Bay, I am saying that for the purposes of this study, what happened to you would not be counted or reported. The study counts forcible rapes using physical force or threats of violence, forcible attempted rapes using physical force or threats of violence, incapacitated rapes and incapacitated rape attempts. That is all. It does not count any other kind of sexual assault.
The survey says that 11.4% of the freshman women experienced one of those types of rapes in their freshman year. It has nothing to say about the kind of sex you experienced.
I’m going to guess that a fair number of men do this even during consensual sex:
So if a girlfriend says, no I’m not in the mood, and boyfriend says I’ll just be quick and holds her down, that becomes forcible rape according to the study. That it happened doesn’t automatically mean she wants him in jail.
I agree that the number is too many… but I wonder what the percentage of college women is that lose their car keys. Do we think that more women are raped than lose their car keys?
@“Cardinal Fang”, but for most people, there is a different amount of trauma between when a stranger with a knife threatens to kill you if you don’t let him do what he wants and when a BF disregards a “not at this time”.
But if a BF disregards your “not at this time” and instead restrains you physically and forces you to have sex that is STILL rape. It doesn’t matter if he is your BF or if you have had sex before. That is forcible rape. It may be less traumatic than being threatened with a knife or gun - I can’t make that judgement. I don’t understand the disconnect where people don’t see that as rape. That is very different than consensual unenthusiastic sex for the sake of the relationship.
It seems condescending to suggest that young women (or older women for that matter) can’t tell the difference. It also seems to be selling guys short to think that they don’t know the difference. When I tell DH that I’m just not that into it at the moment he rolls over and pouts he doesn’t continue on and force himself on me. If he did I would know very clearly that it was something different than “going along” with sex that I was less than enthusiastic about.
It is not clear to me, based on all we have read, including “Missoula” that forcible rape by someone the victim knows isn’t just as traumatic, if not more so, than stranger rape. There seems to no longer be any safe space when you can’t trust those you counted on to protect you.
Those women in “Missoula” were severely traumatized.
It’s my understanding some victims of non-rape, domestic abuse don’t want their abusers in jail either. The state sometimes overrules them.
Well these are some wild accusations being thrown at me by a high schooler who has never stepped foot on a college campus as a student.
I think rape exists, I’ve been sexually assaulted.
Eh, not really. I think the whole “it’s never the victim’s fault” thing is silly.
If I go to a bar, get drunk, and talk smack to a drunk guy I know is very angry and violent and he sucker punches me in the face, it is definitely partially my fault. Why can’t the rape victim ever face any blame?
I don't think drunk sex is rape
I don't think regret sex is rape
By the letter of the law I have been sexually assaulted twice since I’ve been to school. Once by a drunken gay male who wouldn’t stop grinding on me at a party, once by a drunken straight female who forced my hands into her privates while dancing at a party.
The first event was probably a little my fault for not physically forcing this guy to stop, but it wasn’t a big deal AT ALL my friends and I still laugh about it to this day. The second was definitely partially my fault. I danced with this girl for a while and kissed her and stuff, as I got more and more drunk she got more and more physical. Eventually she brought me to a corner and grabbed my hands and put them in places I did not want to put them. I was too drunk to pull away and she would scratch me with her nails every time I tried to release my hands. But again it wasn’t a big deal. We still laugh about the crazy girl.
So, I think it sometimes can be the victims fault. Because I was a “victim” and it was partially my fault.
As a victim of sexual assault I am offended by this! No, I’m just kidding. I don’t condone rape. I just think the statistics are overblown. I think they can be disproved, and I’m someone who has a lot of experience with large college parties and I think the 1 in 5 statistic is crazy.
So let’s stop attacking people’s personal lives and have a real discussion.
There is conduct at either end of the spectrum that is clearly one or the other. Consensual, or rape.
It is the conduct in the middle that causes the disagreement. This is the conduct that needs to be discussed, addressed intentionally and proactively, and on which both people need to reach a mutual understanding. Is a half-hearted “no” really a no? Agreement needs to be reached, because the consequences can be devastating.
In this study, 18.6% of freshman women at a large upstate NY public college said that, during their freshman year, they were forcibly raped, or raped while incapacitated, or someone tried to forcibly rape them or rape them while they were incapacitated. The study has nothing to say about any other type of sexual assault. Not fondling, not grinding, not reaching their hand into your pants, not being talked into sex when it wasn’t really very welcome, not any other type of sexual assault. Only rape and attempted rape. 18.6% of freshman women.
A half hearted no, is actually still a no.
Women should not need to prove that they resisted by bearing bruises and broken bones.
Maybe they were terrified that if they fought back and didn’t get away, they would be killed or wounded.