<p>D2’s school sends out spiffy little announcements to the parents of students on the Dean’s list, so if I get an announcement there is no need to check. If I didn’t get one, I would first ask D if all was well and if I didn’t like the answer I would check grades.</p>
<p>D1 is now in grad school, but when she was in undergrad, her grades were always made available when she was either in class or at work, so she would demand that I find out ASAP. Impatience trumps privacy with that D!</p>
<p>Look inside yourself and you will KNOW if they need you checking . When you call ,do they mostly talk about school ,or the party last weekend ? I guess some kids might not tell the truth ,but you should know by now .</p>
<p>I asked a lot dd’s first semester about grades. I was nervous I guess and I wanted to make sure she kept her scholarship. This semester I ask more about the classes and how they are going than the grades.</p>
<p>fauxmaven–Needing and wanting are two different things though…I don’t NEED to check on our kids’ grades, I want to check on them. There are times where we do need to check on them, like helping DD organize 3 weeks of make-up work while keeping on top of current work. They know in their heads where their grades should be and every once in a while we catch a typo, like a 4 vs 14 for a score and let them know to get it fixed.</p>
<p>I am not there yet but I’ve never checked grades for kids in HS. But through regular interaction I basically know the results of everything, and I do look at the report cards mailed home. </p>
<p>In college? I’d assume I’ll be told here and there (just less frequently than HS). I will probably ask (hey how did the exam go? how did chem turn out?), and I will probably offer unsolicited advice (that may or may not be appreciated!) because I do that now. </p>
<p>I would hope my children can succeed, but have no conditions placed upon them. I didn’t do it for HS (if you don’t get such and such GPA I’m not paying for college!), so I can’t imagine why I would now. I have no idea what GPA to expect. I’m sure if they blow a course or a semester, I’d probably hear about it, and help them fix what’s going wrong, but there is no pre-existing agreement of any kind. </p>
<p>And I definitely would have no need to view documentation to prove their standing to me. But I have never had a reason not to trust my kids (in terms of their desire to succeed or in terms of their word).</p>
<p>I should add, our high school doesn’t mail home report cards, they are available online. Most people have access to computers but for the few that don’t, they can request one be mailed home.</p>
<p>Like Hudsonvalley51, we never had the conversation. I don’t know, though, if we never had it because I knew she’d be ok or if we never had it becauase it didn’t occur to me that her grades at this point were any of my business (so long as she was in good academic standing).</p>
<p>I suppose once a year I’m going to have to get a copy of a report card for d1’s car ins.</p>
<p>It is smart to stay on top of your kids grades, no matter who is footing the bill. The sad fact is that so many kids go straight to college and flunk right out very quickly. There are so many temptations when you are away from home for the first time and as a parent it is important to stay on top of that.</p>
<p>It should be said though that if a kid has made it successfully through the first year then you should be able to let them alone about grades. They should be at the point where they understand how important grades are and are on top of it all themselves.</p>
<p>Even those lucky parents of the kids getting a free ride for the whole thing need to keep track of what is going on in the beginning. Just because you are not footing the bill doesn’t mean that you don’t have a right to be concerned and involved. Who do you think will be paying for classes later on down the road if that free ride gets lost due to bad grades?</p>
<p>It is important to teach our kids independence and to trust them, but college life offers so many pitfalls that parents need to be vigilant in the beginning.</p>
<p>^ I hear what you are saying and it does happen. I’m a professor, I see it. But not all kids nor schools are alike. They are going to colleges where, given the graduation rate it is not the matter of ‘many kids’. And like many on CC, they are far more prepared for college that most kids. </p>
<p>Even so, I just can not possibly imagine how me knowing their grades as they are going through the semester is going to make any difference. And to me it’s harmful yet useless micro-managing/intrusion. If they aren’t ready for college, they should stay close by so you can still nag and cajole and threaten them. If they are ready, they should already know how to seek support as needed, how to do ‘school’ without their parents, and be allowed to experiment with a semester, and revisiting what worked and did not work. Far more valuable than mom and dad nagging and threatening from miles away.</p>
<p>I guess you can call it micromanaging if you want, but I fail to see how checking grades online is micromanaging, unless you sit down to discuss every single point earned on every single test. For our kids, we will look online, at least at first. If they get all A’s and have one D, we will call them and ask what is up in that class. It might be something simple like the prof didn’t enter my grade right or it might be a major issue that needs to be addressed. Once we think the kids have the hang of things in college, we probably won’t check much at all except to satisfy our own curiosity. That might be a couple weeks and it might be an entire semester, we don’t know yet.</p>
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<p>If you don’t NEED to then why do you do this?</p>
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<p>I suspect you are talking about high school…but the subject of this thread is college. In my opinion…by the time a kiddo gets to college, they need to do this themselves…or know where to seek help at their college.</p>
<p>My parents didn’t ask for authorization to see my grades, but I gave it to them anyway. I didn’t actually tell them how to do it, though–they would have to request my grades in writing and jump through several bureaucratic hoops, and given that they live in another country, the sheer logistics of all that international mail would take a long time–and I don’t think they care. Personally, I don’t know my grades either; all I know is that I’m not failing anything.</p>
<p>because they are our children still and we are nosy…</p>
<p>“we are nosy…”
ya think? they may be your children but by the time they are in college they are ALSO adults - as such, at that point even the most dedicated helicopter parents needs to land the chopper and let their college age kids run the show.</p>
<p>I can guarantee you we are FAR from helicopter parents…</p>
<p>not based on this comment you cant-
“Needing and wanting are two different things though…I don’t NEED to check on our kids’ grades, I want to check on them.”
Most helicopter parents refuse to see themselves as such. But if the inquiring, “just checking because they are our kids” mentality continues when the “kids” are in college, then you may not want to admit it or recognize it, but for all intents and purposes, you are “hovering”.
But “hover” away if you want to- I just wouldn’t try to justify it here, not with these parents.</p>
<p>I hear those propellers a whirring! Yes, the thread was about college, not high school…</p>
<p>My son would have figured out a way to defeat the online system anyway, and would have us seeing a 4.0, I suspect.</p>
<p>My parents always had my log on info for high school and college stuff (my username and password). I never made them a parent account. They also never asked for the info- I gave it to them because I trust them. They’ve never logged on to see anything and I am pretty open with them about grades. I don’t have anything to hide and they don’t pay for anything anyway so they wouldn’t have a say. </p>
<p>The trust goes both ways. I have all of their passwords and log on info to most everything.</p>
<p>We pay full tuition for our freshman college son and have no idea of his GPA, and we are quite happy that way. We talked about it before he started this year and feel comfortable that he understands he is being provided with a huge opportunity and it is up to him to make the most of it. I cannot tell you how nice it is to be out of the loop - truly much more peace of mind. And…should he get into trouble…we’ll deal with that, too.</p>
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<p>I’m here. Maybe it’s a boy thing, but me knowing the grades wouldn’t change anything…in high school…or in college. The boys like(d) where they attend(ed) college and they knew that if they didn’t do well they wouldn’t be there anymore. They knew in high school that if they didn’t do well they weren’t going to have many choices about where they went to college. Those two things were compelling enough and verbalized to keep them in check without us having to lift a finger. But I could never send a kid away to college if I had spent the high school years overseeing their schoolwork and I’m the type of mom that wouldn’t have done that anyway. You reap the seeds you sow is pretty much our family motto. Typically though we knew in high school what their grades were because they would tell us and so far for this has also happened in college…we might not know if they have an A or a B because sometimes they don’t know exactly.</p>