<p>I think this is especially true if a student attends an ‘in-state’ private college - which, if I had my way, our son would do over attending one of the bigger state schools. I attended the big State U and it can be rather impersonal. I didn’t know many people there, was an older student and didn’t live in the dorms, so I never felt I had the ‘full’ college life experience.</p>
<p>Although I did have multiple job offers - one from nearly every big firm in my field, so I don’t think the big State U really hurt me in that area. But I didn’t end up with a lot of contacts. OTOH, my husband was born and raised here, also attended the same State U and has many, many contacts from the school and in his career field and in our town. As a small business owner, that’s really important and has been very beneficial to his career. I think it really depends on your career objective.</p>
<p>As for sending son to a private college across the country (and he has several of those on his list) I’m not sure it will benefit him much in the way of contacts if he chooses to come back to our state to live. Although, it can surely benefit him in other ways. Again, some of that depends upon his particular career field. Unfortunately, he has no idea, at this point, what he wants to do.</p>
<p>As for the private vs. public debate, the longer I am here at CC, the less black and white it seems to me. I use to think ‘public U, no way’ but I’m beginning see it’s not that easy. Thanks to my friends at CC, I now think in new and different ways!</p>
<p>I can see many people here have very strong feelings about the private vs. public issue. Am I the only one who sees it in shades of gray?</p>
<p>I think part of sending a child to a top private college is dealing with the fact that with the opportunities they will be exposed to, chances of them coming home are slim unless you live in NYC, London, Silicon Valley, Hong Kong, Beijing or a few other places. They will become global thinkers–that’s another of the advantages over a state school, they will be educated with kids from all over the world and exposed to global opportunities to a far greater extent.</p>
<p>The pattern I saw with many of my classmates is that later in their careers many (like me) chose to ‘go home’, but most headed to markets that were leading edge to start and solidify their careers.</p>
<p>Contacts have no boundaries. My husband is starting a new position with an international company and is travelling to Tx (Houston) to inprocess (we are in Atlanta). I just emailed a friend in Houston who it just so happens is friends there with an old college friend of mine (we went to college in the NE) who works for this same company my H will be starting with. I also attended an alumnae function last week (of my undergrad LAC). The contacts and networking available are great resources. People move around, but the shared connectivity with our LAC is a powerful bond, even 35 years later.</p>
<p>^I hear what you are saying about contacts but Houston and Atlanta are very big cities. If you live in a much smaller town, it is less likely that there will be a lot of alumni nearby.</p>
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<p>Right. Once you sent your child across the country to go to school, the chances of them coming back are much slimmer. I always thought I wanted that for my son. I grew up in Washington, DC and now live in the South. I’ve always wanted him to be exposed to a much broader set of opinions and thinking than you get here in the South (the South, bless its heart, is in it’s own little bubble, completely separate from the rest of the country ).</p>
<p>However, now that’s it’s time for him to decide, I’m starting to selfishly think I would like him to come back here after school. Yikes, did I just admit that out loud?</p>
<p>^ nothing wrong with that…I strongly believe the decay in our society is in large part because of the family unit being broken up geographically. We have lost a sense of community in part because so many of our relatives are spread across the country.</p>
<p>^^Bless you, Geeps20! I think you’re right. I feel better already, I was feeling rather selfish. My own family of origin is spread out all over the country and I was explaining to son recently how much I have come to regret that. Families can be a pain in the rear but it’s rather sad to think that kids often only see their grandparents once a year or so and grandparents miss out on so much of their grandchildren’s lives. We have been fortunate that my husband’s parents live nearby and often attend son’s football games and other school events. I believe it has given son something special that he would have otherwise missed out on.</p>
<p>momlive…I agree totally. I’m fortunate to have my kids grandparents live locally. Those experiences are invaluable. Same goes for uncles and aunts…a strong family connection helps overcome a lot of life’s problems. It all comes down to happiness…too many, IMO believe $$ brings happiness…I have learned that is just not true. It saddens me how many miss out on their kids lives because of work…you never get it back…ever.</p>
