TM–I really don’t care if you don’t “believe” in it. It costs me nothing to moderate my language because it might bother someone else. At the same time, I’m not going to take on their standards as my own. I don’t believe they are “better” standards; they’re just different. Again, I see that as good manners, not capitulation. You want to enforce an extreme black and white worldview and I just don’t have that in most cases. Language that is aimed to hurt, or that might reasonably be seen to do so, is different. I never aim language AT a person (again, politicians excepted 
). But that is a different case.
^^This is the ideal I was raised with in the south, and the ideal my siblings mostly taught their own children. As long as you live in a community where there is a common consensus those rules work just fine. When you leave that community, you have to adjust or risk being rude. imho. My example up-thread was “ma’am” and “sir” I don’t think it is reasonable to expect individuals raised in a different cultural consensus to adjust to the rules of my childhood.
Even within my southern childhood bubble, there was code switching. I’m now thinking about men and boys on hunting and fishing trips. I like to think my male relatives didn’t use vulgar language in that setting, but it is probably just wishful thinking on my part. The ideal would be they never used that language. Another ideal was that there was no beer in the cooler on that boat. And I know that wasn’t true, because my brothers now tell a whole of jokes around that subject. But, for sure, they never used vulgar language around women or children. How I feel about that, at this point in time, is pretty complicated, to say the least.
edit: crossposted with garland
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
I generally allow the conversations in the cafe to go slightly off-yopic, but now the baby talk conversation is just turning into debate. As per the forum rules:
https://www.collegeconfidential.com/policies/rules/
So let’s move on please.
I think anyone who says they don’t engage in some form of “code switching” relating to language/content of language/behavior is being disingenuous.
I think as to “inappropriate language,” intent is very important. Shouting out a curse word when you stub your toe is entirely different than using a curse word in order to name call, insult, or intimidate another person. Saying “dang it” after stubbing your toe is no different in intent than saying another generic curse word.
“But, for sure, they never used vulgar language around women or children.”
As long as we continue to allow women to be grouped with children as lesser than men or simply too delicate compared to men, we have no hope of having gender equality in other areas. Issues like this just serve to point out how deeply ingrained the idea that women need special protection - and the converse, aren’t as capable, as strong - is in our culture.
If you feel language is inappropriate, then it should be inappropriate for men and women, but this BS of language being OK to say around men but not women is part of the problem and why women still have trouble being viewed as leaders and being worthy of the same pay as men.
If you routinely liberally lace your conversations with the F bomb or other like words, then it’s no longer a bomb, just another adjective.
@milee30 Nicely said. ^:)^
I hate when I am around kids using vulgar language, and yes I curse frequently around an appropriate audience. When I used to chaperone field trips, I was always amazed at the kids who would curse. I would also politely inform them that was a “ no-go” for me. I they also couldn’t call me by my first name, another pet peeve of mine.
Years ago when my parents got their first vcr and you could rent movies I suggested they might enjoy Trading Places with Eddie Murphy and they might have except they were so offended by the F bomb being thrown in every sentence that they didn’t finish it. I apparently hadn’t even noticed or I wouldn’t have recommended it.
If you want to sound like Stifler in the American Pie series…go right ahead. Yup, some of the rest of us will judge you.
Someone studied for a Bachelor of Science degree on this subject?
Would a three letter word beginning with ‘a’ that can be a synonym for “donkey” be ok to say in a church using the King James Version of the Bible?
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+20%3A17&version=KJV
If you are admittedly judgmental of people whose language you find offensive, why would you go to such a movie?
I never heard of Stifler, so don’t know how extreme he is.
“Someone studied for a Bachelor of Science degree on this subject?”
I’m sure someone has, but it wasn’t me. My BS is in Accountancy, the polar opposite of social sciences. I have a CPA, spent years in consulting turning around troubled companies and now run my own electronics manufacturing firm. My comments are based on observing for years how differently men and women are treated in business. Now that I have my own business, I do not have to deal with it within my company, but it is still an issue I regularly see in dealings with banks and outside entities.
My phd friends swear more than just about anyone else I know.
I’m a cusser. Always have been, always will be. Never was a taboo thing in my family. Yes, yes I’m sure we’re classless and backwards to many on this thread. Fine by me 
It’s basically a mortal sin in Mr R’s family. I try to watch it around them but habits are hard to break and all that.
ETA: I will never, ever use the c-word. I consider that offensive due to its original meaning. But I also don’t approve of words like “■■■■■■■■” and “■■■■■.” Again, not because of the words themselves but because they’re ableist, sexist, homophobic, etc.
^^^Agree, because those words are used to insult/degrade/intimidate rather than to express a feeling or add emphasis to an expression of feeling.
The first (and possibly only) time I heard my dad swear was when I was 16 and a massive snow storm had just finished and another driver forced him into a snow bank. I was absolutely shocked. Then again, he was a Rabbi at a university so never would have used foul language normally.
I was probably in my 40’s before I was able to use expletives in moments of stress; too uncomfortable before that. I still don’t use them in the presence of anyone except immediate family. The movie “Anger Management” helped me understand the humerous aspects; I was torn between covering my ears and laughing my head off.
Now I’m somewhat inured but still don’t understand the purpose of peppering them into everyday speech, especially when they become verbal hiccups. Even more than “like” and “um”, it totally distracts from the content of the conversation.
I agree with the underlying message of “protecting” women from bad language - read an article recently which included a line about how the Chief of Staff is such a gentleman because he stops men from swearing in front of women. How about stopping them because you’re in the bleeping White House?!
I never heard my grandfathers, father, uncles swear, not even a “dang” “darn” or “doggonnit”. The first time I heard an adult male swear I was 13 and he was the father of a best friend, driving the two of us to their family’s vacation home. He got cut off in traffic, barely missed hitting someone else, and really let loose. Then he had to pull over because I was about to vomit. And he was extremely distressed, understanding he had caused my discomfort. Really rough day for him!
My ears weren’t exactly virginal. I had certainly heard my peers express themselves that way, but never an adult.
A former employee of mine encountered some current employees at a gas station. He was wearing the uniform of his new employer and driving their company truck. Current employees could not believe how loud and how many “f” bombs he managed to drop in their two minute conversation. Obviously an embarassment to the new employer because he was terminated less than a week later.
So with this logic the F bomb is okay - but a MF’er bomb is not because that would be directed at someone and thus an aggressive insult. Also, with this logic saying ‘that F-er’ is also not okay because it is obviously directed at someone.
So if the person behind you in line is saying ‘that M-F’er’ you would turn around and voice your discontent.