<p>A lot of people are distraught over getting those thin envelopes in the mail, often those among the better students in their HS who felt they had a solid shot at their choices. The pain is real, and understandable. So I hope what follows can give a bit of perspective.</p>
<p>For most people this is the first moment of honest judgement they have ever faced in their lives and this is incredibly stressful. Your parents tell you that you are wonderful, and many teachers/schools promote self-esteem at the expense of honest feedback. Finally you have to lay your cards on the table when you apply to college, and you know the adcoms are not going admit people just to avoid hurting their feelings.</p>
<p>Coupled with that is the sense that for the first time doors are closing in your life. In reality doors have been opening and closing all along, you just didn't know it or couldn't change it. When your parents chose to live in Des Moines that foreclosed a chance at a life growing up in in a big city like Manhattan. If you spent all your time after school in gymnastics you probably aren't 1st violin in the orchestra, and so on. But college is a highly visible door; when you enroll in college X it means you will never have a chance to be an undergrad at any of the other thousands of colleges in the country, and there is the haunting thought that maybe you have chosen (or only have available) the wrong door.</p>
<p>But the despair you sense on boards like this is often fostered by the postings of ill-informed kids who are fixated on brand names because they have little or no idea how life really works. They seem to think that if they somehow get accepted to Harvard or Stanford or some other high-prestige school that their troubles will all be over, that they will be on a golden path the rest of their life -- guaranteed. Just walk thru the "best" door and then after that everything falls into place.</p>
<p>Too many people never grasp that the whole concept of a door creates a false dichotomy. College is a branch in the road, but the idea that when roads split they can never converge again is wrong. Given any goal there are multiple ways to reach it; some no doubt easier than others, but with multiple paths nonetheless.</p>
<p>I don't dispute that you can gain a lot from attending a prestigious college; there is a reason they have earned that prestige. But it is pure folly to think that a fancy college on a diploma guarantees success, or that not attending the "best" dooms you to a life of mediocrity.</p>
<p>I would actually argue that in the long run what will serve you more than one crowning moment of glory at age 18 is an inner sense of resilience; a confidence that you can handle whatever twists and turns that life hands you. Sure its better to get into the school of your dreams, to land a great job, meet the perfect mate, etc. But in the real world there are rejection letters, scheming co-workers playing office politics, and divorces.</p>
<p>It is resilience that will get you thru the ups and downs that life is going to hand you, whether it be not making it "big" in college admissions or some other setback that is sure to show up someday. Yes, even the HYPS kids will face adversity in the future just as surely as you will, too.</p>
<p>There are so many people in this world who have overcome incredible difficulties and made a success of their life; sometimes in monetary terms, but sometimes just in a sense of enjoying the brief stay we have on this planet. Look at the boat people in the US from Vietnam who started with literally the shirt on their back, the people in war-torn parts of the world rebuild after their lives are shattered, the people in New Orleans who are picking up and determidedly starting over, and on and on. Then explain to me again why life just isn't worth living if you only get into a school ranked 200th in the country instead of one in the top 20 (or top 10).</p>