<p>Thank you all for the insight and advice! A handwritten note and baked goods I can do… even in this chaotic time (thus the desire to give the extra thanks…)</p>
<p>Since I’m a 1st year parent, I think this might be a good place to ask. I just read in another post, that at some private/boarding schools the students have a cap on how many colleges they can apply to. Is that a fact?</p>
<p>Ours does not as far as I know. The school gives us a log-in for Naviance and our D gave us access to her Common App site which makes it easier for the school to upload all the required paperwork to those schools using the system.</p>
<p>The school actually asked us, this summer, if there were schools that should be on her list that weren’t.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I could see limited those students who have the financial resource (or have fees waived) to apply to dozens and dozens. That wouldn’t be practical. Sometimes a limit might be a way to make a student focus. </p>
<p>But I’ve never heard of it. With good college counseling there shouldn’t be a reason to go overboard with applications.</p>
<p>According to a presentation by the college counseling office I attended this past Parents weekend, until this year, Choate imposed a limit of ten schools. The ten apps included three reach schools, three likelies, three safteties, and the applicant’s state U. That sounds like a reasonable approach to me, but I think the change was made mostly to appease parents who didn’t think it covered enough gound. Personally, I thought ten was an outrageous number, but I have since learned that I am delusional.</p>
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Hurrah for the voices of sanity amidst the lunacy that is college admissions.</p>
<p>Even our local public school has imposed a cap on number of college applications - recommend 6, will bend to 8 max.</p>
<p>This allows high schools to give a better yield - if there are not so many students applying to Elite U, the ones that do apply have a higher chance of actually attending, which likely leads to more students accepted in the next year, and down the line.</p>
<p>ChoatieMom - depends on the goal. Your child and mine are looking at similar degree programs where - for instance - one college only takes a handful of kids into that program and you have to wait until spring to find out if you’re even a “finalist” invited for an onsite interview. My daughter decided to scratch it off the list. I started looking at the overall numbers over break and we’re slightly over ten. But it wouldn’t be as high if the desired degree program wasn’t so specialized and so competitive. I’ll tell you how it goes in the spring. Pray for us! 
(sigh - Exie who remembers the good ole days when I applied to only two reach schools and my state U.)</p>
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<p>Choatie who remembers the good ole days when I dropped out of beauty school to become my best friend’s roommate at U-Mich for second semester just so university housing wouldn’t move a stranger into her room.</p>
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<p>Yes, but I might not be too upset if he doesn’t get into any of those programs. ;)</p>
<p>(Praying for you, hoping for your daughter, and sending hugs and warm thoughts to your entire family.)</p>
<p>Echoing what Kara said upthread. My son is hating his new school right now. He is a junior. Sports aren’t going well for him and that is coloring everything. He’s talking about not going back next year (disastrous idea in my book). Staying up too late talking to west coast friends…etc. Finding myself worrying quite a bit. I have spoken with the coach and the school counselor and emailed his advisor…just have to hope for the best I guess. How is your daughter doing now?</p>
<p>Fingers crossed for everyone with a student in the middle of mid-winter blues. Try to keep them positive. Talk to the advisors, coaches, teachers - there is no such thing as too many telephone calls to the people who can tell you what is really going on. Hoping that the coaches are educators rather than business-people (hockey in general has some, let’s call it issues, these days), but even if they aren’t, you can get through it. </p>
<p>I bent the ear of my daughter’s advisor every other day for a while, until the first year crises subsided. I owe the advisor a lot - I’m a better parent now. My daughter owes the advisor a lot - she’s a stronger person now. They are there, they are watching, and they are invaluable in their ability to offer advice to the student in a way that isn’t “oh its just my parents again”. </p>
<p>I don’t want to trivialize the sports issue - it is a big interest for many - but kids can weather even that storm, if they find something that takes their mind off it. Here’s my own sports story - my daughter was planning to play hockey in BS. Didn’t happen, because the girls’ JV team was cut the year she arrived. She played rec that year, and enjoyed it, but didn’t get anywhere near the fitness I was hoping she would find. Next year even the rec was cut. BUT she joined the speech team kind of on a lark, kind of because the speech coach had heard her speaking at an all-school meeting, and said to her “if you ever quit your winter sport, you should try speech”. Long story short, she loved it, did well, and gained immense confidence. Though the door closed, the window opened. </p>
