A horrible decision, a horrible consequence; Help is needed

Parent Cafe
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<p>This is a rare instance where a nagging parent may have been helpful. Still, if you have depression or apathy, perhaps it's better that you didn't enroll in a tough academic university. Taking a gap year or CC are both good options; spend the time deciding some vague goals for yourself, as well as figuring out why you lacked motivation. If it is depression, you want to start addressing that before going back to school. </p>

<p>Good luck, and remember that you've already proven you can do good work in school. Thus, you may have a bumpy road getting back in top form but you have the potential to do so eventually.</p>

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<p>apush - You may not be able to appreciate this right now, but a lot of good will probably come out of this situation. First of all, you're obviously a very bright individual with much to offer the world. Secondly, you recognized that something "wasn't right" and succinctly communicated that. Thirdly, you asked for advice. These are all wonderful things, very mature things. Many very successful people have an episode similar to yours at one point of their life or another. They obviously got past it, and I'm very optimistic you will too. I believe that one day you will look back at this time in your life and come to understand that you became a stronger person because of it. Best of luck to you.</p>

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<p>And sometimes depression can be triggered by something so stressful, that our brain lets us avoid it. Perhaps you just weren't ready to make this decision at that time, and the lethargy was created by your brain to stop you from committing to something that wasn't right for you at the time. You say you are no longer depressed. It sounds as though this could be the situation. So, maybe subconsciously you wanted a gap year, or a break with a CC. (I am NOT a psychologist, but working with kids, I see a lot of things like this.) Accept where you are, and make goals that will get you to the place you want to be next year. It sounds as though you are ready now. Good luck! I know it will all work out for you.</p>

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<p>Apush, at the risk of making an unqualified diagnosis, this sounds very much like what I encountered in my life during my undergraduate years. My counselor called it "anxiety disorder with academic inhibition" and counselling psychologists see a lot of it in college students. It affected me most strongly during my senior college year -- a previously excellent student, I simply stopped working and studying and ended up leaving school for a year. I suspect you differ only in that you are encountering it in HS.</p>

<p>But I did see a counselor (through my university) and was able to overcome it, graduate, go on to graduate school, etc. For me there wasn't a single psychotherapeutic revelation that happened, but talking through multiple life issues helped. And there are specific behavioral steps a counselor can give you to practice that will help you overcome your procastination impulse in time. Moreover, as life goes on, you'll probably see this tendency recur in certain narrow segments of your life that you can manage with more self-knowlege and technique.</p>

<p>My advice:
- Find a counselor who is familiar with this issue and consult him/her. We all procrastinate, but when it becomes a problem that severely affects the course of your life its time to get help.
- Don't expect to find some deep reason why you did/are doing this through self-reflection. Even if you find it, it might not change anything. Focus on your behavior, not your reasons.
- Don't dwell on what you've done in the past. Focus on what you can do now.
- You might also want to get this book: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/020155089X%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/020155089X&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>Repeating my advice for the short-term bandaid, easily solved:</p>

<p>I recommend you call your regular family doctor on Monday, get an appointment ASAP. WHen they say, "wait 2 weeks," well fine just schedule that but also tell them you're available on a moment's notice to come in and fill any cancellation they develop (if you could do it, mostly) ; please put you on top of their "call" list for cancellations.</p>

<p>When you get there, tell your family doctor what's been going on and ask if he thinks you could be helped by a short-term prescrip for anti-depressive medication.
Keep in mind that some of these meds also take 2 weeks to begin to kick in and lift your mood. It should restore your emotional strength so you can deal with everything ELSE better.</p>

<p>You can also, while there, ask for a referral to a psychologist so you can work on the longer term issues over the summer, as Carolyn described, but I don't want you to wait for that longer process just to get some RELIEF from your current state of mind.</p>

<p>I feel, if you can quickly lift your mood enough to get through June and July better, you'll make better longterm decisions. I'm saying: see a psychologist, sure, but don't wait for that....it could be a whole month before you're first seen, and it's a longer process, although important, too.</p>

<p>I think you might need a "band-aid" (antidpressive meds) just to be able to get on to the next places you need to go, which might include a psychologist, admissions offices at other colleges in the coming year, w/e.</p>

