<p>My daughter has been fussing for days about how much she wants to go to a boarding school two states down. She already goes to an expensive private school, and the boarding school's tuition is twice the amount of her current private school. She is in 8th grade and says next year, all of her school friends will be moving schools and her best friend is moving to California. She isn't very well-liked in school and doesn't have many friends, so I told her boarding school is a terrible way to escape her problems. She keeps telling me that's not why, and keeps saying she really wants a better education. I also told her that after she graduates boarding school and goes off to college, her relationship with our family will be very loose. It's an all-girls boarding school, so it won't prepare her for real life with boys. Please, tell me how to stop her or convince me to send her. She wants to go to San Domenico in California.</p>
<p>From a parents side:
I would say they are too young to do boarding school. too much freedom, and too far away. Her private school is already suffice</p>
<p>My opinion, I think you should let her go. In four years from now, she’ll be off to college, She is going to leave eventually. She will be prepared for the college life, all the responsibilites etc. If she wants to go for education, good, it shows determinations and organization. COmpare the graduation statisitcs of the boarding school and the private school. and just have a “Heart-to-heart” convo with her about leaving etc. Do what your gut tells you, you’re heart will say no 'cause she is your daughter your brain might say yes due to the logistics of the situation. You gut is your first impluse, which is usualyl right.</p>
<p>Good luck. :)</p>
<p>As a parent who sends her children to the other coast for boarding school, I often feel that if we had viable local options we wouldn’t be doing this. Boarding school is very challenging for everyone (parents included). Both of my kids were pretty surprised at how hard it is. Once the novelty wears off you had better be in it for good reasons. I would let your daughter go through the entire application and decision process as much on her own as possible. She can always change her mind after visits, etc. but at least she will begin to understand the seriousness of her interest. To thwart her now could create resentment, so I guess I recommend letting her apply, visit, and get real about it. If she really wants it she will persevere. Good luck!</p>
<p>Say no.
8th graders are the worst age group ever (always have been and probably always will be.) Fortunately, they grow out of it and eventually become human beings again.
9th grade will hopefully provide some new challenges, different clubs and new opportunities to make friends.</p>
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<p>That’s easy, don’t write that check. 
If you have a good local option, BS won’t add much more value.</p>
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<p>Sounds to me as if she’s thought of a good way to solve her problem of a lack of friends. If all her friends are moving away, she’s left with the other students. If it’s a K-12 school, she won’t have a sea of new faces to befriend.</p>
<p>Her problems sound to me to be situational, not of her own making. Life isn’t a Hollywood movie, with a happy ending once you wear the right shirt, or stand up to the school bully. There are students in every school who don’t have friends. If she’s willing to confess this to you, I think you should listen to her. </p>
<p>By the way, if so many of her friends are leaving the school, why do they choose that option? What characteristic unites her friends? Does her current school have a healthy academic and social climate? It’s rather unusual for students to choose to leave a school which continues to 12th grade. No one enjoys the application process. If the school has a “mean girls” atmosphere, it won’t get miraculously better next year. If she doesn’t have many friends, it might not be her fault. You might try contacting her friends’ parents, to ask them why they plan to leave the school.</p>
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<p>I don’t know what to make of this. I haven’t noticed any correlation between single-sex and coed high schools when it comes to adult life “with the opposite sex.” Neither of my high school students wanted to look at single-sex high schools. One large advantage of a single-sex high school, in my opinion, is that it allows students to focus on academics and extracurriculars, rather than the party scene and each other’s social life. Also, all the leadership roles in an all-girls’ high school will be filled by girls. </p>
<p>You could counter her offer. There are other schools near your home? Rather than a boarding school two states away, a different day school? A public high school? If you’re in Seattle, Washington, there seem to be quite a few high schools in the immediate area.</p>
<p>Why isn’t she well liked? If she’s truly unhappy, she might find her peeps at boarding school. My kid had a tough time in junior high too–and yes it was junior high and sure, some of it was him–but it was pretty clear to us that the biggest problem was that there really weren’t any other kids at his school like him. We found a school that fit his drive and personality–and now he’s got a whole new set of challenges, but they’re the kinds of challenges that make a kid grow, not the kind that stunt the spirit. </p>
