It’s pretty hard to get excited about 10 or 13 schools. If you apply to that many, and get rejected by your top three or four, whatever is left isn’t going to look very appealing. With time and perspective, that may change. Or not. It’s a pretty natural emotion and response to this tumultuous process I would think.
I completely agree with you. I didn’t apply to any schools I wouldn’t be happy going to because I didn’t want March 10th to come and I only get accepted to the school I hate. It would feel like I was settling for less. I also wasn’t going to pay an application fee to a school I had no interest in going to because that would be a waste of my money and time if I filled out an application.
I also understand why some people might do that though. It could be because their current school situation is so bad that quite frankly any boarding school would be better. It could also be because maybe originally they didn’t have a favorite school but throughout the process they developed a favorite and became very attached to it but then they were rejected. It may not be that they don’t want to go to the other schools, it’s more that they had their sights set on that one school and they just see all other schools as not the school they want to go to now.
How do you define “best”? Quality of teaching? Size of endowment? Shininess of new buildings? Fame/prestige?
My son came to dislike one school after applying due to the coaches lack of email responses and followup. Athletics is very important to him. He met with coaches during the interview process and one asked for films. My son spent many hours gathering and editing a highlight film, sent it to the coach and never even received an acknowledgement. Later he received a mass email from the assistant coach of that sport where they failed to bcc the applicant’s emails. He responded to that email (as they requested) and again never received any acknowledgement.
All of his other schools responded to his emails - at least with acknowledgements. He was waitlisted at the above school and quickly declined. I get that they may not have “liked” my son or particularly wanted him on the team but IMHO there is no excuse for ignoring him - particularly after asking for followup.
I applied to nine schools, and spent over two months collecting data and learning about every individual school. In the end: yes, there are one or two schools on my list that I’d need to rethink before attending, but I still believe that they’re all good fits. Also, a huge part of decision process occurs when you visit the schools: I never did. Now, I’ll be visiting six schools for the first time over spring break and I have no idea what to expect. In summary, I tried really hard to cast a wide net while also having my “net” fit certain criteria important to me. I’m really interested to see if my feelings change during revisits…
Trying to catch up after a short vacation. Will chime in soon. Thanks everyone for your input.
FWIW, I do understand how a specific school (or even two) can drop off a list even after application (but before revisit) but to consider the rest of an applied-to list to be not good is just strange to me.
In some cases parents may have something to do with it. I think there were cases in my son’s 8th grade class where parents got nervous in the winter, or got a recommendation from a friend as to a particular school, and had their kids apply to more schools “just in case” and/or because it’s fairly easy to do using the SAO. The kids may not have been fully on board. In retrospect, and seeing how emotional the situation was on M10, I’m glad we didn’t do that. My son’s #3 and #4 choices looked very enticing when he was getting calls and emails last Friday, though after the dust settled, he became very clear about his choice, his original #1. I’m glad we didn’t confuse things further.
@CTMom21 I totally agree with you on the topic of parents having something to do with it. Luckily, my parents are the type where they don’t want me to go somewhere if I say that I don’t want to. They did get some recommendations from people who are involved in the BS community.
A few people have pointed to something that I think is so key: while you can have a first choice (honestly, tough not to I think it’s human nature to rank things)…it’s sort of essential to be able to see yourself as happy at any of schools you applied to. You have a choice in the schools you apply to, so why not make them all ones you could be happy with? I mean, if you know before you apply that you wouldn’t be happy at School Y, then why spend the time/money to apply? I get that the portals make it easier now than in then past to add schools…but there are generally specific essays/short answer questions for each school that still have to get done. I mean I understand the “go big or stay home” crowd more than I do the “I don’t really want to go to any of the schools I got into” set.
The “wide net” thing has to be framed correctly. When I speak about it (and I’m hardly the first to use the term…just was the person banging that particular drum the loudest for a time), I don’t mean apply to 15 schools, including some you’d never go to even if you got in. I mean pick some schools that aren’t the MOST selective that you could be happy with. If you don’t think you could be happy at a school that isn’t Exeter or Andover (arguably the two most “famous”/“prestigious” schools,) then frankly, you don’t know too much about boarding schools — or for that matter, prestige. A funny and true semi-related story…when I was was in college, at some dress-up event, an acquaintance asked me what kind of tie I was wearing, even going so far as to flip my tie around and look at the keeper (where many companies put the brand name). And he didn’t see a name (just an embroidered horse drawn carriage), and so he assumed it was some no-name thing. I don’t even have to mention the brand for some of you to know how wrong he was…
Another BS parent who is no longer active on the forum had great advice for me (and may others) years ago: Love the school that loves you. He even encouraged people NOT to fall in love until M10. Great advice then, and now.
@SevenDad I think kids are exaggerating their feelings about schools that are not their top or second choice. Unless they have never visited or were “forced” to apply, they should be at least reasonably happy if they eventually end up at one of the schools they applied that are not their top choices. In other words, dont take their words too seriously. As for “prestige”, there’s nothing more than that that is in the eyes of beholders. So I don’t know if you can judge people’s sense of prestige.
“they should be at least reasonably happy if they eventually end up at one of the schools”
KEY WORD: “should”
@SevenDad your are not only wise , but also have great taste!! Oh how I love those labels with the horse drawn carriage!! That’s like when GolfDaddy wears his green golf blazer with the little pine tree on it-- love it when people ask if it’s from a prep school ;)!!!
@Golfgr8: Exactly. I think I may have used [REDACTED] in another rant years ago…like “Everyone knows Augusta and Pebble, but how many know [REDACTED]?”
Now that’s a cocktail party!!
Help those not in the know…which designers are these? LOL
I looked up the horse and carriage logo, there are actually 2 brands represented by horse and carriage. But in this case I’m assuming it’s the French brand known for its signature Birkin bag and brightly printed silk accessories. As for the blazer my guess is its from a private, highly ranked golf club in New Jersey.
Sorry to have slightly derailed the thread. In the interest of saving people googling time…the tie brand was Hermès (note the accent grave, not aigu…my mother happens to be a big fan of the brand and made sure each of her sons had at least one in their closet for their college years) and the club is Pine Valley (right, Golfgr8?).
My point in sharing the tie story is that what some people consider lacking prestige sometimes says more about the person’s knowledge/familiarity with things than it does about the brand in question. People who know, know what an Hermès tie is…and people who know exclusive golf clubs know Pine Valley.
I want to hear more stories about your Mom, @SevenDad !
@SevenDad just as what some people perceive as holding prestige says more about the person than the brand.
You should not be able to discern your life’s path from a 40-minute tour. Opinions change, and a kid who hated the school in the summer may love it come January.