<p>You do NOT sound demanding at all. As a matter of fact, to me you sounded:
sad
clear-thinking about what just happened
responsible
resolute
intelligent
humble/kind/sweet...it just is in there between the lines</p>

<p>YOU WILL BE OKAY.</p>

26

<p>You need a different therapist to uncover why you sabatoged yourself so dramatically. 'Depression' doesn't quite cover it, in my opinion, and I'd be surprised if you were completely over it.</p>

<p>Horatio Alger types--those catapaulting themselves into the nether reaches of success frm unlikely backgrounds---have a special dynamic to wrestle. You aren't the first one to sabatoge yourself--and you may have done yourself a favor by keeping yourself out of college while you wrestle this particular demon to the floor. What's worse than missing the start of freshman year? Blowing freshman year--or college.</p>

<p>I'd PM returningstudent for advice too. She's been there. Done that.</p>

<p>I suggest you take a Gap Year to examine and conquer your fears and establish some independence.</p>

<p>*FWIW The fear of success causes all kinds of funny psychological twists. Whenever I am attempting something quite daring, I start dreaming about missing airplanes. Night after night, I can't seem to get on the plane. The night before last, I couldn't get into the museum. Grrrrrr. </p>

<p>When I get to my goal, step by deliberate step, the frustration dreams disappear--until I attempt another more daring move.</p>

<p>I hate those dreams--but at least I've confined that blocking to the inconsequential part of my life--sleep.</p>

27

<p>paying3,
While it's true people often have to wait a long time to be seen by psychologists, I understand from my psyc. class profs. that there are ways to get in very quickly if need be (and no, I'm not talking about psychiatric commitment or anything like that).</p>

<p>OP,
Good luck! You sound intelligent and level-headed.</p>

28

<p>paying3tuitions,
Speaking from my own appointment calendar, most appts, especially a new patient appointment (which takes about an hour and a half, as opposed to an hour for an exisiting patient), may take a few weeks to schedule, but as you point out, people do cancel, and we can usually then get someone in sooner who is on a cancellation list, especially if they are flexible. In all fairness, this is retty good. I have to schedule my annual physical and ob/gyn appts 4 months or so in advance!</p>

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<p>I think you sound like a very capable, bright young adult....who was afraid of failing....so you procrastinated....and built a scenario where you couldn't succeed nor could you fail.....</p>

<p>You have the inate ability to be successful....you just need some guidance to get to the "yellow brick road"......ask for help.....from 1 source or many sources.....you should look at the thread that talks about top execs at top companies....where they all graduated from.....it will help you realize that
"NAME" brand isn't what matters....it is the ability to learn that matters... the ability to take advantage of what is available...YOU have done that at your HS... so have confidence in yourself...... ask for some help/guidance.... and definitely check the thread of schools with openings....I sent it to a girlfriend recently for her son who is not "thrilled" with his current option...... there are some great schools and some great changes of scenary available with the schools on that list......</p>

30

<p>Please, please, please do not take the advice that you go and basically ask a family doc for antidepressants! Psychiatrists, or preferably psychopharmacologists are the only ones who should be presribing and monitoring psychiatric medication! </p>

<p>Family docs are general practitioners, and very good at what they do, but issues of the brain and emotions are best left to the specialists, particularly if medication is involved.</p>

<p>Good luck. You sound like a smart kid, and I hope you figure this all out.</p>

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<p>apush - here is one thread that talks about kids from cc's transferring into a number of excellent schools: <a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=330241%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=330241&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>The process is quite similar to freshman applications in terms of what the application looks like. The timing is different - there is some variation, but many transfer applications are due in March.</p>

<p>If you decide to attend a cc and then transfer, feel free to PM me, or go to the Transfer Forum, for more information on the process.</p>

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<p>This is really not my field, but maybe this person should consider take a year off, maybe going to some kind of 13th grade of HS program and then make a fresh start on the application process in the fall and this time follow all the application deadlines. Also where are your parents and what is their involvement in this process?</p>

33

<p>Allmusic, I am really concerned. I gave the advice to contact a family dr. to ask about antidepressants b/c that's what I see happening all around me, in many families that's the route they take. You objected strongly that it should only be a psychiatrist or more specialized medical practitioner (you named it in your post above^^^) </p>

