<p>I agree about PARENT adjustment. The whole first year is tough. And I went to boarding school and was equally excited for our daughter to go. What I was NOT prepared for is the “not being needed” part. I found it very hard to be left out. My daughter jumped right in and had no homesickness/adjustment issues. I, on the other hand, sat around a lot “stalking” the web site hoping for a glimpse or mention of her. </p>
<p>I confess, even in our second year, I am still not sure where and when I should wade in on things… I try hard not to be “that parent” so I sometimes err on the side of not contacting anyone. That may or may not be the right approach, but I want to create a situation where:</p>
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<li>my kid has a chance to figure things out on her own and occasionally fail. I realize some parents will not agree with me on that, but I truly believe that failure is character building. </li>
<li>the school springs into action when I ask for help. If I call or email over every little thing, the likelihood of that happening is less. So I try to let things go.</li>
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<p>Seriously, there were a few points in the year when the grades were released and they were not great… and it seemed as if no one but me cared. Obviously that is not true. It’s just that the school is used to young teenagers in their first year being away from home, and of all the details/changes/rollercoasters that this entails. In fact, that tumult that many experience in one way or another usually also comes with immense personal growth.</p>
<p>Ultimately, I learned to be OK with things. In fact, this year I seem to be having better and more frequent contact with my daughter. I believe this is because we have both been through that first year and the anxieties of the “unknown” are diminished. I have also realized that, no matter how much we parents want our kids to succeed and to have straight A’s, that is truly up to the kids at this point. It doesn’t help the relationship to freak out over grades. No matter how disappointed (or proud) we might be in a course grade, or a way the kids handle a social situation, it is what the kids themselves think that matters now. </p>
<p>In fact, this year at drop off, I told my daughter to stop trying to make her father and me proud and work on making HERSELF proud. I am not sure she truly understood (or believed me! LOL) but I meant it. We chose boarding school primarily for the personal growth that comes with going away to school. I realized that my anxieties last year may have interfered with that. </p>
<p>I can say that by relaxing and trusting your child and the school to “do what they do best”, the entire process is better. I realize that any first-year parents reading this might not be convinced, and that there are many families in BS for whom top grades and colleges are the primary goal. My advice is still the same: relax, stay in the loop, wade in when necessary (truly necessary) and trust the system… show your kids you trust them. They are away from home and need you to be supportive and a trusted sounding board. </p>