The Worry Thread (Parents Only Please; Kids can Worry on the Chances Forum)

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

<p>I’m going to help @jahphotogal because I like how she puts it all out there and hope she sticks around. On another thread, she posted the following and was advised not to hijack that topic, but I think what she is saying probably resonates with many. So, here it is. Have at it CC'ers; you have a little over a month before M10 reveals the conclusion to your angst.</p>

<p>
[quote]
Then there's always the flip side of fit - what the school thinks - ie do they think your child will be a good fit with their culture?</p>

<p>I am making myself crazy reading these boards but I can't stay away - I don't know if I want her to get into her heart's desire or not! If she gets in but doesn't get enough FA I'll feel terrible if we have to say no (plus I know I'll be arguing with JAHPhotoSpouse because he talks about taking out loans to pay and I definitely think that's a terrible idea - BS is a want, not a need, unlike college. ) Of course if she doesn't get in, I'll feel awful for her too, and wonder if I didn't do enough to help her - I didn't sign her up to take the SSATs again because I thought her scores were high enough, but looking at them now I realize that one was very high, one was in the middle (but below the average of most scools) and one was quite low for the schools she's looking at. The total is right at the average it needs to be, but I worry...</p>

<p>If she does go, I worry about all the negatives - stress, being away from parental supervision, etc. And if she doesn't, I worry about how much of a letdown it will be for all of us - now that we've seen these amazing places (and they are all amazing) our local HS, which seemed perfectly nice and fine before, looks a little lacking. She had the official visit last week, and came back complaining that everyone is required to take woodshop and agriculture (I'd actually enjoy both of those quite a bit!) The course catalog definitely doesn't stand up next to the glorious websites and books from the places we've seen! Thinking about how hard it will be for all of us to readjust our expectations, I'm almost sorry we even started down this road! We are probably just not a boarding school kind of family!</p>

<p>Of course if she gets in and gets a good FA package I'll be singing a different tune...</p>

<p>(a later post)
Why the worry? Because I'm a worrier! (But also even if I had gone to one, that doesn't necessarily make it right for my kid, who spent last night wailing, "everyone thinks I'm the smart one, who corrects the teacher, but I'm failing everything!" Which she isn't, she's just really behind from being sick for 2 weeks and missing 5 additional days because of BS visits. She is a really strong student, but she falters when the pressure is on. She thinks it will be better at BS with a strong support system, but I don't know if she's right.)</p>

<p>I don't know why i'm saying all this - CC doesn't seem to be the kind of board where people speak honestly about their fears and their kids' real strengths and weaknesses!

[/quote]
</p>

2

<p>@jahphotogal: I have some comments to make, but I have to get back to my paying job for a few hours. Will comment later. Hang in there.</p>

3

<p>Fear: Not having the apple fall far away enough from the tree as humanly possible. Having gone through boarding school in the '70’s, I was always afraid the boys would do something stupid. That really was my biggest fear.
What weaknesses there were, they have been overcome and I’ll just sound like another boasting parent. I’m coming down to the wire with 7 years of boarding school and I know I’ll miss the whole venue. I have one more (the youngest) but I’ve always said that first you have to want it, then you have to earn it and the jury is still out but her brothers are all over her like a cheap russian suit. We’ll just have to wait and see.</p>

4

<p>@jahphotogal: believe me, you are not the only worrier!
@ChoatieMom: great idea on this thread. Even if you are 100% onboard sending your kid away to school, it would be rare not to worry about doing so. </p>

<p>I think the key is not to let the worrying “take over” rational thought and I, for one, am grateful for CC and this board. It is great to have other parents to bounce ideas off of, ask questions, and offer re-assurances. </p>

<p>I am much the same as Jahphotogal in a lot of ways… I worry about the things OTHER than academics and team participation. I worry about our daughter managing her time well, about how she will get help as and when she needs it, and I worry about her making good choices when confronted with fellow students breaking the rules. BUT, those very situations are what makes going away to school such an incredibly valuable experience. I know there is a sub-set on these boards who think boarding school is all about getting into an Ivy league school, and that is fine. But, quite honestly, I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone away to school. And, very little of that was the academic learning. It is the small things that shape the experience… learning to self-advocate, how to do laundry, how to be bored on a Saturday in February, how to converse with other students who might just be learning English… that sort of thing.</p>

<p>As parents, we can’t help but worry. I am glad to have this board to ground me… so that the worry doesn’t get away from me. I view the “worry” as my job… LOL </p>

<p>So: @jahphotogal (and all the other “worriers”), know that you have an ally here.</p>

5

<p>Choatiemom, thanks for starting this thread on my behalf! I have gotten a lot of reassurance here on CC that my kid doesn’t have to be the love child of Albert Einstein and Renee Fleming to get into a great school! (She’s not - she’s more like the love child of Roseanne Barr and the nerdy principal from Ferris Bueller! Ok that’s not true either, it just sounded funny.)</p>

