1st paragraph common app review

College Essays
1

<p>This is really isn’t happening is it, I think to myself. It was too devastating to be real. I was certain it was a horrible nightmare. My only hope for relief was my alarm clock, and it unfortunately never went off. It was early Saturday morning, usually I would be sleeping in, but its not every day that your world gets turned up side down. If I stood close enough, the heat and glow radiated off of my porcelain skin. As I watched in horror, I realized this was no longer a dream; it was reality. I could not help stare into endless destruction. The tears in my eyes blurred everything insight. As much as I wanted to rid myself from the scene of destruction, the blaze sparked my interest. As I watched my church, St. John Vianney Catholic Church, burn to the ground, I could not help but compare my life’s same outcome. Just as the church was drenched with kerosene, so was my life. It was a disaster waiting to happen. </p>

<p>Should I continue this essay, or scratch it.</p>

2

<p>The imagery and suspense is great, but the subject is not. To be honest, it doesn’t make make much sense either (let alone the bad grammar). The admissions committed want to admit optimistic, people, whose essays make them smile. Now I don’t know if you were going to change the tone around later on in the essay, but I would go with a more positive intro, even though some people can make a negative one work out. Although the essay does show that you’re passionate about church, I don’t know. If you can think of a better topic, then go for it IMO. Good luck! I will be filling out applications as well!</p>

3

<p>dont worry, i was planning on changing the tone to a positive note. The transformation in the church reflects the transformation in me (positive). Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate the honesty</p>

<p>fyi, as the essay progressed I was going to stay away from the church part. This essay is not about religion or my faith at all. Its just a metaphor</p>