<p>AND she got a real educator as a coach, rather than the unfortunate business-logic approach that seems to characterize hockey these days. </p>
<p>AND she just got into college without any sports hook. Turns out they really are looking for people who can write and speak. </p>
<p>AND I took her out last night to my open hockey game, and it turns out that even though she never did get the 10,000 hours of training, and hasn’t skated for two years, she can hold her own against grown men in a fun friendly game, and she said afterwards, “Mom, I get it now - everything I was doing as a kid has made it possible for me to be here tonight having a great time”. </p>
<p>So hang tough - you are not alone, there are folks at the school who will help you and your student, you just need to ask, and keep asking. And while I don’t advocate learning everything the hard way, a little adversity doesn’t hurt in the long run.</p>
<p>Just returned home with GG for two blessed weeks of family time. A very happy and/but tired gal, and a successful and growth-filled first term.</p>
<p>Thank you old pros for the advice and insights about advisor “thank yous.” The baked goods were a hit across the board.</p>
<p>Happy holidays to all, and looking forward to a fresh new term in the new year!</p>
<p>Bumping to see how 1st year parents are doing in this season of exams and cold weather…</p>
<p>Bumping for new parents</p>
<p>Bumping…perhaps some of the new 1st year parents can contribute with stories from this year</p>
<p>Seems like a good time to talk about having kids home for the summer :). Now that the kids have been home for a couple of weeks, I am seeing huge changes, and growth, in how they handle themselves. I am so proud! Mind you, I also see that it is increasingly difficult for them to connect with local friends, and that’s particularly hard for our younger child. I also see that they are better at structuring their own time than they have been before. For older child, all local social connections are gone and time now is spent prepping for college. I think I am sadder about this than older child is. It is very hard for kids who have 50-70K spent on their education to come home and relate to kids who have 10K spent. The gap in experience and opportunity is too wide, and too much must be hidden. Second child was always the more social, and is grieving a bit for more carefree days when no self-editing or guardedness was required. </p>
<p>And for us parents, there will always be social isolation resulting from our decision to send kids away. Still worth it though.</p>
<p>We didn’t get much communication throughout the school year except during leisurely meals at home on vacation. Seems that DS just doesn’t want to tell all on cue and under time pressure. He did call home more the last third of the year than the first two thirds. However, there have been a few instances this summer of his having directly and sincerely offered up thoughts that show the maturity a first year at BS can produce. He is a good listener who has bought into the messages offered up by so many at his school . . . and we now have a more overtly grateful and empathic kid as a result. His written note to his sister for her 8th grade graduation, which took place during his own school trip abroad, brought tears to her eyes. That was a new phenomenon.</p>
<p>good info, thx for sharing!!</p>
<p>Bumping for this year’s First Time BS parents.</p>
<p>Lots of good advice on here. So far SoxKid seems to be doing well. The other night I asked him how his classes compared to classes at his old school (which was a good private day school that he liked), and his response was that the classes at BS were “more engaging.” Not a word my 14 year old son would normally use, so I thought something must be going well!</p>
<p>I had bookmarked this thread earlier as I thought there was a lot of great information which I would need to read over again! Week 1 has been a huge success - so much so that I am kind of waiting for a “crash”…</p>
<p>She settled in within minutes. Literally. I have spoken to her a total of 3 mins since dropping her off on Saturday. Any input out there from veteran parents as to when I might expect the first crisis? I am happy she is happy, but I am definitely feeling left out. The hardest part is that she made the varsity field hockey team, and I can’t see the games. I stalk the school’s twitter feed hoping for an score. LOL I will just have to wait to hear about it over the weekend. There is simply not time for her to call me during the school week (well especially not the first week). I hope all the other first-timers are having an OK week.</p>