I saw that Chessy Prout’s book was released today and appears to be doing very well in sales rankings on the book selling sites I checked out. It’s called, “I Have the Right To: A High School Survivor’s Story of Sexual Assault, Justice, and Hope.”
I’ll probably end up buying it, but does anyone have any thoughts about this book or has anyone here read it yet?
My daughter is a “young” 13 … and she applied to SPS and several other schools (we took the advice here of casting a wide net). Thinking of letting her go into an environment where she might get hurt (even though she’s smart and tough, and I’ve already talked to her about issues like this) is giving me hives… And it’s not just because of this book release–I spent my entire time with one interviewer from one of the larger schools discussing sexual assault and safety on campus.
I plan to read it, and have my son read it, as well. Objectifying young women and treating them first as potential sexual conquests and secondly as human beings is deeply ingrained in many corners of this culture, and I think it’s an important conversation to have with both young men and women before they go off to school, and throughout their time away.
I would imagine that SPS would actually be less of a danger than many other BS at this point… At least, I would hope so. But I think all BS are probably more diligent now re: this issue than they were in the past, thanks to the publicity surrounding Prout & others… The interviewer told me now is the best time to have your daughter attend boarding school, from a safety perspective. I thought that made sense.
Still gives me hives, though.
@momof3nyc, Have my kid read the book…it had never occurred to me to do that. My first instinct was “she’s too young!” but she’s actually not, is she? I’ve got to get over that mindset. So you’re right–she probably needs to read it.
Sexual assault happens everywhere. IMO this young woman should be ashamed of herself. Just like the Harvey Weinstein cases no one forced her: girls and women should not be permitted to use arguments like I froze, I couldn’t move, I was uncomfortable but didnt say anything or I didnt want but couldnt say no. Chessy Prout was an active participant from beginning to end. Boys and Men being pigs may be piggish but it shouldn’t be a crime. Girls being embarrassed, vengeful or humiliated after the fact because they went along… infantilizes women and diminishes TRUE sexual assault.
You’re talking about an 18 year old man who manipulated and sexually assaulted a 15 year old girl - even putting aside the details of the incident, she was too young to legally consent.
She should be proud of herself for speaking up and speaking out on behalf of the millions of young women (and men) who face the spectrum of sexual abuse, from harassment to rape. To characterize her as “embarrassed, vengeful or humiliated” is to miss the truth of the situation - she was assaulted, and it took an incredible amount of courage to speak out. Being a pig isn’t a crime, but sexual harassment, abuse and assault sure is. If people don’t want to be charged with a crime, they need to learn how to navigate a healthy, consensual sexual relationship based on mutual respect - not an attempt to earn points in a “game.”
@Center Your comment was just wrong on so many levels. For the sake of the length of my comment, I won’t go into everything that is awful about what you have said but I’ll just say this- whether or not you choose to believe her, the age of consent is 16. She was 15. So even if both students were 100% consenting “from beginning to end”, what Owen Labrie did was still illegal and punishable by law.
Have you ever been raped? I’m asumming not based on your argument that become frozen with fear while you are being raped “isn’t an excuse”. Also, were you there when the assault (or since you don’t seem to think it was an assault we’ll call it an “incident”) took place? You don’t really know exactly what happened or who was consenting/who wasn’t/if they consented from “beginning to end”. You weren’t there. You weren’t watching. You don’t know how this girl felt, what was said, done, etc. You are giving possibly the best example of victim shaming that I can come up with right now and it’s very sad to see. My best friend is a survivor of rape herself and to see the amount of friends/people she thought she could trust, turn their back on her and blame her for what was out of her control is so saddening.
So whether or not you believe that Chessy Prout was raped, the legal age of consent is 16, so whatever went down that night, rape or not, was still illegal. @Center
@boardingdreams Although I haven’t read the Chessy Prout book, it could be good for both you and your D to read and discuss. (If you can handle it, I’d recommend the same for “Girls and Sex”. Your “discussion” could end up being pretty one-sided at this point given your experience and your D’s lack thereof, but it could help her process her environment and it could inform her choices as it all become more real and relevant. It’s also an opportunity for you to provide guidance. It’s helpful for women to understand what they may be buying into culturally that doesn’t align with their own desires so that they can make their own choices. It’s also a chance to talk about how she can voice her choice. I think that one of the reasons that these discussions often become contentious is that it is not unusual for the girl to consent to some sexual activity (i.e., kissing) but not to where the partner takes it. That’s one of the reasons that “only yes means yes” – at each step of the way – is so much more than “no means no.”
"My first instinct was “she’s too young!” but she’s actually not, is she? "
Nope, she’s not too young. You’ll be sending here to school with young men ranging in ages from 13/14-18/19, some of whom have been raised in households that unfortunately express the views posted in #5. Better prepared than naive, IMO. Talking openly and letting your daughter know she can always talk to you about ANYTHING, keeping those lines of communication open are very important, IMO.
And I’ll tell you that even if your daughter doesn’t show much interest in the opposite sex now, assuming she is heterosexual, that could change on a dime once in BS. There’s a big difference between the 13/14 year olds that she knows now and likely has been around for years and the new guys at BS who are good looking, dress well, athletic, smart and confident.
I wouldn’t overly worry about it but I would have conversations and arm her with information.
Has anyone read this yet? I am reading it right now, and as the mother of a daughter who is leaving for BS in the fall, it is a little unnerving (starting the book on March 9th was probably not the best idea)! On the other hand, some pretty disturbing things went on at my public high school, and I feel it is my job no matter where she goes to make sure she has a good head on her shoulder and is equipped to make good choices and learn from any mistakes she makes along the way. So I’m not overly worried, but I’d still love to hear thoughts on the book from experienced BS parents… (I also plan to have DD read the book when I’m finished, which she is eager to do.)
My experience and my daughter’s experience at SPS are nothing like what’s described in the book. Chessy Prout has the right speak about her experiences. Yet they do not invalidate the experiences of others. Other students, former and current, have as much right for their voices to be heard. Unfortunately, they do not seem to have the same platform.
No one has a monopoly on a school’s culture, and Chessy Prout isn’t the ultimate authority on SPS’s culture. With all respect for the cause that she is trying to advance, I don’t think that her representation of the school environment is fair. Considering that she was at SPS for a year as a 15 year old, and that was 4 years ago, I suggest that there are many students, parents, and faculty with a deeper - and more accurate - understanding of SPS’s culture, especially currently. I’m not invalidating her experiences. I urge to put them in a context and assess them holistically.
Here is what I can state with certainty: The school is safe. The faculty and staff are caring. The majority of students are kind, responsible, socially aware, empathetic, honest, and ethical. There are some occasional jerks, fortunately an extreme minority, but ‘the culture of sexual contest’ is a myth, in the experience of my daughter and others that I know. In a society thriving on scandal, a myth may boost the circulation of magazines, but let’s not forget that it causes real pain to hundreds of students, parents, and faculty. In my view, it also degrades the very cause it is purported to promote.
She’s a brave young woman who said no and wanted it to stop. We need more people like Chessy to speak out and bring rape out into the open. Her telling her story whether you want to believe SPS had a rape culture or not, gets dialogue on this important topic going.
I definitely don’t think any young student or family want that kind of limelight. But they are stepping up to the plate to keep the dialogue open on this tough, tough, issue.
yes stepping up but its for the money: their daughter has had NO accountability for her own active participation from beginning to end in that incident. That is why he was found not guilty of everything but the emails with a minor. A travesty of justice.