2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads (Part 2)

Are bridal shower gifts suppose to be specific to the bride? In my experience that would be the exception to the rule. (I’m not super experienced though!)

I attended a bridal shower recently. I got a very nice custom made cutting/cheese board and paired it with a generous gift card to Whole Foods (so they could buy some nice wine and cheese).

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Thanks for all the invitation suggestions.
Next big task is finding a dress. Wedding will be late October so not a lot of time.
@thumper1 that sounds like a lovely shower gift.

Good luck with finding a dress! I thought I would not have to deal with that issue but now that things are in the works for May, I will need to start figuring things out . Look forward to seeing the suggestions you get.

The bride finding a dress is the challenge. I haven’t even begun to think about me.

My friend has 4 weddings this year, all children of a particular group of friends so she wanted one gift idea that could be used for all 4. She picked a charcuterie board with the names burned on and then a charcuterie cookbook. It looked very nice.

I was invited to a shower many years ago and was told it was a ‘kitchen’ shower. A different co-host had told everyone it was a bathroom themed shower. It was a mistake but a good thing as there were plenty of bathroom gifts and plenty of kitchen gifts.

Yes, I think showers originally were for the bride, not necessarily for the home (although a lot of overlap). Now? There are couples showers and garage showers and garden and yard showers which may have many more gifts for either the bride or groom. I’ve been invited to ‘bar’ showers where you are to bring liquor or barware like glasses or mixing tools.

You can do any theme you want or no theme at all. I always give towels and can make them fit any theme - bathroom, kitchen, bar, garage/shop, pool…

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@thumper1 - love the idea of a cutting/cheese board for a shower gift. Will look at some options today. Thanks!

They are all lovely ideas…but at the risk of sounding like a killjoy I’d suggest getting something off the registry. My D is celebrating her wedding later this summer and I know she and her H put a lot of time and effort into choosing things they like and really could use to put on their registry. Even something pedestrian sounding as the towels on their list would be so welcome. AND FWIW way back in the stone ages when I got married there was only ONE non-registry gift (out of many) that we got which I preferred to what we had on the registry (a gorgeous cake plate from Tiffanys – I never would have put something so pricey on my registry back then).

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The cutting/cheese boards are very nice. I saw one at my son’s house (married in 2018) and he said although they like it, they got four, and don’t really have use for four (and obviously can’t return).

I usually get something off the registry for the shower and cash for the wedding.

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Sounds like there isn’t much on the registry.

Well if you go off registry I suggest something that is easy to exchange, maybe purchase from the places where other stuff is registered. My D just received some very expensive crystal for a shower gift that she didn’t register for (and would love that (large) amt of money toward some more practical items). It can only be returned for store credit at a store with very few other options for things they want.

Although personally cheese board and gift card sounds fun.

Two more comments and I’ll stop:
– IMO a shower gift doesn’t need to be specific to the bride…it can be things she and the groom need/want as they make a home together.
–My D got an off registry cheese board and told me they wish their friends bought the one from the registry instead (which was smaller and easier to store).

I will say that after a year plus of covid that these are happy discussions to have!

Very good point about getting too many of the same thing OR stuff that you cannot return. I usually buy wedding gifts from the registry. But this couple does not have much on there - and the few things that are there have already been purchased. The only other options are cash contributions which I will be doing for the wedding.

As my daughter was living in London when she got married, they registered at a London department store. They only put a few things on it; everyday dishes and silverware, plus some other items. This was mostly for the groom’s side of the family as they lived in the UK, as well as the friends they had there. No registry in the US as they didn’t want to have to transport gifts back to the UK, not pay taxes on them! Instead they did one of the sites (honeyfund)where money could be gifted towards their honeymoon that they would not be taking until the next year. This was best for the US family and friends, although I got a lot of flack from some older relatives; they felt asking for money was tacky. Of course many of these same relatives would have sent a check anyway, so not much different!

I prefer to gift from a registry, unless I know the bride or groom exceptionally well and know of a gift that would be welcome by them.

I may be in the minority but the idea of a bridal shower that focuses on the bride or things for the bride makes no sense to me and is really sexist. Especially since often the items are focused on kitchen, bathroom, dining type items - it’s like saying the groom (or the other half of the couple in same sex marriages) isn’t involved in cooking, cleaning, home decor, etc

I say call it a wedding shower and if both of the couple can be there then great! Shower the couple with a good start - don’t put the focus on just one! Who know maybe the bride OR the groom would rather have a drill than a toaster!!

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My ME daughter is the one who would want the power tools and traditionally “male” gifts on a registry.

And so many men I know, my son and daughter’s boyfriend are great and enthusiastic cooks.

I think these gender specific roles are changing.

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I order from the registry. Second is cash, especially as the couple may be living in a small place and could be moving soon. If I chose a gift ( which I have done for family members), it is always from a local department store that I know they frequent like Bloomies. A note with a check, e.g., hope you use this towards your honeymoon, isappreciated,

Showers were originally sexist, to help the girl set up a home. My mother was 18 and really did need measuring spoons and bowls. Someone gave them an ironing board for their wedding and they were thrilled (still have it too). Maybe there is no need for showers at all now? They were not for big ticket items like Kitchenaid mixers and power tools. My friend is paying to help host one and she said it will cost her $400+ just for the food and decorations, then she’s expected to kick in for the group gift of not just a Kichenaid, but a PURPLE one (cost more). The wedding is Black Tie so there could be additional expenses for clothing, travel, hotel room, and then the wedding gift.

Bachelor parties to Vegas, Bechelorette parties to “The Islands”? Maybe we should go back to the sexist ways of giving a cookbook or some mixing bowls for the shower.

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Exactly my point! Sometimes “tradition” pigeon holes roles!

I met two college friends after not seeing them together since one of their weddings in 1973 (the three of us had each seen the other two…but all three of us together…no). The best picture of the day was with the wedding gal and us…and the wedding gift we gave her which she still has…the Joy of Cooking cookbook. Remember…we were college students so splitting this gift was even a stretch!

As additional info…the cutting board I gave the bride and groom was made in this town (where they both grew up) by a talented high school student. I thought it might be nice for them to have a piece of their little town as they now live far away. Plus, I gave them a generous gift card to Whole Foods…I don’t know anyone who would not use that!

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