<p>Older s gave us his school account info and was happy to share. And yes, we have to provide grades to the auto insu company for good student discounts.</p>
<p>Younger s initially gave us access to his account, but the school changed their log in info second semester fresh year and DS decided he no longer wanted to give us access. He tells us his grades, and when we need it printed for the insurer he does that. I was disappointed at first that he didnt want us to see his grades without his permission, but its been perfectly fine and not a big deal.</p>
<p>Worse than a C on a white sauce quiz? Seriously, I completely understand this. For my own sanity as well as to indicate trust in my D, I’ve tried to stop going into the system as much as I once did. Last semester my D, a good writer and an A student in English, got a C on a peer-graded in-class assignment. I went into high-indignation mode and began sputtering to her about how it was unfair she was graded by peers, etc. She said, “I got the grade I deserved.” She goes in to see her teachers if she really doesn’t understand something (analysis-of-variance, the problem of the soul, what have you). I do hope she continues that practice in college and I’m hoping whichever LAC she chooses provides the kind of one-on-one support parents like me are counting on!</p>
<p>P.S. I’ve seen the occasional F on a quiz or assignment, in case anyone thinks I don’t know what a truly awful grade is!</p>
<p>BUT I did inquire and the only time this is even a consideration at OUR state schools is if your child is registered with the disability office AND the student consents to parent contact. Otherwise…no.</p>
No, it is not very common. D1 went to a large U. If they were to tell me that they were monitoring D1’s eating habit, I would have told them to cut it out, especially if they then decided to tell her RA (non of their business if D1 wasn’t doing anything illegal). </p>
<p>What I don’t understand is why you think just because you or your kid has some kind of experience, then it is common. Each school is different on how they operate and I would hope not every school makes a habit of monitoring students’ eating habit or when they come in and out of their dorms.</p>
<p>I agree with those who say each child is different. Our older son was a hard worker and high performer in high school and we did not monitor his grades in college. However, his younger brother never opened a book in high school and had the preponderance of Bs to prove it. We gave him strict expectations for his grades in college, to be provided by him to us at the end of each semester. If he failed to meet a reasonable threshold in either of his first two years, the consequence would be for him to come home and go to community college. This was not intended as a threat or punishment, but an option that we thought would be in his best interest for long-term success. S2 was completely on-board with our proposed level of oversight. College has not been easy for him (engineering major), but he is a junior now, doing fine, and light years more mature than the freshman we sent to college.</p>
<p>i asked for access to S2’s financial part… he offered and set up access to all… so i guess technically i could check grades etc anytime… but he is pretty open about his grades, tests etc. </p>
<p>mncollege… my son’s college doesnt do that… there is no checking of his meal balances etc. while it might have some benefit i suppose, i wouldnt think the school needs to know all those things especially through the parent</p>
<p>I admire TheAnalyst’s approach and am happy to hear that S2 is “doing fine”! I think if a child has demonstrated that a bit more oversight is prudent, TheAnalyst’s approach (straightforward, mutually agreed upon) is eminently reasonable. Setting strict expectations is well within the purview of an interested investor! I do think there’s a difference between being engaged and micromanaging. As one who frequently ventures into micromanaging territory, I struggle with this. A kid may understand and commit to meet his parents’ expectations regarding the end result and still not necessarily want (or benefit from) day-to-day nudging. YMMV.</p>
<p>I’m also in the camp of “WTH?!” That approach is way too intrusive, imo. Tracking the eating habits of adults and setting the RA on them “discreetly” to gently redirect them into the dining hall? Most of what you describe above seems paternalistic and out of line, and I also disagree that this is “common,” particularly at state institutions. Certainly as a parent I would hope someone would intervene if my child became dangerously despondent or showed signs of illness, but that’s just too much. The part about monitoring their eating habits just seems downright creepy.</p>
<p>D1 attends a state institution which gives a parent orientation in addition to a student one, and they stressed repeatedly the fact that the students were adults, they intended to treat them as such, and encouraged us to do the same. Hard to do at times, I admit, but D1 did just fine without our involvement. We never checked her grades; she usually brought it up herself. D2 is quite different and may require a different level of oversight.</p>
