I know this is sensitive.
I’m not nuts about videotaping, still wonder who goes back and rewatches that often, for the $$. But I think people need to accept zooming an event as a way of the times. I’m not sure it’s an invasion of a private moment. It can be done discreetly.
Of course, not every Tom, Dick, and Harriett needs access. Imo, that’s how you control your sense of privacy. Or intimacy. Of course, it’s not inexpensive. That’s a consideration.
@lookingforward IMO the “zoom or not to zoom” is completely personal preference. My D and FSIL who (fingers crossed) will be married with only immediate family present in a few weeks feel strongly that they don’t want to zoom their wedding even though a grandparent can’t come. They simply don’t want to see any “devices” at their ceremony. Also they have “attended” zoom weddings of friends – they didn’t love the experience of watching online nor did they like seeing one (or more) phones out at the ceremony. Instead they will videochat with the grandmother later that afternoon and send photos. The grandmother is happy with this plan.
They do plan to re-affirm their vows next year when (fingers crossed again) they can have the larger party that was initially slated for this year so hopefully friends and extended family can celebrate with them in person next year (the only thing my D asked for was to have the officiant back to do the ceremony next year because she wants the vow renewal in front of friends/family to feel important/official and we have agreed to do that).
D and FSIL have handled the disappointment of changing wedding plans with grace and maturity so if no zooming is their choice after carefully considering the options we all (including the grandmother that can’t attend) will be supportive.
IMO this is an unprecedented time, a time when there is no clear right or wrong answer. People should make choices that are safe, considerate, and that make them feel as good as possible about the situation. If not zooming makes D and FSIL happy, then that is our answer.
I agree with no devices out during the ceremony. At one relative’s wedding I was asked to get the word out that the bride wanted to look out and see people’s faces not their phones or cameras. Stated that way, most people complied. Those who didn’t took a couple quick pics then put their phones away.
^^ Agreed. Even before this pandemic D and FSIL had decided they wanted a “technology free” ceremony and planned to put that in the wedding program so everyone knew. It is something they have always felt strongly about and we have to respect their wishes.
I do agree it’s personal choice.
I do mind photographers who crawl around the B & G.
I didn’t want guests taking pics at my wedding, back in the Instamatic days, lol.
But, the one zoom watch I did, in June, was from a distance. The photog stood offsides left for the B coming in, then at the back. She zoomed in from there, maybe once.
I think a pre facetime is lovely.
We asked all guests to put away their devices during the ceremony. There was a sign as they walked in. The photographers stayed well out of the way. D1 had a videographer for the wedding and some of her friends didn’t at their weddings. Few of them told her that they wished they did because they were so busy at the wedding that they couldn’t see everything/everybody. D1 & her husband have watched the video later their leisure and also at their first anniversary. I did question whether we needed to do a video.
She said, “We are already spending all that money, why not just spend a bit more to capture the moment.” In hindsight, I had to agree with her.
Congratulations to @cptofthehouse and @runnersmom.
Gift questions. We were invited to 2 weddings. One was a huge event from a friend of DD whose parents we have become close to. Because of covid, the shower was cancelled (after invites). I sent a small gift that I’d had ingraved before this all happened. I would have gotten something additional from the registry. Big wedding was sized way down. Not invited to that. Enjoyed the live stream without getting dressed up. Big bash is rescheduled for next year. Do we send a gift now or next year? Something big next year, a token now, nothing?
Niece is getting married in 2 weeks. Small wedding scaled down to immediate family and wedding party. No shower. No zoom, no live stream. No plan for something next year. This is it. What do we do about a gift? Send the same as we would have if plans hadn’t changed?
We are in the same situation. We sent a shower gift when they had the zoom shower (which very nice, BTW) and will send the wedding gift in 2022 when the wedding we are invited to happens.
Re: Zoom and weddings a devices. My in-laws were unable to attend their grandsons wedding five years ago for medical reasons. I was asked if I minded using FaceTime or Skype or something (honestly, i don’t remember what i used) so they could see the event as it was happening. I was seated on the far side in the front row. I think most everyone knew why I had a device out and the bride requested no devices! My in-laws were muted, but they could see and hear the wedding. They were very grateful that this was done.
If the weddings now are being recorded, can they be digitally sent to chosen folks who can’t attend (like parents or grandparents)?
@coconuts, for niece I would send the same gift as you would have otherwise.
For the other I would probably send the main gift now, but I think that’s more a personal choice.
My D got married 3/28. The 150 person at a venue turned into immediate family in my backyard. They live streamed the wedding on Instagram (created a new account just for the wedding)and the phone taping was to the side on a tripod. Not intrusive.
First, congratulations @cptofthehouse! Even in these chaotic and uncertain times, an engagement is cause for celebration! I have heard that planning is tough for new dates, but on the other hand I’ve heard that some venues are only allowing rescheduled events on “off” days and nights, saving prime Saturday and Sunday dates for new couples. Not the case at our venue (we rescheduled for a Saturday night next March), but your S and FDIL may get lucky.
As for technology at ceremonies, at S1’s wedding three years ago they requested that personal devices be put away but they did have an unobtrusive videographer.
