A horrible decision, a horrible consequence; Help is needed

Parent Cafe
1

<p>This may turn out long, but I would really appreciate it if you can bare through.</p>

<p>I am a 18 y/o senior who is about to graduate.</p>

<p>I have always been motivated to study at a prestigious college throughout my high school career; that is, up until the application due date, January 1st. Prior to the college deadline, I have panicked and spent excessive amounts of time trying to perfect my college application, from the personal statement to the individual word choices that were used in describing extracurricular activities. I have to admit that I've also procrastinated to great lengths in completing the application, which was mainly the reason why I was unable to submit the application on time.</p>

<p>After missing the deadline, I tempted myself to fall for a horribly flawed logic: 'If colleges will accept an application that is one day in late, wouldn't they take an application that's late by two days?' And this mistaken logic, along with my chronic procrastination, continued for weeks, until I finally realized, oh my lord, what have I put myself into... Then a mild case of depression hit. I still had the chance to apply to colleges that had late deadlines (Feb 1st) such as University of Michigan or UW-Madison. However, those were schools that I for long considered as safety schools, which I wouldn't go to even if they offered admissions. It was very foolish thought and a very wrong decision.</p>

<p>And from February until May, I didn't have any evident goal to strive for, and lived out high school as a mere burnout. My interim GPA for the second semester came out be a number slightly over the value of Pi divided by two. I still don't and never will understand how I remained so ignorant and irrational for such a long period of time. I'm sure many of you won't either. Majority of the graduating student body plan to attend the local community college, and I suppose I was partially swayed to do that. (My high school is located in the rural areas and is not known for sending kids to good schools)</p>

<p>Graduation is now in less than a month. All my friends and their families are excited for the new life they'll experience in college. Teachers altogether recite how valuable and precious college would be to one's life. And I'm left nowhere to go, not knowing exactly what to do.</p>

<p>I have thought about some possible options that I have after graduation. I can attend a 2 year community college, then attempt to make a transfer to the colleges of my high school dreams (Northwestern, Duke and Penn). Or I'm thinking about taking a gap year, and reapply for admissions the year after. My senior year grades of second semester would evidently be a problem, but after speaking to my teachers about it, they were willing to work out the grades. I've read an excellent post by 'andison' of how her son dealt with taking a gap year. I am aware that my academic/personal qualifications are nowhere near that of her son and I am not optimistic in that I'll successfully get in. My short term goal for now is to bring up my grades as much as possible.</p>

<p>Here is a short summary of my credentials. I have a 2230 in the SATs and have taken over 10 AP classes, maintaining a 4.3 weight GPA (up until my first semester of 12th grade). I have been very passionate about two clubs, of which I've led the school team to state champions as the president. I guess you can view me as an average student in terms of CC standards. I apologize if I'm being so vague about my accomplishments for personal reasons, but I can PM you if you're curious about what I've done in HS.</p>

<p>I hope people wouldn't view me as someone who is obsessed with the college name value. I personally do not think that the quality of education that you receive at a state school and ivy leagues differ that greatly. However, I do believe that there exist many intangible factors to attending a prestigious college such as the competitive atmosphere, richness in the student body, way of thinking, pride and satisfaction, and other reasons. I don't wish to turn this thread into an argument of how beneficial an elite college may be.</p>

<p>Perhaps I should view this as something positive. Had I applied and gotten accepted to a college, I would've adhered to my chronic procrastination and miserably failed the first years of college since last minute study simply doesn't equate to an A at that level. I'm hoping to use this as an opportunity to make big changes, and I will and already am.</p>

<p>I really would like to give all those who've read this a big personal thank-you message. I really do thank you, and I would appreciate any and all contributions to this thread. Thanks again.</p>

<p>ps. I'm sorry for the double post in college admission and parent's forum. I just hope to gain more feedback and help from more people.</p>

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<p>I am not looking for emotional support (that is if I even deserve one) I want to hear what I can do to best resolve this problem and settle myself at a college, if possible. It's just extremely upsetting and depressing to think that all 4 years of hard work seems to go down in drains, although it really is entirely my fault for letting this happen. Every moment of in your late teens or your early 20s is indubitably precious. I hope I makes the most out of it. I am just angered that I've let myself down and all those who've supported me down. For now, I'm concentrating in bringing the grades up, and finish up strong in the remaining AP exams.</p>

