<p>Without a reasonable chance at gaining admission to HYPSM, I am just not finding boarding school to be worth the financial sacrifice and having my daughter live so far away from us so early (we live in Asia).</p>
<p>My daughter entered boarding school as freshman and is now a sophomore at a "top" boarding school mentioned frequently on this board.</p>
<p>My main reason for boarding school was to enhance her chances of gaining admission to HYPSM, as her local school has sent only sent 1 to Princeton in the last 8 years (and none to HYS or M).</p>
<p>She LOVES her boarding school, but her grades are just not HYPSM caliber - more B's than A's (no C's) And she really doesn't have any significant hooks that would get her admitted to a HYPSM. The plan was to use her strong academic performance at a top boarding school as a "hook", but based on her grades from the last year and half, I just don't see it happening. And she is working very, very hard.</p>
<p>She will be a junior next fall so if I decide to pull her out I need to do it at the end of this school year. Over winter break, we talked about her returning home and she was hysterical (as I expected).</p>
<p>As long as she does not get demoralized by the change and maintains her strong work ethic at the local school, I believe the end result in terms of "good" college acceptances will be the same. And I will save a lot of money and be able to enjoy her company for two more years at home with us.</p>
<p>Can anyone else share thoughts for bringing a reluctant kid back home?</p>
<p>I mean not necessarily, I also go to a top prep school and what is seen as âgoodâ is a bit skewed, as classes are harder. Getting Bs at a prep school isnât the end of the world - she still had a very good shot at many ivies and other ivy caliber colleges. Ask your schoolâs college counseling office for a meeting to see where students just like her have placed from her school into colleges, so you can get a better grasp at what her situation looks like. </p>
<p>Will she ever forgive you if you pull her out? Seriously, consider this carefully. </p>
<p>Why are you so focused on her getting into the Ivies? Maybe sheâs not an Ivy caliber student. VERY FEW PEOPLE ARE - itâs okay! She can still be successful and happy in life!</p>
<p>Iâll tell you a quick personal story. When I was a senior in high school my Mom and I had a fight over something that I think of as insignificant and small. To punish me, she didnât let me go on a trip to NYC over winter break that I had been looking forward to for years. (It was a plane ride away and I had never been there.) She went in my place, which now seems totally awkward, but thatâs what she did! To punish HER I got straight Câs the next semester. I had already been accepted early into a top 5 public university, but I knocked myself out of the top 10 in my graduating class on purpose. Because I knew it would hurt her pride. It was my first act of defiance, but I was tired of being pushed and manipulated. More than 25 years later, Iâm obviously not over it!</p>
<p>It would help to understand why admisssion to HYPSM is so important. If itâs about connections in her future work, her boarding school connections will be as or more helpful than college connections. If itâs getting a good job out of college or securing admission to a good graduate school, she is almost certain to be admitted to a college that will do as good or better work preparing her for both of those things. If itâs all about prestigeâŠwell graduating from this prep school is her shot at prestige, as youâve already said that sheâs not going to qualify for one of the big name schools. </p>
<p>I have sympathy for your point of view to some extent. It is a huge financial and personal sacrifice to send a child to boarding school. But this is something I think you should have investigated more carefully before she applied to prep school. Had you asked on CC, you would have been told in no uncertain terms that using boarding school as a route to HYPSM will most always lead to disappointment. . Had you asked the admissions officer during her interview, I suspect that he or she would have said the same thing.</p>
<p>So there she is, two years later, loving her top school, working hard, and doing well. In my view, itâs unduly harsh to pull her out because your unrealistic from the beginning goals as a parent arenât being met. You can force her to come home, but you canât force her to enjoy your company or work her hardest. I know this is not your intent, but the message youâll be sending is that even though she loves her current life, sheâs not smart or good enough to waste your money on; in short, that you see her as a bad investment. Ouch.</p>
<p>I do understand the enormity of the financial burden, and I donât mean to belittle it. I send my child thousands of miles away too, and I also know that he wonât get into an Ivy because so far, heâs not earning it. But I hope that the lessons he is learning will help him to be successful wherever he goes to college and beyond. I sure hope so! Best of luck. You have a huge decision to make.</p>
<p>^^ Yes, I am very worried about the eternal resentment. But I was clear with her that this was NOT punishment.</p>
<p>I am okay with her NOT going to HYPSM. But if itâs NOT going to happen, I prefer to have her near me for the next two years and save the $100K+ of boarding school expense.</p>
<p>Again, with Leafy, I donât mean to belittle your sacrifice. But itâs essential to look at this from your daughterâs point of view. From her perspective, it IS punishment, even if you say itâs not. I know you love her and want her near you. But thatâs what you want, not what she wants. She wants to stay at school with her friends. If she was getting Aâs instead of Bâs, youâd let her stay. Since sheâs not, you wonât pay. Sheâs being punished. The gain is all on your end.</p>
<p>This would be my pro/con list:
Pros-
Save money
Spend more time with DC
DC may feel less pressure to perform well in HS
Cons-
DC education may take a downward turn
DC will resent you
DC may become depressed
DC may become rebellious
College AOs may question why a good performing student left BS if not for financial reasons</p>
<p>The money issue is huge, but you went into boarding school knowing its costs and it doesnât sound like your circumstances have changed. Unless your daughter is just screwing around and not making an effort, which doesnât sound like the case, then youâre imposing YOUR mistake on her.</p>
<p>What sort of message will you be sending:</p>
<p>** Youâre not smart enough
** Youâre not worth it
** My goals are more important than yours
** I care more about results than I do about you</p>
<p>I donât know you from Adam, but Iâd be willing to wager a not insignificant amount of money that pulling her out will leave a scar that will never all the way heal.</p>
<p>OP, you live in Asia. Are you in Asia for the long term, or are you stationed in Asia for your employer? When your daughter applies to colleges, will she apply only to US schools, or will she apply to colleges closer to home as well? </p>
<p>Think 20 years into the future. Are you living in Asia, with your daughter living nearby? Are you living in the US, with your daughter nearby? </p>
<p>When you speak of âsaving $100,000.â Would not spending that sum over the next two years improve the funds available for college? Or would not spending that money not make much of a difference to your long-term household budget? (I ask because, as you well know, there are vastly different budgets among prep school families. Yes, itâs a large sum. But is it (really, honestly) a large sum to you?)</p>
<p>This thread underscores the risk of sending a child to BS (âtopâ or otherwise) with the primary goal of HYPSM admission.</p>
<p>Itâs a topic that parents have debated, sometimes hotly, over the years Iâve been on the forum.</p>
<p>It should definitely be revived this summer when the next crop of applicants/parents starts to trickle onto the forumâŠthanks for sharing your story OP, and best of luck.</p>
<p>FWIW, Iâm with ThacherParent et al. In for a penny, in for a pound.</p>
<p>She LOVES her school.