To be honest, I don’t know what my S and FDIL have decided regarding the backyard wedding this coming Saturday. We have had conversations about streaming vs. recording (they will do one of them for grandparents who cannot attend) but this is one detail that does not include me. B’s BIL is the tech guy in all of this so whatever they choose to do, he will take care of. I think whatever it is will be stationary - no one moving around.
In the other direction, FDIL put together for my S an absolutely amazing video compilation of well wishes from friends and family who can’t be here, all set to a variation on the Star Wars titles and themes (his favorite - the recessional music is from SW). This will be played during dinner. She shared it with me in advance and the love with which this was created confirmed for me once again how much this woman loves my son.
As for gifts, some of my friends have been in touch to say they want to send gifts now rather than wait for the celebration rescheduled (hopefully) for March 2021. They have all been so supportive of us and the kids and they have been gifting them the same things as they would have had they attended the original wedding. I intend to do the same for a friend’s son whose wedding was canceled in May. They are having a “one-time only” very small wedding the week after S’s and I will be sending the same gift I would have had we attended.
We are at T-5 and counting!
For parents with weddings planned for this weekend—Will the current hurricane have any impact on your events?
Congrats @runnersmom and @cptofthehouse!
Its so interesting to see the different choices. Neither s’s had videographers at their weddings, and tbh I wish I could re-watch the ceremonies as I can’t recall what music the guitarist played at DS#2’s wedding. That said, D some friend of DS#1 did unobtrusively video the ceremony and everyone was appreciative. Also, DS#1 read his vows off his phone!
I’ve attended one zoom wedding. It was nice to be able to watch. We are invited to one in October (the “invitation” came with the link to the website and the gift registry’s) and I don’t think we would have made the cut to attend the wedding if it were in person, but ok, I’ll send a gift.
The shower I was supposed to host is postponed since the wedding is postponed for a year. Will wait and see what happens… I suggested a zoom shower but that idea was politely declined.
I agree it is the decision of the bride and groom. I do think devices like iPhones out is unnecessary during a ceremony. The Zoom idea - well, it might discourage some people to come when they can just watch at home I suppose. But I guess I just think of the elderly aunt or grandma or person far away who during this COVID time would get such joy being part of the moment - as it happens.
All fine. Just hope the B and G also are as understanding of people who have to make the decision to not attend the ceremony (and I’m guessing if people aren’t going to the church - they are not going to the reception).
@powercropper, the impact of the hurricane will be felt most today where we live in the NYC suburbs. My concern for Saturday is just run-of-the-mill summer heat building to a late day shower or storm, but for now the evening looks clear. But, given the events of the months since the original 3/21 wedding was postponed, I’ve learned never to assume anything!
The zoom wedding, at least in my case and perhaps others as well, is because many cannot/will not attend b/c of covid. The couple are doing a small, family-only wedding and they hope to have a party/reception in a year or so. So many uncertainties these days.
We just declined a wedding invitation to a friend’s daughter’s wedding, partly because its scheduled on a jewish holiday (obviously they aren’t jewish) and partly b/c we simply aren’t comfortable attending a medium sized event where we will know very few attendees. The venue is sort of a pavilion (open on 2 sides) and they ordered imprinted masks, which will be “encouraged”, but still, too many things that made it uncomfortable.
@coconuts There is no right or wrong answer. Due to covid my D and FSIL will be having a micro-wedding (just immediate family) this month and then hopefully their rescheduled large party next summer. A number of friends/family have been asking me what to do in terms of gifts. There really are no “rules” for these covid-delayed parties but what I’ve been telling people is: 1) Do whatever you are comfortable with in terms of the gift – it is fine to send a gift this year or bring it to the party next year …but in any event just give them one gift and 2) if they decide to wait to give the gift at the big reception next year it would be nice if they acknowledge the wedding with even a card or note of congratulations. A couple of people have sent a small gift now and will bring the larger gift next year. So anything you do is fine but I would suggest somehow acknowledging the wedding in some way now.
And for your niece, I’d just send a gift of any amount you feel comfortable with.
Re devices: I have only used my phone at weddings as a way of warding off yucky embraces by holding it up and pretending to be filming something. 
S’s Plan B wedding is on 8/15 in another state. From our side of the family it will only be my H, D and I since none of the family lives anywhere close to them. The bride will have a bigger contingency since her family is all local. They set up a Facebook group for our family members and especially my H’s mom, S’s only living grandparent who is adored by my children, where the ceremony will be live-streamed. FDIL and son would much prefer having the phone/tripod set up or even an appointed person walking around with the video camera at the wedding so Mimi (and others) can be a part of it real-time from afar than to worry about any intrusiveness. At this point they are just thrilled to be getting married with any of us present! Mimi is planning to wear the dress she originally bought for the wedding and watch it with my H’s sister and family. They will make a party of it! The Facebook group page allows everyone who was “uninvited” to send messages to the bride and groom, and we can also post photos from the day for everyone to see. I have no idea what those folks will do about gifts, but we have no expectation on our end that our friends will send them something. Not sure if there will be a party here in our state at a later time or not.
@runnersmom, hope you are safe, have lots of family in Westchester and CT and many are without power and have trees and branches down.