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<p>Go talk to a counselor; sounds like classic depression. Get on a treatment plan and apply for January admissions.</p>

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<p>I think mominva's suggestion of seeing a counselor is a valid one - to see where you stand right now at this moment wrt possible depression. Work on that.</p>

<p>Once you do, you can look at your options. Gap year is a possibility. Doesn't seem quite the best one to me at this time. January admission maybe. Community college with a transfer after one or two years is a good possibility, I'm thinking. I spend a fair amount of time on the Transfer Forum here - there are many great results for cc students in transferring to great schools.</p>

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<p>In addition to seeking medical help about depression (just go to your M.D., you don't need a psychiatrist for this kind of thing...), what are you doing this summer? Can't you take lots of courses, summer and fall at the CC? This would give you more high grades to show when you apply for January admissions, if that's what you do.</p>

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<p>Community colleges rock - find the right one, and you'll end up in a place of massive diversity, engaged professors who truly want to teach, and a goal-based atmosphere (we all want to transfer. In a way, this helps us push each other towards the finishing line). Don't ditch the cc route simply for its lack of prestige and the stereotypes about the level of challenge you'll get. I can't speak for all cc's, but for mine, that's just not true. It's been a wonderful experience and I'm transferring to a great school.</p>

<p>PS. Depression is a cruel friend. I hope you get better, and wish you all the luck in taking your life back to amazing heights again.</p>

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<p>I've spoke with my counselor a number of times. Unfortunately, all the counselors in my school are more concerned about the credits that students need in order to graduate, rather than the life after high school. On top of that, each are responsible for more than 300 students. My counselor is a great person, but she doesn't seem to be very familiar with issues related to college. </p>

<p>and mominva, yes, this is a classic depression. I can't believe I became the perfect story for the classic examples in a psychology textbook and became apathetic about my surroundings during moods of depression. I am completely over with it now, and dearly wish to minimize the mess I've created for myself.</p>

<p>jmmom. I've read the transfer forums for the past few days, and there are a lot of successful stories. However, I wasn't able to find a precendent of a CC transfer. I'll search into it more, but are there any links to such example?</p>

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<p>I agree with all the advice so far. One thing I do not get is that you say you applied to U of Michigan and and U of Wisconsin and normally you thought of those schools as safeties. Well, did you get in? These are fine schools. Could one option be to attend one of these and if you are not happy there, transfer down the line to another college and also once you have gotten your grades on track to show you can do college work?</p>

<p>This is not instead of the suggestions to see a doctor about depression or the options of CC or a gap year.</p>

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<p>As you develop your plan (and btw, kudos for posting, it was a first step) think of a way to describe what you're doing next to others at school that you can say with some measure of pride. It'll help your self-esteem and make for a nicer graduation. You don't have to tell any friends etc. about how you blew it and now you're fixing it. You can say youi've DECIDED (important word there) to put in a little more time, close to home, to work on some courses and do some things with family, before you go away to college <em>forever.</em>
Whatever you say, just say it with some pride and pep. Remember that what happened in the very last term doesn't take away from a great h.s. run.
You'll recover here. You'll bounce back. Just get a "spin" explanation so the graduation isn't a bummer.</p>

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<p>apush, I'm from a cc and I'm transferring into Yale. </p>

<p>Like I said. Don't disregard cc just like that. In fact, I'm willing to bet your reasons for transferring will come off much more compelling to the adcom if from a community college than if from some already solid school. From a cc, we transfer wherever we think we might fit; people who transfer in from already ok schools are just doing it to heighten the prestige factor or get a second shot at the ivies. CC gives you more of a blank slate.</p>

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<p>I am aware that there is no set formula to gaining admissions, but I'm assuming that the transfer admission is different game to that of freshman admission. I'll research further into how transfers work, but it'd be great if you can write down some basic facts. </p>

<p>Sorry if I come across as arrogant or demanding. I hate to use this as an excuse, but English is my second language, and I was never very good at controlling the tone/voice of the paragraphs I write. I'm trying to be as sincere and respectful as I can be.</p>

