It would probably be hard for your D to say no to her future MIL’s venue.
If friends/family are unable to attend the wedding, perhaps afterwards you can host a small, informal party close to home to celebrate their marriage? I have friends who have done this and it worked out nicely.
Doesn’t sound ideal but why would her friends and family not attend? Is it totally inaccessible? Too expensive to travel to? Just not people’s cup of tea? Does she not even have bridesmaids or good friends that say they will attend?
I should bite my tongue. I kept my phone stuffed in my purse (so nobody even saw it) but opened purse so I could record the ceremony (audio only of course). And I was the only one who got it. So for all my “sins” I turned into the hero (kids only had a photographer but no video that would have audio).
And yeah, I took some “illicit” photos afterward with my iphone. And I got admonished for it too (so sue me),
And then I was the hero once again because to get photos from the actual photographer was like six weeks out. To be fair I’ve actually photographed weddings before and just couldn’t stand to leave everything to chance. So I got “yelled at” for breaking rules and then later begged for photos.
Best thing I did was to record the toasts of both dads and the best man’s speech. Very memorable and would have been lost forever.
My reason for even for doing this and breaking “rules”–my MIL hid a tape recorder in the flowers (we were outside) when we got married a million years ago and then surprised us with the audio tape of our wedding. That was a real treasure.
It is in INdiana, near Rose Hulman so yes, the middle of nowhere. It will be expensive to attend (flights, cars to rent, hotels probably an hour from the venue). She’s never lived near there (except 3 months) and her friends are mostly from Colorado.
She’s been in 5 weddings, but many of those now have children and it won’t be easy for them to travel. He has no sisters and she has just one, so sister may be the only bridesmaid (which I think is just fine).
The MIL isn’t the problem, it’s the groom who wants to get married in Indiana. He wants his friends and family to attend. My daughter is very agreeable and will usually just go along with what the other person wants.
I will also have no say in her sister’s wedding which will likely be somewhere in Colorado. She has a million friends who will come from all over, and her BF has a million relatives who will also come from NJ. They will have trouble restricting the guest list. I won’t even get a Plus 1!
It could be surprising how many will still come to Indiana. Son got married last year, many friends and family attended from all over, with the travel and expense involved. Many of their friends and bridesmaids, groomsmen were already parents but still made arrangements and attended.
Having said that, I probably would draw the line at an invitation to an international wedding unless it was my own kid!
My daughter and her fiancé are getting married in the BVI.
Terre Haute is easier to get to but I certainly understand the reluctance to attend a wedding there.
I am pretty positive that my husband and I. Maybe our son and dil will be the only family members to attend. My dil might be expecting if the timetable is correct or have a new baby. Plus a toddler. The grandparents have already told my daughter that they couldn’t get to the BVI.
We have a small family but I don’t see my sibling or my husband’s sibling or any of their children will attend. I have one niece my daughter is very close to but there are medical issues that will probably preclude her attending.
Daughter and fiancé are planning another wedding in the states for all of those relatives to come that aren’t going to the BVI.
I just am not sure this is what my daughter wants but it’s the wedding she and her fiancé are planning. We will be going. I’m sure it will be beautiful.
There are certainly a lot of circumstances for people NOT to come but I’m hoping you might be pleasantly surprised! Colorado > Indiana is not too bad - only one time zone?! 
Heck young adults these days are traveling much father for just a bachelorette party!
Some will depend on the timing. I think September is out as her sister has two other weddings. My nephew also just got engaged and I’m thinking he’ll pick September or October (in Colorado). If people have to pick, they’ll pick his in Colorado which is not surprising as it is closer, would be cheaper, and his will be a BIG event (I want to go!).
I think my daughter expects everyone to drop everything and come, including her friends from her childhood who she hasn’t really spent much time with over the years (we’ve moved a lot) and that people won’t want to drop $1000 for flights and hotels to go to the hot spot of Brazil, IN. Would they travel an hour? Sure. Would they travel for a weekend? Unlikely.
It’ll be fine.
Brazil would be an easy drive from the Indianapolis airport. There are plenty of hotels in Terre Haute. Just avoid the timing of the Covered Bridge Festival because hotels can sell out then.
Didnt think about Brazil Indiana before but just looked it up and found that Jimmy Hoffa and Orville Redenbacher are from Brazil! If the couple is primarily paying (fairly common these days ), maybe they are trying to keep costs down? Hope it all works out and you can start feeling better about their choices.
My son and his wife did not marry in either parent’s city. They married at about an hour from the city they live in, so lots of people traveled for the wedding. Best to you!
Welp, first sign of wedding drama. DH’s niece and her husband checked into the hotel this afternoon—with their eight month old baby. Who was not invited. They RSVP’d for two but showed up with three. This is an adult wedding only. Invitation was for mom and dad only and they decided (had) to bring baby because of course they couldn’t attend without her. DH has the task of informing them tomorrow that they can bring the baby to the reception but not the ceremony. Three members of the wedding party have infants who are not attending, and two other family couples declined because they could not make alternate arrangements. Why this couple feels the rules don’t apply to them is baffling, but informing them that the baby may not attend the ceremony will be big drama in DH’s family. Last time something similar happened, in solidarity several of them just packed up and went home. It’s fine by me if they decide to do this but tomorrow is going to be nasty.