<p>The last thing I'd want to do is give irresponsible advice to a young person. Are family dr.s in error to prescribe like this? Because so many of them are doing so.</p>

<p>Others to chime in? If not, then stick with Allmusic's advice b/c it's more conservative than mine.</p>

34

<p>Thank you for all the replies. I never realized going to CC can turn out to be a great option. I guess I was shrouded by the myth that CC is where high school drop-outs end up in. I'm now strongly considering to take classes at the local community college during the summer, and see how the experience is like.</p>

<p>It's very hard to explain my parent's involvement in this situation. Long story short, I blatantly lied to them that I have applied to the colleges of my choice and even worse, I lied that I was accepted to some of them after April. My parents live in another state, so they wholeheartedly trusted my stories over the phone. It's been only a few weeks since I confessed about what had really happened. Yes, I dug a very deep rabbit hole for myself. I feel that I have a twisted mind or a psychological disorder for keeping a poker voice for months and months in front of my parents. I failed myself as a student, as a son, and as a moral human being. I can go on and on about how I destroyed the 18 years of trust and expectation, but that's not important right now. And I am not suffering from any emotional trauma at this stage (in fact I'm very mentally stable and have resumed working out everyday), so let's focus on the future and choose the best road :) I feel somewhat embarrassed for revealing personal problems, but all I can say is that the human mind is one interesting piece of work.</p>

<p>The good news however, is that my parents were quick to react to the situation and are focusing on the possible paths I can take after graduation, rather than contemplating on my misjudgment and apathy. I truly do appreciate them for this, and am determined to repay through getting back on track.</p>

<p>If I decide to take a gap year, here is my thought. I have a few of friends whose parents teach as professors at a local engineering college. I'm hoping that some of them or other professors will be willing to work as my mentors for an independent research project regarding mathematics. I've always wanted to compete in the Intel STS or the Siemens Westinghouse Competition. Although I'm no longer am eligible to compete (or can graduated seniors who aren't in college eligible?), I believe the research experience will be amazing and greatly beneficial. I also plan to become more independent and start working while volunteering at the hospital, if I take a gap year. Another option might be (if the financial burden isn't exceedingly vast) studying abroad in other countries. I'm uncertain how feasible all this may sound, and am aware that it is very optimistic. I still wish to enroll myself at an educational institution like CC. However, if I attend CC for a year, am I only eligible to apply as a transfer instead of a freshman applicant? And if I take a gap year, does this mean I'd have to apply for class of 2013?</p>

<p>I hope I can find a way to make the best use of this valuable time during young adult years. As much as I furiously regret the past, I'll try my best to make up for it. Again, thank you for all the input. Thank you.</p>

<p>ps. Sorry for the rather provocative title. I wrote it at the time to attract more attention. It seems to be misleading in that I need psychological help. I understand that all of you are only trying to help and I appreciate that. I do in fact plan to meet a counselor to clear out some thoughts. I think the simple fact that you're meeting one of them functions as a stepping stone to make fresh changes.</p>

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<p>Apush00, I really feel for you, and wish I could help more directily. I agree with those that are urging that you get counseling. The big reason is that this is not a problem that goes away and you continue along your way. It was not a bad decision or choice or move you made. It was a continuous thought/mood process, and it can happen again at other crucial times of your life and get you into even a bigger bind. The consequences of this are not so bad, but a recurrance at work or college or in a critical situation can truly get you into big trouble. So it is really important that you deal with this issue.</p>

<p>There are a number of schools that take late apps, and if you decide to transfer, your options will be good IF you do very well in the college and show that greater opportunities and challenges would benefit you and that you are ready for them. Your performance in college becomes a big factor in transfers, bigger than your highschool record. I know a young lady who transferred from Pitt (and she applied and got in late--in June for a number of reasons) to a highly selective top 10 college after a lack lustre senior second semester. </p>

<p>Unfortunately, mood and emotional disorders are very common during these late highschool/college years. SOmetimes they sort themselves out, but sometimes they do not, and they can wreak havoc on one's life during this time. Most colleges have counseling centers for these issues for that reason, and it is wise for kids who are having problems to get help, because these issues can be very serious. You are certainly not the exception in this regard. I hope you get some help, and that you are able to keep things under control with that help.</p>