A Plebe parent's reflection

Colleges and Universities A-Z Naval Academy - Annapolis
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<p>As we parents reflect on this year for our midshipmen at USNA....I had an experience this weekend that certainly put things in perspective for me. I thought I would share it with my you all.</p>

<p>My husband and I once every few months plan a local motel ‘night away’ simply as a fun way to reconnect away from the ‘normal’ course of our lives. We live in San Diego County about 15 min. from Camp Pendleton.</p>

<p>Last Friday was the last day of the academic year for our midshipmen. As Plebe parents we, of course, were rejoicing with our daughter that she at long last – had completed her first academic year there at USNA. Many other parents of Youngsters through Firsties were all experiencing their own milestones as a result of last Friday.</p>

<p>As we were checking into our Oceanside, CA motel – I observe a family pull up. They are driving a huge pick-up truck, pulling on a flatbed trailer a black sporty car. I note that both vehicles have Texas plates and military stickers. The family looks in their early 40’s, what I think consists of a mom, dad and young 3-4 year old.</p>

<p>While we were waiting for check-in together I begin a casual conversation:</p>

<p>“So are you relocating?”</p>

<p>“No, we’re here because our daughter is coming home from Iraq tomorrow”, the mom replies.</p>

<p>“When did she leave?”</p>

<p>“Last August.”</p>

<p>At this point my heart is tugged with the realization that the entire school year which so consumed our family - adjusting to life as a Plebe parent – one which so overwhelmed me as a mother of our youngest child leaving at 17 ½ years of age to head 3000 miles away to Induct into the US Navy and start her live at USNA – That entire time here was a family dealing with a daughter in Iraq. I continue.</p>

<p>“Is that her car you’re towing out there?”</p>

<p>“Yes it is,” the mom says, “And this is her son – we’ve been caring for our grandchild while she has been deployed.”</p>

<p>I look at the T-shirt he is wearing. It shows a US map and an Iraq map with a pointed arrow stating: “My mommy is over there”. I have to bit my lip to not start crying – why I am not even sure – but my tears want to flow with joy, with wonder, with gratitude and with the understanding that here is an American mother with a daughter in the military that has just borne a much greater burden than I have for the past 8 months and I feel humbled by this reminder. I thought back over my mother’s hearts anxieties over Plebe Summer, the worries about how my daughter would handle her crazy schedules, the stress of Saturday morning trainings, the study, the night duty, the chow calls, chopping, come-arounds, classes, all the things that made her college experience so different from my other four. I remembered how everyone told us this year would be a roller coaster, as indeed it was. But suddenly, what I had until this moment thought was a real “E-ticket” ride for my roller-coaster year, stood for what it really was. Compared to what this family had been experiencing at exactly the same time, my roller coaster was a nursery school mock-up like one found at a grade school bazaar. </p>

<p>By now our check-in is complete and I thank them for their family, their daughter’s service. I tell them one abbreviated sentence about our connection to the military. I am unusually subdued. Hmmmm, usually I can’t wait to bring into my conversations that we are proud parents of a USNA Midshipman. This time, the total focus appropriately needs to be on this family and their achievements. I dare not step into that precious spotlight. </p>

<p>I went to our motel room thinking about this snapshot of America – that so often we don’t see. A little boy, a mother far away, grandparents – sadness, worry, waiting...and finally the joyful anticipation of an hours-away reunion.</p>

<p>The story didn’t end there as yesterday morning I got up before 7am to pad to the motel lobby for a hot cup of coffee. It was a typical April beach morning in Oceanside – foggy, dreary, chilly. I look across the parking lot and that black sports car is now off the back of the trailer. There is the father with a chamois, rags, polish, wax – lovingly polishing the chrome wheels on the tires of the car. I could tell he had been at this for awhile as the rear tire was already gleaming and he was working on the front one. Instead of the dusty car I saw yesterday, the paint sparkled, the windows even in the drizzle were crystal clear. He must have been up already for hours detailing this car. This was an act of love as only a father could do for the daughter he is clearly so proud of.</p>

