<p>A lot of people are distraught over getting those thin envelopes in the mail, often strong students who felt they had a real shot at their top choices. The pain is undeniable. So I hope what follows can give a bit of perspective.</p>
<p>I've posted a version of this previously but I suspect the current round of people getting bad news probably wouldn't have had much interest in reading it a year or two ago. So, one more time...</p>
<p>For most people this is one of the only moments of judgement they have faced in their lives. Many teachers/schools promote self-esteem at the expense of honest but unpleasant feedback, and your parents think the world of you. If you've always taken for granted you were one of the best then it's hard to express how much it hurts to have some adcom say they like 2,000 other kids more than you. </p>
<p>How to handle all this? First off, while the adcoms are indeed making a choice about who they want and who they don't, keep in mind that they're not judging you as a person or delivering a definitive opinion on your future. They're simply expressing an opinion of what constitutes the best freshman class for their school based on scores, recs, essays, and grades they have at this point in time. Some they choose don't succeed, and plenty they don't choose could have given the chance. So in the first place this is not exactly the Last Judgement even if it momentarily feels like it!</p>
<p>It's not just the sting of rejection that brings pain, a part comes from thinking about what it all means. Many hear the loud clang of the door to that college slamming shut. But in reality doors have been opening and closing all along, you just weren't aware. When your parents chose to settle in city A that ruled out growing up in city B. If you spent all your time after school in gymnastics you probably aren't 1st violin in the orchestra. But college admission is a door nobody can miss; enrolling in college X it means you will never be a frosh at any of the other thousands of colleges in the country, and there is the haunting thought that maybe you have chosen (or only have offered) the wrong door.</p>
<p>Adding to the despair about the future is a belief absorbed by months of reading posts, posts by kids fixated on brand names because they have little idea how life really works. They seem to think that if they somehow get accepted to Harvard or Stanford or some other high-prestige school they will be on a golden path the rest of their life -- almost guaranteed. Just walk thru the door marked "best" and then after that everything falls into place. They sneer at those going to a top-20 or top-50 school, because it is so "obviously" inferior to a top-5 school. And those at a top 100 -- well, they can feel only pity for them.</p>
<p>Too many people never grasp that the college door is not the same as the success-in-life door, or even the absurdity of the door metaphor in the first place. College is a branch in the road, not a door to the future. Furthermore the notion that when roads split they can never converge again is just wrong. Given any goal there are multiple ways to reach it; some no doubt easier than others, but multiple paths nonetheless.</p>
<p>I don't dispute that you benefit from attending a prestigious college; there is a reason they have earned that prestige. But it is pure folly to think that the top schools have a monopoly on great instructors or interesting students, that a fancy college name on a diploma guarantees success, or that not attending the "best" dooms you to a life of mediocrity.</p>
<p>I would actually argue that in the long run what will serve you more than one crowning moment of glory at age 18 is an inner sense of resilience; a confidence that you can handle whatever twists and turns that life hands you. Sure its better to get into the school of your dreams, to land a great job, meet the perfect mate, etc. But in the real world there are rejection letters, scheming co-workers playing office politics, and divorces.</p>
<p>It is resilience that will get you thru the ups and downs that life is going to hand you, whether it be not making it "big" in college admissions or some other setback that is sure to show up someday. Yes, even the HYPS kids will face adversity in the future just as surely as you will, too. How they handle it will affect their lives more than the diploma gathering dust in the attic.</p>
<p>There are so many people in this world who have overcome incredible difficulties and made a success of their life; sometimes in monetary terms, but sometimes just in a sense of enjoying the brief time we all have on earth. Look at the people who suffer grievous accidents or illness and yet push on with little self-pity or complaint, the people in war-torn parts of the world who pick up the pieces and keep going after they lose everything they own, and on and on. Then explain to me again why life is so bleak if you only go to a college ranked 200th in the country instead of one in the top 20, or top 10, or top 5.</p>