My College Essay. The more readers the better!

<p>The prompt for this essay was about courage and obstacles I've overcome and how I used courage to overcome them. Be honest in your critiques please! I appreciate any constructive criticism. </p>

<p>Do you want help to get on the right path?" said Brother Lechel. I sat with a tissue in my sweaty hand slowly tearing it apart thinking, "I can turn this all around and not lose my family if I simply answer with a yes... I can't. I wish someone would just stand up for me. Why did my parents bring me here? They sit beside me while I decide what to choose: my family and their religion or my chance for a higher education and what I truly believe. Why don't they speak up now and say 'I can't believe a religion would make a fifteen year old girl choose her beliefs over her family. This is ridiculous. We're leaving.'? That's a stupid question. They would never choose anything over their religion. Not even their daughter. Say no. It's my choice to make anyway, not theirs. Say no." I tried to shake my head, it didn't work. I tried to open my mouth, it didn't work. The lights in the room weren't bright but it still felt like the only light in the room was shining only on me. I didn't look up, I kept my eyes locked on the tissue that had been reduced to soft, damp shreds of cloth. I knew all eyes were on me. "Why have I been wishing for them to save me?" I asked myself, "Why have I been hoping for someone to stand up for me? I have two feet and I choose to stand on my own. I have the freedom to choose my faith and this isn't it. If my family doesn't understand that, it's their loss, not mine. I'm the hero of my own story. I choose where I take my life not my parents or my brother or my sister or my friends or a religion. The answer to Brother Lechel's question is no." I finally spoke up, "No" softly came out of my lips. I could feel my parent's disappointment as they shifted in their seats next to me. "No?" Brother Nixon asked to confirm my answer. I could've hesitated and changed my answer but I didn't. I immediately answered him back, "Correct.". Although I knew very well that my answer guaranteed that my family and life-long friends would disown me, it felt as if I used every muscle in my body to lift the world off of my shoulders and put it in the palm of my hands.</p>

<p>I think this may be a great essay, but I’m not sure I understand what the context is… What is the situation? Why is your family making you choose? Did you leave your family? It’s really vague in terms of details and it’s hard to follow the story like this. Provide more context!</p>

<p>Thank you! It’s really complicated so I can’t explain all of it but I decided that I didn’t want to be in my parents religion anymore and most of my family disowned me when that decision was made but my parents and siblings said that they will disown me when I turn 18…</p>