<p>I went to all-girls school in ninth grade after a crummy middle school experience and it was the best thing my parents could ever have done for me. An all-girls school can give her space to grow into her own skin without all the pressure that comes as soon as boys are around. </p>
<p>The real question here, if you can afford the boarding school, is whether the boarding school would, in fact, better fit her personality, intelligence, drive, interests–or whether, as you say, it’s just an escape. Have you visited?</p>
<p>I suggest reading through some of the threads posted on CC in the prep school forums. Many of these posters are of your daughters age. It’s inspiring to read their desire to improve or challenge their educations. It takes a special type of young person to pursue a BS education. I say if you can afford it, let her go for it. It’s the best money I’ve ever spent on my kids.</p>
<p>@seattle,</p>
<p>An attractive aspect of a selective boarding school with a low number of day students is that it draws a diverse group of students from all over. As nearly all the entering students do not know each other, they do not carry with them the social baggage they would carry if they simply moved together with their present classmates to the same high school</p>
<p>You mention that your daughter is not well-liked at her present school. Perhaps BS is a feasible way for your daughter to start highschool with a clean social slate. If you do decide to pursue BS, I suggest looking at ones with a low percentage of day students.</p>
<p>Regarding cost. FA is an option. You will be surprised how high the family income threshold is for FA elegibility.</p>
<p>Before you actually send her to a boarding school why don’t you send her to a summer boarding school first? So she will have a taste of whats it like to be in boarding school, because she might change her mind again. You know how kids are.</p>
<p>You can try [Wolfeboro</a> - The Summer Boarding School.](<a href=“teen-boarding-school.com - This website is for sale! - teen boarding school Resources and Information.”>teen-boarding-school.com - This website is for sale! - teen boarding school Resources and Information.)
Average Class Size: 5
*Wolfeboro is a summer boarding school. It provides a highly structured and supportive environment for boys and girls in grades 6 through 12. It provides an exceptional outdoor lakeside setting which emphasizes simplicity in learning. It’s a good way for students to have fun and learn during the summer period.</p>
<p>The school has a policy that prohibits the use of electronics such as music players, cell phones, computers, and the internet. It’s the school’s belief that these things are obstructions to learning. It can be quite refreshing to rediscover learning without digital distractions. The school’s vibrant and robust social life and activities on campus help children withdraw from the attachment they have with electronics.</p>
<p>Although the school is exclusively a summer boarding school, it’s also traditional in nature and structure. With the structure and the help of experienced and highly qualified staff, much can be accomplished within six weeks of classes and activities. The school has been instrumental for many students since being established in 1910 in launching themselves into the next school year with an improved self-discipline, self-confidence, and a more systematic approach to their studies.</p>
<p>It is the school’s goal to help students gain academic success through helping them form effective study habits as well as other necessary skills to help them achieve their goals.</p>
<p>Some of the sports programs available in the school’s athletic department include baseball, lacrosse, soccer, tennis, kayaking, sailing, and others.*</p>
<p>Well, let’s start with that suggestion of summer boarding school. Nice thought, but not an option if daughter is currently in 8th grade and wanting to apply to boarding school for 9th. Decisions need to be made long before summer rolls around.</p>
<p>And, no, I don’t think it’s a good idea to simply postpone boarding school for a year so OP’s daughter can “try it out” over the summer. OP’s daughter already has social issues. Switching schools between 9th and 10th grades will only make things harder.</p>
<p>I agree with what the posters above have said about honoring your daughter’s decision. Yes, it’s possible she may just be trying to run away . . . but she may also have figured out a solution that’s just right for her.</p>
<p>And, apparently, even if she is trying to run away, she’s not the only one. If all her friends are leaving, it sounds like they may know something that you don’t. I understand that you want your daughter to face her problems. But that doesn’t mean she needs to stay put when everyone she’s close to is leaving. No one needs to be that brave.</p>