<p>I almost felt like I was lurking on a very private moment – quietly walking past, observing this act. It touched my heart in a way no spoken words could have.</p>

<p>This time, tears flowed freely. Why? I’m still not sure – except to say that I could only imagine what his daughter would say when she saw not only her son, her parents, but her showroom-looking car. I can only imagine what that family reunion must have been like later in the day yesterday but clearly it would have been filled with joy.</p>

<p>As a mom of someone training to serve in our Armed Forces, this experience certainly helped put this year in perspective for me. I am grateful and proud to be a mom of a USNA midshipman – connected to you all in our wider USNA family.</p>

<p>God Bless America.</p>

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<p>Thank You .</p>

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<p>I must add my thanks to the USNA family as well.</p>

<p>Each and everytime I see a veteran of any war, deep feelings for them and their families stir within me.</p>

<p>Peskemom is an extraordinary lady in her own right as she pulled together some parent activities for us last year and has helped people on this site for quite awhile.</p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

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<p>peskemom,</p>

<p>I honestly hate it when my parents start telling people that I am at USNA. Honestly, what we are doing here is just being trained to become officers. There are Marines, sailors, airmen, soldiers, and coast guardsmen fighting abroad for our country and they deserve far more recognition than any of us do.</p>

<p>I personally can't wait to get out and be with these people.</p>

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<p>peskemom, do you ever read the usna parent's list serve? one of the moderators is my roommate's mother. she has three mids, classes of '05, '07 and '09. an incredible family, marked by incredible humility.</p>

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<p>Wheelah, not only do I know the family - the mom I call my 'yoda mamma' since I could not have made it this year without her. I have her home number and we've talked countless times. Last year she was on the GoNavy radio when her '09 kiddo was helping with Herndon. I'll never forget the excitement in her voice witnessing this live - and having it happen on live radio. And this '09 mid is also in Glee Club with my Plebe and have travelled together so yes, we know this family well - have sent cookies to the oldest deployed too by the way!</p>

<p>Thanks for asking. So aren't you heading to your Second-Class year? I think I have that straight. </p>

<p>God bless you sweetheart for your ongoing dedication to serve our great country!</p>

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<p>I understand jadler, but you need to lend your parents much dispensation on this. This is not only about you, I assure you. They merit your generous allowance. You oughta be doggone proud that they are.</p>

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<p>Whistle Pig,</p>

<p>Sorry, I was not clear. I don't tell my parents not to mention that I go to USNA. I just want to make sure that they do not over do the bragging. Thus, I have talked to them about this before, so we are on the same page.</p>

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<p>I have been a lurker on this forum for about 2 years now and finally decided to get in the game. </p>

<p>It always bothered me when I got the "congratulations" for my son's appointment to USNA. Really, what did I do that every other parent did not do for their child, no matter where that child ends up be it at an Service Academy, Ivy or State U? He studied hard, he chose the courses to take in school, he chose the sports to participate in, he chose to work hard and excel in those sports, he chose his volunteer projects, he chose his EC's, he filled in the applications, he went on the interviews...the list goes on and on. What did his parents do...provided a roof over his head with food, a quite place to study, transportation to get to where he wanted to be, and an unconditional loving family where he could just be himself with no pressures and no preconceived expectations. Really did not take much effort on our part. I will never take credit for who he is or what he will become. He gets 100% of the credit. Yes I am proud of him, no doubt about it. Do I brag about him? Not on your life. He would not find that very complimentary.</p>

<p>Just like jadler, he does not like a big to-do made of being at USNA. He finds modesty much more valiant. He did not want any special recognition at senior awards. He is at USNA because he wants to be there and not at another institution. Until he finds himself in harms way, he does not believe he is doing anything different than his other college friends. There are many others serving our nation, be it in a civilian or military capacity. Today, they deserve our recognition and thanks. In his opinion being a midshipman just doesn't get it yet. I have followed my son's lead on this subject.</p>

