<p>Well, it’s much harder on us than it is on them. I really missed my D, and she settled in just fine with new friends, classes, teachers, sports and dorm staff. In fact, we had to be rather confrontational to get an agreement to talk once a week and answer e-mails or texts. They are busy as heck. The advisor said “no news is good news.”</p>
<p>Don’t be surprised when the first visit home is composed of sleep for 36 hours straight, then talking to boarding school friends the rest of the time.</p>
<p>london: I feel your pain! I am thrilled that my D has settled in so well too… she made JV field hockey, glee club, acappella groups, and my only email lately was “Hi Mom, I need cleats!”
I found myself walking aimlessly around Main Street last weekend… it’s a HUGE change not to have her at home. But she sounds so happy, so busy, and has found lots of friends. She has stepped out of her comfort zone and is trying new things. I miss her like crazy, but I couldn’t ask for a better beginning to her BS experience.
I was very involved in parent stuff at her middle school, so now I feel SO out of the loop. I used to see all of her grades online, for all of her class assignments! So this is HARD. But I guess will have to think of it as a growth experience for me too! ;)</p>
<p>FWIW, SevenDaughter was TERRIBLE at communication her frosh year. Like 2prepmom, I had to get a bit “confrontational” about this over that first winter break. It improved a little frosh year, but really did click in Soph year, when we fell into a standing agreement to try and connect on Sunday afternoon/evening.</p>
<p>So far SoxKid has wanted to have at least a quick phone call most nights. I don’t get very much information from him when we do talk, though, unless I ask very specific yes/no questions (did you get the package I sent, etc). Any question that starts “how’s” (how’s the food, how’s soccer going, etc) is just met with “good.” Ah well, at least I know he’s still alive. I did tell him before he went to school that I’d only pay his tab at the school snack bar if I felt like keeping in touch with us. He knows that the “price” for his food is information for me.</p>
<p>I confess that I am thrilled she is so happy, but I am feeling sad that she does not miss me AT ALL. I will adjust. Even though I thought I was prepared for this experience, I did not reckon on the feeling that I just “got fired” from being her mom. LOL </p>
<p>ChotieMom: I will read that link… will take all the advice I can get! Thanks.</p>
<p>I know these kids have zero time in the beginning… there are very few extra minutes in the day (especially the first week)… I don’t expect much more for a while. But a mom can hope, can’t she? :-)</p>
<p>There is no getting around what a huge adjustment it is when the kids leave, whether that is for BS or college. As a fourth year BS parent, and a first year college parent, I notice that parents seem to grieve about equally whether the kids are at BS or college. There is that initial shock of physical separation that lessens a little every fall, but has never gone completely away for us. D’s adjustment to college has been a cake walk after going to BS, and our own grieving seems minimal compared to that of her PS peer’s families. But the house is quiet, and for the fourth time I am trying to plan projects that fill the void this fall. </p>
<p>So I remind myself that our last weekend as empty nesters in May always feel sad too – as we anticipate the chaos, mess and expense that the kids’ homecoming brings. Just when we come to enjoy the empty nest it fills up again. </p>
<p>BS prepared our D for college in ways that I can’t even articulate. It’s a great reminder that the sacrifices we made for BS were worth it. But we still have to remind ourselves. It’s not easy. I have read this thread with great empathy. It is so helpful to know there are so many of us who experience this.</p>
<p>I had a really hard time last year (freshman) with the lack of communication from my D. She was happy and busy and I was stalking FB, school’s webpage, Flickr etc. </p>
<p>I think it’s especially hard as we partner with them through the whole BS search and then suddenly it’s their journey and we have to just go on with our lives without them. Like cameo, I was very involved in D’s schools - elementary and middle - PTA board etc, now I was/am pretty much out of the loop.</p>
<p>It’s easier this year because I knew what to expect. It’s only been a week, had one Skype call although to be truthful it’s because kid needed some family history for an assignment.</p>
<p>It is part of the arc of independence that they reduce their amount of communication. DC, now a junior, told me last spring that talking to us often initiates a bout of homesickness, so there’s a preference to manage that by only calling when there’s a need. It tugs the heart strings, but makes perfectly good sense, as well. Celebrate when they are home and rain down torrents of praise for all of the wonderful accomplishments they are achieving in these VERY demanding environments. The maturation process is truly incredible!</p>
<p>We’re seeing a big gender difference on the communication issue, whether it be from a distance, or at school, since we have been down for one game in recent days. Worth remembering that the boys are no less complicated than the girls – they tend to keep their thoughts more to themselves, though I’d hope that at the BS, their peers and adult mentors might be in the loop if I am not! Lots of ups and downs for the kid, even in just one day. And even among siblings, the whole homesickness thing could be vastly different in how it’s experienced.</p>
<p>I’ve been a lurker here for months - and finally made an account so that I can participate. Thanks for all the info here - my son is barely communicating with us, but he is as joyful and engaged as he has ever been when we do talk! He could not be happier right now.</p>
<p>GMTson communicates regularly now-- a BIG improvement vs his first year! Voice call on the weekends and freq messaging and photo-sharing during the week.</p>
<p>Now going through this with my (much less communicative when away) second son. It’s good, in my experience, to have some specific expectations, going with your kid’s flow–sometimes it takes some experimenting to figure out what method of communication works best for a particular kid. This one, we’re finding, will send all sorts of stuff to us via facebook chat–photos, summaries of the week, etc. Older son still prefers to call to check in. </p>
<p>It really is good news most of the time (not always!) when they don’t call/contact you–but it’s fine to tell them that you want to hear from them in some form and how often. For example, I like, at a minimum, a quick on-line chat at least every few days over a longer call once a week (because I forget what I wanted to talk about!) and that seems to fit my kid better too, since he can ignore me when he needs/wants to. My basic expectation is that if I text or chat something, that I get at least a ya or no in response some time that day. Other parents are happy with a longer once a week phone call. But establishing some kind of regular pattern of communication is good all around, so that if things do come up, you find out early rather than after they’ve escalated into crises.</p>
<p>99% of all text messages I send are answered with the letter K. </p>
<p>Most days that response is totally fine (they’re alive! Yay!!), but there are some days I feel like firing back: We have sold everything and we’re moving to Costa Rica, K?</p>
<p>Photo Mom: no, it’s not just a boy thing. I have been sending the usually very chatty and communicative D an email or text every day, mostly just “love you, hope you’re having a great day” type notes but occasionally asking specific questions, and what do I get in response to just about every message?<br>
" KK "</p>
<p>And if you can’t even get a K, go with facebook chat where you at least get the oh-so-minor satisfaction of knowing that he/she has seen your message. Love that little checkmark…</p>
<p>Too funny. The other night I had to explain to SoxKid that when an adult (like his grandmother) sends him an email, she expects at least some acknowledgement of it even if it doesn’t explicitly ask him a question that he thinks he needs to answer. Seemed to be news to him.</p>