<p>And that brings me to your concern about a girls’ school not preparing your daughter for a world full of boys. Well, to be blunt, as far as I’m concerned, you couldn’t be more wrong. Girls’ schools give girls a forum where they can learn to be the strongest, smartest, most assertive kids in their class . . . rather than simply relinquishing those roles to the boys. A girl who learns to speak up for herself in an all girls’ school will not lose her voice once she enters a world occupied by men. To the contrary, it’s far more likely that she will flat out refuse to allow a man to bully her or try to shut her up. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with learning to be a confident young woman in the more protected setting of an all girls’ school . . . that confidence will stay with her for life!</p>
<p>Don’t know how she came upon San Domenico, by the way. Perhaps that’s where her best friend is planning to go? But it’s a lovely choice. You should visit with her and see what you think.</p>
<p>Oh, yes, and about her relationship with her family . . . I think if you ask the parents on this forum, most, if not all, will tell you that their relationships with their kids became even stronger when the kids went away to boarding school. It doesn’t sever the family tie . . . it just changes the way you communicate.</p>
<p>I understand that you’re concerned about your daughter, but I really think you should give her a chance to explore this possibility. And you should explore it with her.</p>
<p>Honestly, she will be prepared, girls who come out from all-girls schools tend to be more confident than other girls. And usually all-girls schools would go to dances/have boyfriends from near by co-ed schools or all-boys schools. The only thing is that they won’t be in her classes directly, she will still have a connection with them. One more thing though, you might want to look at bigger school than San Dominico, it would increase her chances of meeting more people and making more friends.</p>
<p>Lots of good advice here. I think there’s much truth in the posts from wcmom1958, Periwinkle, classicalmama, GMTplus7, dodgersmom and Sparklefun.</p>
<p>I’ll add this. I don’t think there’s a blanket decision that works for everyone. I don’t think public schools are all bad or all good. I don’t think boarding schools are all bad or all good. My son went to a boarding school for a while…and he went to a parochial school later. My daughter…well, I don’t know what we’ll end up doing. I’m not in this for affirmation of my choice by encouraging others to follow in my footsteps – partly because my footsteps are all over the map. I know from long experience on this message board that the advice you got from the people I named (well, apart from Sparklefun who is new to me) does not come from that sense of affirmation that I refer to. It’s good advice that comes from experience, given generously and not from a place of neediness. For the excellent reasons already given, I think you owe it to yourself to explore other options for your daughter for next year. How much of a radius you want to put on your compass as you look at the map is a very personal decision, but I don’t think you have time to waste in terms of seeking out other options. You definitely don’t want hesitation to foreclose your options, do you?</p>
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<p>dodgersmom explained why this option isn’t practical at this stage, but I’ll also add that summer sleepaway programs can be a horribly misleading “predictor” of compatibility with boarding school.</p>
<p>My son signed up for summer programs before he received the news he would get sufficient aid to attend boarding school. We had signed him up, at his request, as a sort of consolation prize. The fees were fully paid and nonrefundable – which was tough because we really could have used that money. So away he went for 8 weeks of summer programs at 3 locations. And, had he NOT gone to boarding school, it would have been a monumental disaster. From the first night at the first program he was texting us to pick him up and cancel the other programs and boarding school. Gradually, as he “suffered” through each program, he – and, more importantly, we – figured out how to deal with this. It’s possible that boarding school would have been a disaster if he didn’t go through that learning curve ahead of time (but boarding schools are also much more on the ball and proactive about dealing with these things). If, however, we had tried to judge whether he was “boarding school material” based on how he fared in summer programs, we would have been sorely misled. He thrived in boarding school. It was in boarding school that he developed skills that he relies on in college to excel and tackle challenging subjects. He resisted having to leave boarding school, and – this is the thing that surprises most new parents – we discovered that his boarding school experience was rewarding to US, as parents. I was as sad as he was that circumstances – moving to another continent – compelled us to decide that boarding school wasn’t the best choice (although still an excellent backup plan). (I guess you could say that our radius was larger than some parents’ and smaller than others.) Based on the summer experience, however, we would have had no clue and – had we relied on it to decide whether boarding school was right for our son – we all would have missed out on a deeply enriching experience.</p>
<p>We sent our DS to a boarding school…and it was the greatest thing we could have done for him. He has grown into a fine young man…active in sports, active in drama, is a school leader, and is academically challenged.</p>