I did not see where this thread had been created. IF it has, moderator, please take it down and pin the other one.
I just wanted to create a thread so we parents could communicate on how each year was going for us and our kids. How is everyone doing so far? Are your kids adjusting well? Do you feel part of the community? Any surprises, good or bad? Any regrets?
As for us, it seems DD is doing very well at school. She is super busy but loving everything. She immediately jumped in and felt at home. She has reported that everyone has been very accepting and kind - and she is one who will definitely raise some eyebrows at first glance. We have found an amazing community of families already within the school and we haven’t even been to Parent’s Weekend yet. She is a bit disappointed that they have not yet started seated meals, because she was really ready to get to know people that she wouldn’t normally talk to/interact with. But thanks to COVID, she will have to wait for this for a bit. All in all - we have absolutely no regrets. I can’t wait to see her in a few weeks!
So far, so good for us. My son came home this weekend and it was the first I really got to talk to him. I was so proud to hear all the things he has done so far (went for extra help on a subject because the teacher was covering material very quickly, went to the weight room and introduced himself to the trainers and has gone there to work out almost every day etc.) It feels like he grew up 10 years in 3 weeks! He said he came home because “weekends are boring” and I did not sense any homesickness. His sport is a winter sport so once that starts, I don’t think he will be asking to come home on weekends. The best thing I heard was how he really liked all of his teachers and is enjoying his classes - absolutely no complaints from him about academics. His school is having seated lunches but he said there is barely enough time to eat so he isn’t really getting to talk to the faculty and other students at lunch. He seems to be making plenty of friends in other ways though so its not a big deal. No regrets here so far!
@buuzn03@lindquik You should both consider yourselves very lucky. Acclimation can take a long time, especially for kids who have a choice - I mean those who are spoiled and believe they can ask their parents to transfer them back to their LPS if necessary. Those who are super smart or ultra wealthy tend to be picky, wishing they’d stayed in the comfort of their homes instead of having to wait for shower rooms down the hall.
My K1 had little problem adjusting to boarding life, while my K2 took a few weeks. Quite some others took even longer - maybe a semester or a year, and some never did. Although the schools NEVER talk about it, you’ll find year after year that a few kids leave voluntarily at the end of their first year, most of them heading home.
Parents also have to adjust. Kids typically cry a lot during their first few week or two, then it’s the parents’ turn to cry, because they no longer hear from the kids as often as they’d like!
Thank you - and I agree, we are lucky that he seems to have picked the right school for him! His stress level has increased this past week with the increasing academic demands/pressure but it’s the “good” stress so far - pushing him to work hard and focus. We expected this, like many kids, he was used to getting great grades with moderate effort and now he has to work harder which was expected and he knew it was coming.
Both of my kids seemed to slip seamlessly into their BS life. My first did not have a choice of schools…he was only accepted into one. (He is Class of 2025 college). But, @CarnegieDad, I don’t know how much was luck versus mindset. He had an awful teacher his first semester that pre-judged him so badly, I told her she had my kid confused with someone else during our teacher conference. It turns out she didn’t, but she absolutely stereotyped him and never gave him a chance (it turned out, she was known for doing this with American males). He didn’t complain…he stuck it out. He also had a kid cheat off of his Latin exam, unbeknownst to him. A BOT kid. The kid was made to apologize to mine, but no other disciplinary action. Awkward social set up for the rest of the year, to say the least. Many obstacles were thrown in his way at BS. But he was of the mindset that he would make the best of it. And he did….all the way through remote learning and Covid-19.
My DD has had some ups and downs, too. She’s a bit eclectic and not as much of a wallflower as my DS (huge understatement). She has had people yell at her across the campus “What the *@+# are you wearing?”, felt somewhat alienated from the group of friends she knew going in, and had some academic challenges that were hard to overcome. But she does not focus on the negative…she revels in her amazing roommate, her fantastic teachers and all of the wonderful things she’s experiencing, which are the reasons she wanted to go to BS.
Both of my kids ended up in schools perfect for them, so we were lucky with that. But they also know that for anything to be successful, it takes work. And there is no point focusing on the negative…instead, focus on the solution.
I’m not sure about being lucky, but I will agree that I am fortunate. I have great kids with great outlooks and resolve. And the schools they landed in were/are great communities, as advertised.
My K2 is going through exactly the same situation, which is good. I think most BS do a pretty good job keeping the kids busy, which is a great way of training them to allocate their time wisely.
I was surprised by the wide range of academic levels, particularly in math, for new students. DD said that many students started with the basic level of transitional math which I think is more like 6th grade level. And we are talking about a school known for math. On the other side, there are kids who have learned calculus coming in.
Maybe kids at lower level will be on an accelerated path and catch up at the end? Anyways the fact that the range is wider than my local public school is surprising.
That is interesting - I wonder if that is typical or due to COVID where the schooling opportunities were very broad - some (highly ranked) public schools near us were fully remote and only covered about 30% of what they typically would in a year. My son’s private school did a good job in my opinion and got them back in person most of last year but even there, I bet they only covered 70-80% of what they would in a typical year.
Many BS, even the very top ones, have quite a few students who were accepted on special hooks, some of whom might not have scored high on the SSAT. Counselors will likely advise them to take more basic courses to allow more room for adjustment/improvement later on. It is not much different in colleges - where some overachieving freshmen might already have a lot of intro courses waived, and head straight to classrooms with a bunch of juniors.
This reminds me of a great old movie, Scent of A Woman, starring Al Pacino and Chris O’Donnell. (Incidentally, the filming site of the boarding school is Emma Willard School in upstate NY.)
In the movie, Chris O’Donnell is an FA student oftentimes bullied by entitled kids. Those scenes are definitely not uncommon at any boarding school that is rich in legacy (pun intended). I am sorry you son had to go through the ordeal, but also very proud for what he has done. Kudos!
I took umbrage when you called Scent of a Woman an old movie (because that would mean that I’m old). Then I realized it’s 30 years old. Therefore I AM old.
Youth is but a state of mind; health is much more important. During the past few months, I have lost two dear friends to cancer (both in their 40s), while another acquaintance became a first-time dad at 70 (his wife is 48, and the pregnancy was 100% natural, which is nothing short of a miracle).
Another movie that also depicts boarding school life pretty well is Dead Poets Society, starring a young Ethan Hawke and the late Robin Williams. It was filmed on the beautiful campus of St. Andrews School in Delaware.
That’s surprising. At least for me (class of 2023, which obviously didn’t have Covid has a factor while going into freshman year), there were less than 8 out of 150 students in the lowest level of math (Algebra 1, the standard 9th grade math class). I’d estimate around 60% of students were in geometry, 25% in Algebra 2, 10% in Precalc, and there was exactly 1 student in Calculus BC; so while there was some distribution, it was mostly a “two-tier” system, with no one incredibly far ahead or behind like you describe.
This isn’t the typical experience from what I’ve seen. There are/were plenty of super wealthy kids at both my kids’ BSs and none of them ever complained about leaving the comforts of home. Maybe a few kids a year are crying but again, from what Ive seen that kind of adjustment is rare, not normal.
Hi All - just checking in to see how everyone is doing. It’s my sons first round of finals are this week - he seems to be handling the pressure OK so far… we’ll see how he feels after the exams. I can’t wait to get him home for Thanksgiving break! How are your kiddos doing? Are their finals before or after the Thanksgiving break? Are they excited to come home?