<p>soozievt: I didn't apply to michigan nor wisconsin at the time, still thinking that 'these are schools I'd never go to.' Very ironic how this happened, isn't it? and I'm not under any emotional stress currently. I'm trying my best to find the best way out.</p>

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<p>soozie</p>

<p>I think he said he (or she) didn't actually apply to those Universities. I would add to above advice--don't be so hard on yourself--this is not the end of the world. There's a whole list of good schools still accepting apps. My nephew was admitted to Knox College with a merit scholarship on a late app and he's had a GREAT 3 years there--is now going to start a 3-2 engineering program . This school turned out to be a great fit for him. Nothing wrong with CC either. Get evaluated for depression and, if you want, look into the list of colleges still accepting apps. Nothing wrong with a gap year either. Don't beat yourself up over this. Things could be much worse. Who knows--you may end up at a place that is just right for you, as my nephew did.</p>

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<p>Your SAT scores & AP courses indicate you are a very smart person, so I have every confidence you will bounce back from this temporary setback. Some very good advice has been given. Don't be too hard on yourself and good luck!</p>

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<p>There is a link somewhere on cc of a list of schools that ar still taking applications (or go to the NACAC website). While these re not your top choice schools, many are decent schools, where you can start and transfer from. Of course I agree with the above posters that a CC is fine, and seeing someone to address the mood issue is important too. Good luck.
Ifi I find the link to the colleges still accepting applications,I'll post it. I'll bet someone is going to beat me to it.</p>

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<p>When you find yourself unable to move, the best thing to do sometimes is to just sit down and figure out why. </p>

<p>Although there are quite a few colleges that would still take a late application (<a href="http://www.nacacnet.org%5B/url%5D"&gt;www.nacacnet.org&lt;/a> - space availability survey), I suspect that even if Harvard called you tommorrow with an offer of admission, you'd still panic about accepting it.</p>

<p>Something ELSE is keeping you from moving forward, and figuring out what that is is the REAL opportunity you have for next year. There's no shame in stopping and reassessing and gathering yourself together. Some people just need to do that before they can focus on college. </p>

<p>So, my advice is similar to what others have already said: find a trained professional who can help you sort out the larger issues and help you figure out why you are placing so many roadblocks in front of yourself. We are not talking about talking to a guidance counselor per se, but perhaps a psychologist trained in helping people make life decisions. Your family doctor might be the place to start in terms of asking for a referral. Again, do not be ashamed about this -- you just need a bit of help to get over the hump.</p>

<p>While attending community college might be one way to go, I suspect that will only be putting a bandaid over what's really stopping you from moving forward. So, give yourself a break, take a deep breath, and find someone who can help you understand what is really going on to keep you from moving forward. Ultimately, that will be a much better course of action than trying to push yourself into doing something you are not really ready to tackle.</p>

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<p>And here's the link to the thread about schools still accepting applications, which jym626 mentioned in post #14:</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=341812%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=341812&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>All the best as you gather your energies and go for your next step.</p>

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<p>Of course you deserve emotional support! You're going through a very hard time. Don't be ashamed of asking for help. I agree with other posters who suggested that you see a therapist, and my thoughts are along the same lines as Carolyn.</p>

<p>By the way, when I saw the thread title, I was expecting something much worse. You did not make a "horrible" decision; you made what was probably the right decision given your emotional state. And the consequences will not be "horrible." You're right to focus on bringing your grades back to their previous level, and I'm glad that your teachers are going to help you. Then take the time you need to decide on the next step.</p>

<p>Best of luck, and please keep us posted on your progress.</p>

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<p>I'll PM you. I think a gap year is the way to go.</p>

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<p>Thanks, carolyn and mootie, for posting those links.</p>

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<p>I understand your pain. You are the victim of the crazy college admission system. When I was in high school, I did not have to worry about college admission until I finished 12th grade. I think US is one of a few countries in which kids have to think about college admission at the beginning of 9th grade or even earlier (kids applying for prep schools). I wish the system changed so that my kids would not suffer like you. But it's too late.</p>