<p>When she came home from her last visit, at a school she ADORED, she told me that at her interview she told the AO about her love for One Direction (boy band, if you don’t happen to have a 13 year old girl in your house.) I was glad that she was honest about who she really is, but of course a part of me wondered why I couldn’t have the kid who raised money to cure an obscure disease or solve a math equation that had been troubling scientists for decades or had their debut at Carnegie Hall at age 9, as half the kids who post here seem to have done. </p>

<p>The truth is, she WANTS to be the small fish in the big pond - she thrives when she’s surrounded by amazing kids who challenge her to be her best. And any of the schools we’ve applied to would give her that.</p>

6

<p>I should think there is more than one school that wants “normal” kids… I, for one, am counting on that ! :-)</p>

7

<p>PS… no offense intended to all of the incredible kids I have read about here on CC… I just meant that MY kid is not the Albert Einstein love child either!.. oh dear, I fear I am making it worse… she more of the 1D grouping…</p>

8

<p>Ok, glancing away from my day job to calm the interview fear. When asked, DS told one AO which BS was his favorite – and it wasn’t the AO’s! Earth did not open under anyone’s feet; sun still rose the next day. It’s all good.</p>

9

<p>My Fear: That I will lose my job and we will no longer be able to afford the wonderful school for RuralSon. </p>

<p>My Equal and Opposite Fear: That I will never be able to stop working, because now RuralSon is planning on medical school!</p>

10

<p>My biggest fear when all of this began for us a few years ago:
That the reality of the school we chose would not live up to the promise.</p>

<p>Thankfully, it has.</p>

11

<p>Biggest Fear: ChoatieMom will never get off this board.</p>

<p>Second Fear: ChoatieKid will get into that expensive LAC and we’ll never retire.</p>

12

<p>Welcome Choatiedad. CC would not be as fun without Choatiemom on here. I’m sure we will move up to the college threads after prep school.</p>

<p>I worry, my middle name, that overambitious child will burnout before he enters college.</p>

13

<p>I’m with ops–worry that my kid will do something stupid. I just don’t trust that reptilian boy brain.</p>

14

<p>SevenDad… +10!</p>

<p>Having been so disappointed by the local days schools for which we’d had such high hopes, we were really concerned. We’re relieved that GG’s school is “just right” (with apologies to Goldilocks). </p>

<p>And yes, welcome, ChoatieDad! I think your fear echoes GGDad’s fears as well ;-)</p>

<p>And jahphotogal… BREATHE! We have all been there, FA worries and all. As for One Direction? I had to laugh – at least one “theme” in the day student locker room is One Direction (I think “Boy Bands” is the theme in that room) – at an all-girls’ BS. If you’re not yet familiar with “themes” – it is common for each dorm or section of a dorm to have a decorative motif for the year. At GG’s school, the day students have a rather lovely locker room (the lockers are wood, and look more like cabinets, though they do, I believe, lock.</p>

<p>All this to say… hang in there. And know we’re all here with you!</p>

15

<p>I wasn’t much of a worry wart during the admissions process but now that she’s at school I’m a ridiculous wreck. She’s only been there since September, her grades are terrific, she has a bunch of friends, and I spend my time worrying that she’s not involved in enough activities. And when I don’t worry about that, I worry that she doesn’t have enough intellectual curiosity. I hate to think how I would be warping her if she were home!</p>

16

<p>

</p>

<p>OK, jahphotogal, here goes.</p>

<p>Worries I’ve already shared:</p>

<p>[post=14478203]The Sanity and Morality of Spending $200K on High School[/post]</p>

<p>[post=14879417]Losing My Kid too Soon[/post]</p>

<p>Recent worries I’ve kept (somewhat) to myself:</p>

<ul>
<li> BS enabling DS to follow a passion that may lead to him living in a box under the freeway</li>
<li> DS following a passion that technically doesn’t require a college degree</li>
<li> DS getting accepted to top/expensive schools for this non-required degree</li>
<li> Being the only BS parent who prays DC doesn’t get into his top choices</li>
<li> Wondering how the heck we ended up here?</li>
</ul>

<p>Thankfully, I have this board and a couple of very special CC’ers who talk me off this ledge when I’m teetering there and a son who reminds me, “Mom, it’s all about the journey.”</p>

<p>Oh, and one other worry – how did ChoatieDad find me here?</p>

17

<p>I just want to say: I love this thread. Thank you, ChoatieMom for starting it. And if you need help hiding from ChoatieDad, we can always say we haven’t seen you… LOL</p>

18

<p>ChoatieMom, we’ll say you’re staying at a friend’s house.</p>

19

<p>Between this and the up your rep posts GMT pointed me too, I may never get my chortling self to work.</p>

<p>One more for the road… worry that the middle child will be in counseling for years because we didn’t send him to bs, which clearly shows we love his brother more than him and we think he’s a big fat dummy.</p>

20

<p>+1 on that classicalmama. I feel pretty strongly that BS is not the way to go for my younger child - now 12 and in 6th grade - so I alternate between worrying about what we’ll do if he’s interested in going, and worrying that he’ll feel he’s being treated as a second class citizen for staying home. The reality is that I doubt he’ll even want to go at all! (he’s visiting his sister at SPS for the first time in a few weeks so we’ll see what he says after that).</p>