Sigh.
So sorry. Very upsetting that they did this. Is it too late to suggest they find a babysitter through the hotel?
Have a wonderful time at your son’s wedding!
Maybe some remote chance that they have somehow lined a sitter up? Or agreed between the couple themselves to take turns attending the ceremony and reception??
Sorry your H has to deal with this.
We had offered babysitting for the two children who we knew would be attending with their families. Both families declined and one kid ended up not coming. We had toys in the room where the bridesmaids and bride dressed, and the family was welcome to take turns watching their 2 year old…there. Not in the reception room.
Our wedding hotel also offered babysitting services.
People are just rude…and sometimes entitled. These folks should have known better! Sorry you have to deal with this.
I admit that I would not be likely to trust my kids with a hotel babysitting service - heck, we didn’t even trust our family that much, lol. BUT that would be our decision and that would mean we would miss the event - I couldn’t imagine showing up like that…I would feel like I was breaking the law!
It’s too bad they did not find a family way to deal with the baby.
Years ago we were back East for vacation and husband’s cousin’s wedding… staying at a family vacation condo. Our sister in-law had RSVP-declined and had intentions to stay at their condo with her baby. But she knew the couple much better. I offered to stay with my kids (too young to babysit - she was gonna watch them too) and watch the baby… ie an RSVP swap. She at first declined, had no dress to wear with her. So I lent her my dress and made her go. Who knew watching one baby would tire the three of us out so much? We took 30 minute shifts. And actually, it’s a fond memory now.
We had many small children at the wedding, which was a small (75 guests or so). Since we didn’t have formal her side/his side seating, everyone sat where they wanted but the church sanctuary was much bigger than we needed. We had offered to get on site sitters but the bride/groom wanted the kids in the room too.
Result was that the savvy parents sat in the very back, deployed themselves around the kids (all of them under 7) and let the babies crawl, toddlers read books — all really quietly. But when the bride and groom were announced and stepped out , the children were all standing on the pews, cheering with delight. A good memory, but of course ignoring requests to keep kids at home is a little rude. Hopefully grace will be extended and focus will stay on the happy occasion.
D1 sent her save the dates out this month for their May 2024 wedding and it says on the website no children. They wanted to get out save the dates in plenty of time so that people with children knew they would need to make babysitting arrangements.
We have family coming from Bermuda next year for the wedding and they will be bringing their 10 and 7 year old children and staying in town for a vacation after. We already have a couple people we know that are saving the date to help with babysitting.
D1 has a very close friend that just told her she is expecting next February and D1 has already said if anyone is nursing a baby they can certainly bring the baby.
The only child at my nephew’s wedding was the bride’s baby niece, whose mother was MOH. The wedding was outdoors at a venue with a mansion and several outdoor areas. Best I could tell, the baby was in the mansion during the ceremony and reception, not sure who was caring for her. I did see her with her father at the dance in the barn wearing ear protector headphones. (The baby, not the father.)
No disposable cameras. We grabbed seats in the second row and no one sat in front of us. Both husband and I discretely took some short iPhone videos, making sure screen was blocked from view behind us and not interfering with the photographer. (There was no videographer.) Subsequently I loaded the videos onto my YouTube channel and sent them to nephew and brother. Both were very grateful. Among other things, we got the exchange of rings and vows, breaking of the glass, and declaration of man and wife.
Husband and I were surprised that the photographer took no table pictures nor any posed pictures with, at least, our part of the family (only sibling of father of groom). So not sure if I’m even in any pictures. And after all that trouble to pick the right dress, not to mention my renovated eyelids!
No champagne towers. There were poured glasses of sparkling wine on the dinner tables but no one ever asked us to raise the glasses. Best Man and others gave speeches but not toasts.
Cake was a sheet cake, along with a dessert table.
Bride pinned/buttoned up her train for the dancing. With the outside venue, no carpet or anything except grass for the processional, and a breeze popping up from time to time, I’m not sure a train and long veil were the best choices.
Just a guestbook to write in; I don’t think I ever made it there although son said he signed. I’m still waiting for the thank you for the gift I sent months ago, so there!
Sustainable? Not really. Favors were a small scented artisan soap in a tiny burlap bag, which I know the bride stamped herself. Pretty sure she didn’t make the soap!
Nephew and bride planned and paid for the wedding themselves; I don’t think they used an official coordinator except apparently some wedding concierge in Saratoga Springs that helps couples make arrangements. So I guess it was kind of pick and choose with the traditional and religious aspects of the event. Everything went off beautifully.
A long time ago, my husband and I were invited to his cousin’s wedding.
Only my husband and I were invited. So doing the correct thing, we got an expensive for us at the time, babysitter for our kids. The wedding was out of town but this was my husband’s cousin who lived with his family for a time.
I was quite surprised when tons of kids were in attendance. Tons. I would have loved to have saved that money and brought the kids.
But since I am not one to question an invitation, I didn’t.
Kids, no kids. It’s all a minefield