Sheâs working very hard.
Sheâs getting Bs and As.
She gets hysterical at the thought of leaving her school.</p>
<p>What the heck??? Why would you drag her away from a demanding academic community at which she is happy and thriving? There are dozens of top colleges and universities which would love to take a smart, good student who thrives under pressure.</p>
<p>As a rising Junior, she knows people, and they know her. She is (presumably) rising in the ranks at whatever extracurricular activities she enjoys. </p>
<p>To take her out now would sacrifice 1) the exquisitely personalized recommendations these schools are known for, and 2) any realistic chance to âdemonstrate leadershipâ as an upperclassman at the new school. </p>
<p>Even if she were getting all As, there is no way to know if she would be âthis yearâs flavorâ at the five colleges you mention. You really should contact the schoolâs college counseling office, and ask to see the schoolâs Naviance profiles. (Has she taken the PSAT or SAT? Do not assume sheâll receive low scoresâif she has taken them, remember, scores rise as students mature.) The top boarding schools are known to be harsh graders. You may be very surprised by the outcomes for students with Bs and As at your daughterâs school.</p>
<p>If sheâs a good kid, works hard, and has friends, I would not pull her out. Why are you so focused on HYPSM? We just finished a college search with our oldest, and there are many wonderful colleges in the US. Can you write an essay delineating the difference between Rice and Stanford? CalTech and MIT? Amherst and Princeton?</p>
<p>At this point, you should contact people at your daughterâs school. Speak with college counselingâtell them honestly why you are asking. You also should contact her advisor. I am worried that you sent a child back to school under the impression that she has failed, that sheâll soon be torn away from her friends (and they form very close bonds at these schools), and that itâs all her fault.</p>
<p>Bâs at a top school are nothing to sneeze at! Even if your dc was getting all Aâs, there would be no certainty of an ivy acceptance for college. They turn away a multitude of exceptionally qualified applicants every year.</p>
<p>I am known for getting straight to the point . Your motivation for sending your daughter to boarding school was ill conceived. Now you are going to penalize her for your bad decision? I am sorry but the benefit of boarding school goes far beyond getting into an Ivy league school. You made a commitment to her and I donât think it sends a very good message pulling her out. I am not sure where people just come up with an extra 200k to send a kid to boarding school.
Are you using the money as an excuse because the benefits of bs far outweigh hypsm. There are many hidden gem colleges and universities that want to attract talented youth that is why you see so many Scholar Programs being developed. Most of these kids get a free ride. [Junior</a> Calls Harvard âOverratedâ in U.S. News & World Report Op-Ed | Flyby](<a href=âhttp://www.thecrimson.com/article/2011/3/22/heffner-harvard-oped-report/]Juniorâ>The Harvard Crimson)</p>
<p>OP - is your stated reason the real reason, or has your financial situation changed so that it is truly impossible for your daughter to continue and you are trying to find a way to cover that with other reasons? If the latter, that is the only justifiable reason I can see for pulling your daughter out at this point, and you must make it clear to her that it is the only reason and not about her. If not, I hope you will let her be. I completely understand your desire to have her home - and to save the tuition cost - but if the cost is irreparable damage to your relationship, it is not worth it unless it truly cannot be avoided.</p>
<p>I, too, send two children to private institutions, one to boarding school and one to private university. I have three jobs now. I would rather this than my child suffer. It is true that HYPMS can confer some advantage in life. However, one has to do well at these schools for them to confer that advantage. Just being there doesnât necessarily do it. As has been said, boarding school can confer the same advantages alumni networks can provide, and frequently better than at a HYPMS (unless perhaps one is thinking of investment banking). The maturity and academic/social leg up one gains from a boarding school, particularly some boarding schools, cannot be overstated. The increased liklihood of HYPMS admission from an elite boarding school however, can.</p>