<p>"Funny, substitute “NYC area” for “South” in this statement and that’s how I feel, too! "</p>
<p>I am from New York, raised my kids in California, and want to substitute “California” for the “South”. I actually wanted my D to spend her college years in the “South”, although her school is in it’s own little bubble.</p>
<p>I think we all feel this way but have to adopt strategies. We move to be near them, or we create a vacation paradise they and grandchildren can’t resist! With all the money we’ll have from not paying tuition we’ll rent villas in Italy and Provence and the family will come.</p>
<p>Bottom line, we also all want them to live their dreams and achieve their ambitions. It’s a whole new global world out there, chances are many will not live in one place for long as their careers grow.</p>
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<p>I believe for the bright young people we’ve raised in this generation, happiness will be about using their skills to live exciting lives and achieve their ambitions. That might mean working for the Red Cross and being on site in Haiti and other devastations. It might mean teaching in an inner City in Detroit or running a green non profit. A would be novelist needs to see the world. Not living in the place you grew up in often does not relate to chasing money. </p>
<p>Expanding young minds in today’s world will make it hard to live in Peoria no matter what they want to do in many cases.</p>
<p>Yup- a very mobile society. Having grown up in NY and now living in the south, while there are certainly regional differences, I think the connections with classmates and schoolmates has been important. Agree, though, that the fear of the kids not returning home is very real.</p>
<p>I feel the same about having my kids–who have lived in the same house all their lives–get a taste of living elsewhere!</p>
<p>Zmom–tone is somewhat difficult to express. I assure you that IRL I wasn’t “challenging” when I was posting, merely thinking out loud. Of course, people are free to spend their money as they see fit!!</p>
<p>Geeps–actually the vast majority of the people in this country live within a short distance of where they grew up. The generation that had the most dislocation was over 100 years ago with all the immigrants coming in through Ellis Island. THOSE were the years where people didn’t live near extended family. Not today.</p>
<p>I agree with this philosophy completely. If someone helps me today, I may never get a chance to repay the debt to that particular person, but I will help someone else when I can.</p>
<p>On opportunities arising from out-of-state colleges, I’ll note that I’ve discovered over the years that many of the people with the most satisfying careers here in town went to one of those out-of-state elite colleges for their undergraduate studies. There is still economic value in going away to college even for students who are 100 percent committed to returning to their home town. </p>
<p>Moreover, there is personal growth value in going away to live independently. I didn’t get that until I lived overseas after graduating from the local state flagship where I commuted to school for my undergraduate degree. Based on that experience, I have urged my son to keep applications to other colleges open, even though the state flagship was the first college to admit him and a college that is strong in his intended fields of study and a college known to offer “merit” scholarships (as it has to him). My advice to him is to compare ALL of the admission offers in April and then decide where to enroll. Going to another state is a growth opportunity, one that I hope he will take.</p>
<p>We live in the NY metro area and my D studied abroad and now lives in Atlanta. Her response is, “Why?” Talk about provincial, she can’t wait to get back to NYC and swears she’ll spend her whole life her. Will leave bf in Atlanta if necessary. Is only applying to NYC law schools.</p>
<p>I am delighted to have her back, but I want to retire in CA, and I know she’d never forgive me. So…I am captive of NY.</p>
<p>Oh well, there are worse things.</p>
<p>Now I am keeping fingers crossed that S settles in some kind of day trip distance from her. Six hours away is okay. </p>
<p>But I would definitely support him in going anywhere as long as it’s on planet earth. I’m not ready for the moon or planetary colonization just yet.</p>
<p>DS and DH were watching HGTV (horrors!), and the international house hunting show was on. DS said, “cool, I could be an engineer in Tokyo.” He is just a HS senior accepted in engineering schools, but we will keep encouraging him to do whatever he wants. I didn’t think HGTV would be an influence, though!</p>
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