straight girls who have girlfriends, gay girls who date boys, people who identify as bi, pan, gay, queer, straight, flexible, or don’t identify. I think (and there is NO data to back this up) that probably 40-50% of the student body either identifies as gay, dates women, or is willing to hook up with women.
I think the official number floating around is like 30%, but I think that’s an underestimate

SmithieandProud · September 30, 2011, 12:52am

Oh boy, do I EVER get tired of answering this question. According to a survey taken a few years ago (2007 or 2008, it was during my tenure at Smith), 13% of the student body identifies as lesbian. R6L, I can understand how it can sometimes FEEL like half of your friends (or more) are not strictly straight, but that’s not really an accurate reflection of the college population as a whole. Neither really is 30%.

For the record, 13% gay population makes Smith 40% less gay than Yale, that well known hotbed of torrid homosexual activity :-0!

But frankly, why all this obsession for what students are doing in their beds and with whom they are doing it? I don’t go to colleges demanding to know how many of those students are really straight, and I don’t go around trying to count the gays. Why do you, David?

bn12gg · September 30, 2011, 6:21am

Smithie-- No issue with me babe, it was #2 in the OP who brought
it up. I’m comfortable in my sexuality-- male and love up on my wife
often. Sex, I can’t get enough of it!

Actually, it is a minor issue with my wife. 6 months ago, a consultant
from Boston made a trip to our university and during the visit the issue
of where our daughter intended to apply came up. The wife said Smith
among others, to which the female consultant stated-- you sure, they’re
all lesbians. I said to my wife, “that’s nuts”, drop it, Smith is a fine LAC
you are listening to a homophobe. My wife is a Texas Ex (you know that
50K school in Austin). I said, H**L, there are more lesbians at UT then
their are at Smith. I said, truth be known, there is a lesbian on every
street corner in Austin. Big deal!

The OP brought counting the number of heteros up on one hand, so I
thought I’d simply ask for a “real” number while I was visiting your
board, among others. 13% has been reported-- Ok?

Smith looks like a fine Institution-- my daughter is applying RD.

.02 David

SmithieandProud · September 30, 2011, 8:33am

I’m glad you had the good sense to see through the recruiter’s BS, but the “You know you’re a Smithie when” list is meant to be satirical. It’s like David Letterman’s Top Ten lists, it’s exaggerated and it’s for laughs, not to be taken overly seriously. If anything it plays off of stereotypes that people have about Smith, students and non-students. I hope your daughter ends up liking Smith and attending and that your wife can see it for what it is.

As for the rest of it, babe, TMI. I wasn’t questioning your sexuality, babe, and I didn’t need to know about your relations with your wife. I’m sure she probably wouldn’t like you discussing that in an online forum with strangers either.

bn12gg · September 30, 2011, 8:50am

^^ chuckle-- you have a nice day.

Do you work for Smith?

David

SmithieandProud · September 30, 2011, 9:09am

No, I do not.

CarolynB · September 30, 2011, 12:02pm

TD, do you still not know what a nalgene is? In case you’re still in the dark, it’s a hard plastic (water) bottle, often a liter size, with a screw-on lid; the lid is connected with a plastic loop to the bottle. They’re indestructible, they don’t leak, you can take them anywhere (including camping and hiking) and I love mine! (Don’t worry–they’re non-Bisphenol A!)

rocket6louise · October 1, 2011, 12:01am

sorry S&P, but only counting those who identify as lesbian grossly underestimates the percent of the student body on some sort of gay spectrum like I defined. At minimum 30% is the number who are not entirely homosexual. It’s not a matter of the campus “feeling” gayer, but actually being gayer. Even my straightest friends would identify as questioning or queer due to hookups or attractions to women. Strictly straight smithies are hard to come by

CrewDad · October 1, 2011, 9:17am

SmithieandProud, how did you arrive at the Yale statistic? Guestamate? There hasn’t been a survey to ascertain an accurate percentage of gays at Yale.

But I agree with you, it gets tiresome answering questions pertaining to the sexual orientation of Smith students. Perhaps the moderator, aka Momwaitingfornews, can add a FAQ thread under featured discussions so future questions can be directed accordingly.

Question: What percentage of Smith students are gay?
Answer: Varies. :rolleyes:

Others can add additional Q&A’s they believe will be helpful.

SmithieandProud · October 2, 2011, 1:24am

R6L, I know that’s your opinion, but I still think you’re overestimating. As a common campus phrase went “sexuality is fluid,” so nailing down a hard number that encompassed all those categories you mentioned would be almost impossible when your considering that people’s feelings and their understanding of their own sexuality sometimes evolve. 13% was the number of Smith women who identified as lesbians. It was based on a broad campus survey, not just on one person’s experiences as a student, so I was simply citing it as a more objective answer. I think 30% is high, and I’m a recent graduate. But what I think may or may not be relevant to the actual picture. There’s over 2000 students at Smith, I couldn’t possibly give you an overall picture of them based on my own experience, and frankly neither can you. This survey was the only attempt that I know of to actually do that. It wasn’t an official college survey, it was actually just a psychology assignment where they used the whole campus as a sample, so its accuracy is not 100%, but it’s much better than guestimates that you or I could give.

I think the bigger picture though is not for us to be arguing over who has a greater sense of the number of gays at Smith (which seems pretty pointless to me…), but I think we should instead unite behind something. I think we both think that it’s pretty dumb that people are always so obsessed with quantifying the number of gay students at Smith. First of all, it’s none of their business. Secondly, it’s really, none of anyone’s business, except for the students themselves. For me, to be honest, one of the reasons I picked Smith was because it seemed to be a really accepting environment. I was worried that as a person of color, coming from the other side of the country, to attend an expensive, elite private college, I might be put off to the sidelines and ignored. But when I saw that at Smith all kinds of people were broadly accepted (not just people of different races or religions but also women who liked other women, women who saw capes as an acceptable form of outerwear, etc.), I knew it would be a place where I could really do well. And you know what, I was not disappointed.

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