<p>Singersmom, Lack of structure and lack of concentration are definitely my nephew's problem. My question is if he really has ADD, will maturity change or cure that?</p>
<p>If he really has ADD, if he chooses to do things such as graduate from college or enter certain professions, he'll learn ways of compensating for his ADD.</p>
<p>There are plenty of people with ADD. Some, like me are Ivy grads. I even know at least one doctor who has ADD (and is on meds for it). He has something like 3 secretaries because he loves his work and he needs 3 secretaries to keep up with him.</p>
<p>One of the doctors who writes for Prevention magazine is a Harvard grad who has ADD. He also has written some books about ADD.</p>
<p>There are fields for which ADD can be a plus. These include some professional fields in which being able to handle emergencies very well is a big asset.</p>
<p>Clearly, your nephew is bright enough to go to college since he got accepted to one. The question is whether he's interested enough in college and self disciplined enough to do the coursework.</p>
<p>I also wonder about substance abuse. To my knowledge, my older S didn't use drugs or alcohol when he was in h.s. He didn't even socialize -- by his own choice. He totally refused to take his ADHD meds. I ended up having to throw out his unused meds.,</p>
<p>In college, though, he fell in with an older crowd who thought S was cool because S was extremely good at an academically-related EC that they were involved in. That's when S started partying. I didn't learn about that until a couple of years later when I accidentally found S's blog on which he was reporting his partying habits.</p>
<p>So, you never know.</p>
<p>One thing about ADD: People with it are more likely than are people without ADD/ADHD to become hooked or drug/alcohol abusers if they start using drugs or alcohol. </p>
<p>Also, it's possible that students who are socially immature or generally unhappy may be more tempted than are others to use drugs/alcohol as a way of trying to fit in.</p>
<p>There are some really good books on ADD/ADHD. This is one by the doctor who writes for Prevention magazine: "Driven To Distraction : Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood Through Adulthood
by Edward M. Hallowell (Author)</p>
<p>Northstarmom, thanks for suggesting the book, I will check it out. To my knowledge, I don't think substance abuse is an issue. He doesn't socializing a lot, though he did get along with his roommate very well. To my delight, his roommate was a very good, mature young man. They actually choose to room together for 1.5 years.</p>
<p>I am another parent of a child who was dismissed from school for academic reasons. For me it is a daughter and it has been a very difficult situation. I think NorthStarMom has hit it on the head with what to do-- which for the parent is nothing-- except hold them accountable for some rules at home. I do not think the op should get involved and try to work this out for the student. If it is immaturity then he will need to mature and work it out himself. If it is LD or ADD then again he will need to be motivated enough to figure out how to overcome those obstacles. NSM is very right about the need for him to become disciplined.</p>
<p>Busyparent, I completely agree that my nephew is the one who should be disciplined, who should be the one motivated enough to figure out how to solve the problems he is facing. Sorry about your d, I know how hard it is for us parent to watch them fall. I guess however hard it is, they have to learn to stand up again by themselves.</p>
<p>This thread brings up memories of family stories. One uncle was suspended from college. Grandmother got him a job stirring the tar pot on a road paving crew. One summer of that (in Texas) and he valued his college path a great deal more. Another young male cousin was being . . . well, a turd and my grandfather marched him downtown and said "Your choices are Army, Navy or Marines" -- and enrolled the kid on the spot.<br>
The cousin chose the Navy and later said that Grandfather had probably saved his life because he had been going nowhere fast.</p>
<p>I'm not sure I'd pick the military in today's environment, but there is something to be said for moving from "failure" to "useful". Coast Guard? A para educator for the disabled? Volunteer firefighter? Where can this young man give back to the community? Being an asset somewhere might help a lot with focus and the depression he's probably feeling. . .</p>