<p>Jadler03...my Mid and I echo's your sentiment. Congratulations on your coming commissioning. Enjoy the next few weeks, especially the friends that you have made as you all part for the next phase of life. I have enjoyed your insightfulness over the past year.</p>

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<p>Jadler.
I was at a restaurant over the weekend with about five other mids and my son.
A lady stopped and thanked them for all that they do. The mids were very gracious and said the expected "your welcome" back.
After the lady walked off, they made similar comments about "not having done anything", etc.</p>

<p>I reminded them, however, that to the little old lady, THEY were the U.S. Navy. Few people these days get to see military personnel in uniform. In particular, it is rare to see Navy whites. So . . . if it s gives a little ol' lady pleasure to congratulate some white uniforms--I don't think the average person recognizes the mids to be other than in the Navy--then take it as thanks to military members in general. The average person is not thanking YOU in any particular way. [As an example, I mentioned to a lady at the airport that I was awaiting aflight form Annapolis. She asked: "Is that where Point West is?" I said "yes." She said, well thank the soldires for me.] I believe people who make a fuss over mids/cadets are simly thanking all of those who serve. </p>

<p>You have been a reasoned voice over the past two years, usually making sense and offering common-sense advice. I don't remember, do you graduate this year? If so, good luck. </p>

<p>NT.<br>
While you are correct that our children have taken the basics of what we provide, many children do not even get that minimum amount of support from their parents. Each family does what they can but I disagree that children are a product, 100%, of their own initiative.
Without parental support, expressed in many different ways and over many years, not very many--some, but not very many--children get into college or Academies.
So, while I'm not the one there, I will accept "congratulations" and some credit for what he is or becomes; good or bad.</p>

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<p>"What did his parents do...provided a roof over his head with food, a quiet place to study, transportation to get to where he wanted to be, and an unconditional loving family where he could just be himself with no pressures and no preconceived expectations. Really did not take much effort on our part. "</p>

<p>I think you are too modest! That is a HUGE thing you did! I see so many "parents" that just don't "have time" for those things. If your mid wants you to keep a low profile about his appointment, that's cool, but don't denigrate your contribution.</p>

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<p>Bill0510---I have said the same exact words to my Plebe. I told her that she is the living, breathing face for the US military out in pubic. Instead of being bothered by people staring at her uniform, or giving her special treatment - or even thanking her ( FOR WHAT?! BREATHING she once replied) - I remind her that it's her as a symbol much more than her as individual.</p>

<p>In today's American society ONLY 1 percent. ONLY ONE PERCENT of our country is military. So when someone sees one of our mids in a uniform they are a very public face for the others in that very tiny slice of Americans in uniform. If anything these poor mids carry a great burden since the general public isn't seeing the armed military - they are only seeing these basically college-kids military and the embarassment the mids feel about the accolades that aren't really 'theirs' by comparison to their 'real' Active Duty brethren is something they just have to bear. And for the most part they all do, graciously and properly. I have never seen a midshipmen in uniform behave in other than a professional manner, God bless them.</p>

<p>I honestly don't think I convinced my Plebe to change her basic dislike of people thinking she is somehow 'special' or 'wonderful' as an 18 year old kid in a cute, showy uniform. But I do think I helped give her some perspective as you have to your kiddo, Bill - so thanks.</p>

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<p>I believe parents have earned the "being proud" button...</p>

<p>but I also believe that humility goes a long way in making a great leader....
and that goes for parents and mids both....</p>

<p>this is a long journey.... plebe year is just the start...
congrats to all that make it through.... and fair winds and following seas for the next part of the journey!</p>

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<p>I think if someone wanted praise and thanks from civilians, they would not make it to the USNA. </p>

<p>Some leaders may thrive off of praise and may be arrogant, but great leaders, in my opinion, are humble.</p>

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<p>Bill,</p>

<p>Exactly....when someone comes up to me in uniform and offers their thanks and support, I glady accept it and say "thank you," knowing I represent the U.S. military.</p>

<p>I will graduate next year (2008).</p>