<p>nrd… agree…they would have to monitor my kid’s credit card and debit card accounts to check his eating… he eats alot at off campus diner, buys food and makes it in his dorm, eats in dining hall, or the campus fast food places, and starbucks gets alot of his money…no way they could tell how he is eating by looking at his dining account.</p>
<p>I got all As my first semester at the University of Nebraska and consumed nothing but Runzas, soft serve and beer. I wonder what my guardians would have made of that data? </p>
<p>(Don’t know what a Runza is? You are missing out, peeps.)</p>
<p>Nrdsb4–and that is exactly why they did what they did–discretely monitoring the kids to make sure they were doing just fine while letting them try to navigate the college experience on their own. The kids didn’t know this, if there wasn’t an issue then there wasn’t an issue but if it were your child that was sitting in their dorm not socializing at all, wouldn’t you want to know? Your child can TELL you they are doing this and that, doesn’t mean they really are. Maybe more kids would stay in college vs dropping out or depression rates wouldn’t be so high if colleges took a little more of an active interest in their students. Again, I will bet your child’s school has a similar process, even if it isn’t actually monitoring meal accounts, to make sure freshmen are making the transition…</p>
<p>We don’t speak with our FY college son about his current classes - I honestly don’t even know what he is taking this semester. He is managing all of that with his advisor. He knows he can contact us for guidance or advice at any time… but it hasn’t happpened yet. We did receive his grades in the mail after first semester, and will continue to receive them at the end of each term.</p>
<p>If we had online access to his grades, like we did in HS (and do for our other three kiddos)… I would definitely check them. But we don’t, and his being able to manage this independently is all part of the plan… isn’t it?</p>
<p>^^^No, I would not want the school to be monitoring her eating habits. I also disagree with your last assertion as well. Which is not to say they would turn a blind eye to obvious distress in a student, but monitoring the students to the degree you describe-no.</p>
<p>EDIT: Okay, I looked it up and those sound delicious! When I was at my very large state flagship, I often declined to eat in the dining hall because the food was so horrid. Instead, I would get these really tasty egg rolls which could be found in little carts spread throughout campus. Like a hot dog cart, but egg rolls instead. They were a dollar each and were big enough to make a meal of.</p>
<p>Yes, college students are adults - but they are NOT independent. If their tuition, room and board are being paid for by the parents, then IMHO the parents have the right to know that their money isn’t being thrown away. </p>
<p>I’m not talking about kids who get B’s instead of A’s. I’m talking about the kid who feeds half her hallway on her mealcard then begs mom for more meal dollars halfway thru the semester, or the kid who is barely passing any classes. </p>
<p>I agree with others that it depends on the kid. My son had always been a diligent student and I saw no indications from him in college that that had changed, so I had no concerns. My daughter, OTOH, while generally a solid student, had the tendency in hs to get distracted by her social life, her friends’ problems or her co-curriculars, to the detriment of her studies. So I’m a little more watchful of her grades.</p>
<p>At UT, right? I loved those darn things when I was a grad student there. And what about those tacos? Did you like those? I loved the egg and potato one.</p>
<p>mn, not only is that most definitely not the norm, but it’s really creepy. I’d be extremely angry if my U contacted my parents because I wasn’t eating in the caf. We’re forced to buy unlimited meal plans if we live on campus so we definitely can’t share or whatnot. I also had 2 jobs off campus both of my on-campus years and would go a week or so without eating in the caf because it wasn’t convenient. But so what? That’s my business not my parents’ and definitely not my school’s. </p>
<p>Also, I’m a vegetarian and the vegetarian options in the caf weren’t great so I often opted to not eat there that often even when I was on campus. Again, MY business not my school’s.</p>
Seriously, I completely understand this. For my own sanity as well as to indicate trust in my D, I’ve tried to stop going into the system as much as I once did. Last semester my D, a good writer and an A student in English, got a C on a peer-graded in-class assignment. I went into high-indignation mode and began sputtering to her about how it was unfair she was graded by peers, etc. She said, “I got the grade I deserved.” She goes in to see her teachers if she really doesn’t understand something (analysis-of-variance, the problem of the soul, what have you). I do hope she continues that practice in college and I’m hoping whichever LAC she chooses provides the kind of one-on-one support parents like me are counting on!</p>