accepted to college-still stressed about homework!

<p>Help-- my d was accepted ed to her first choice school- without conditions- other than she graduate -I guess! I am trying to tell her take it easy on herself-- a B or 2 wouldnt kill her (Miss straight A's)-- she cant seem to relax-- and the teachers keep piling on the crap-I have told her to take a day off if she cant get her work done on time and still participate in her sport after school. Any other suggestions? Anyone else in this boat? My friends with sons had their grades nosedive once they were into college--of course to some people it wil seem bizarre that I am complaining about a hardworking kid-- but I cant see how the endless stress for high school grades at this point is worth it!</p>

<p>I think it’s great that she’s continuing to demonstrate a strong work ethic, and I think that bodes well for her doing well in college. My perspective comes from having an older S who – after being accepted to his first and second choice colleges by Nov. of senior year, announced in clas, “I don’t have to do homework anymore. I’ve been accepted to college.” He managed to graduate from high school then flunked out of college, so count your blessings at having such a hard working daughter.</p>

<p>thanks so much for your insight. However, I wish there were some happy medium between our two kids! My d has her next 3 degrees mapped out-- we had to tell her that after undergrad she was on her own–to balance her out she will probably need someone more laid back-- like your son! Did you suggest plumbing or electrician to your son-- or hairdresser? My hairdresser makes 300K/yr! I think college is not for everyone and self employment in some skilled area may not be the worst thing! Plus, if he has to support himself, he may come around!</p>

<p>"Did you suggest plumbing or electrician to your son-- or hairdresser? "</p>

<p>That S hates physical labor! He does, however, seem to have talent for making money and supervising people, and seems to be doing well in his office job – has had several promotions in his two years working there despite being in a city that has been hit worse by the recession than have most.</p>

<p>Interestingly, my S who’s in college and thriving has settled on a theater tech major, and loves the hands-on part of that major while also loving the academics of a liberal arts major. I suspect he may end up being like a friend of ours who graduated in physics from a top LAC, and has worked for more than 20 years building opera sets.</p>

<p>Funny, I just did an email to my son’s collection of IB teachers. The work load is TOO much! Any one project is not horrible – but pile them all together and it is a huge slog, night after night. </p>

<p>College is SO much easier – older son has three classes per term – not seven classes every day. Plus our school district added on a ton of additional graduation requirements. Again, none of them alone is unreasonable, but together it is monumental. What are we doing to these kids???</p>

<p>I specifically worked hard my first semester (and scheduled two very light months, which most students can’t do because I go to an online high school). The light months gave me time to recover from burnout while still keeping a decent schedule, but more importantly, my 4.0 first semester was a cushion for senioritis. On the other hand, a) I’ve been dealing with senioritis since the sixth grade and b) I got in with a 3.84 (or a 3.7 in my lowest year), so my conditions wouldn’t be so high.</p>

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<p>Not necessarily. She could burn out. She could end up an adult unable to enjoy life, and constantly feeling bad about herself because her ego is too tied to external validation. She could end up unable to develop into a balanced person who has a life because she doesn’t know when to stop. She could be someone who is more concerned about the grade rather than learning anything. </p>

<p>I’m not saying she’s any of these things, mind you! I don’t mean to insult your daughter, but given we know so little, it could be a good thing or a bad thing. As a mom, you should trust your instincts on this. </p>

<p>I will say that see plenty of graduate students completely flounder because they focus on their ‘grades’ at the expense of publishing…when the reality is in our field, no one will ever hire you because of your transcript (they won’t even SEE one’s transcript!), and will hire you entirely because of your research record. Despite the irrationality, some never learn to turn it off. Interested in learning? Fantastic! Freaked about getting a B when it doesn’t matter? Bad sign.</p>

<p>wow. im a senior and im in the same boat…except i’m a deferred candidate from my top choice, but I still have several good schools I’m already into.</p>

<p>I feel so burned out…it’s kind of making me hate school, and i never used to be one to say that I’m sick of school, but now i REALLY am! sometimes the teachers just give too much. i swear once I finished my last few college apps over breeak, i did hw most of it =/ </p>

<p>it kind of really sucks. even our breaks aren’t really breaks!</p>

<p>Your D may find that college is actually easier than high school, given her intensity. There are all sorts of stories in both directions. I think you just need to trust your D…it sounds as if she has a terrific work ethic that will stand her in good stead.</p>

<p>My D graduated with a 3.9uw in high school and northwards of that in college. I sometimes blanched at some of her decisions, like taking 18-20 units plus EC’s, but she did it and I can’t argue with her. Interesting, as she moves further into workworld adulthood, she makes conscious decisions in triage mode about what she feels she does or does not need to be perfect at.</p>

<p>She has pressed herself very hard at times and then taken the time to recharge. Right now, I’m happy she decided to defer grad school for one more year, just to let that recharging wriggle its way down to the bottom of her toes.</p>

<p>Thanks to everyone for their support. I am thinking that college may be easier also. Not a full day of 8-3pm classes. My only other problem is sports-- she runs cross country, indoor and outdoor-- even though it is a D3 school- sports takes up alot of time-even in D3. Anyone gone thru this too? Sometimes I have dreams that the coach wont take her-not sure if that is a fantasy or nightmare. I want her to try other things and sports makes that all but impossible. Am I the only one who is encouraging a kid to try the unusual clubs at college–maybe hackie sak or acapella singing–anything but running!</p>

<p>I am letting my daughter take some ‘mental health’ days-- doing work at home is still more relaxing than going to school! See if you can take a few of those!</p>

<p>I am strongly encouraging d #2 who doesnt love school toward hairdressing! Hey- I figure for what we will spend for college we could set her up in her own business! Maybe she can end up supporting us! My husband is in the health care field and although we truly believe everyone should be insured- it may not bode well for us personally!</p>

<p>Thanks for that insight. Lucky for me, my brother and sister-in-law are professors and will hopefully be there for that guidance as far as grad school. However, the perfectionism hits home-- the never feeling good enough no matter how well she does. I am so happy she made her first choice school- I was afraid we would be on suicide watch if she didnt-- lots of kids in her school did not get into their first choices and it has been miserable for their families. We live in the northeast in a very competitive community-- 7 applied to Cornell and 4 got in. The valedictorian didnt make Yale ed. On the other side of this- 25%of the kids have 3.8 or higher gpas which make them knocking each other out of the same select group of schools.</p>

<p>What did your daughter major in that she got a job with an undergrad degree? My d wants to major in chem/neuroscience and I figure she can probably take a break and work at a drug company or independent lab!</p>

<p>My D kept working hard senior year because that’s the way she is, but also she was in 5 AP classes and wanted to be prepared for the tests. I did tell her it’s OK to get a few B’s in college, and she has gotten some A- and B+ as well as one B. She is only doing a club sport, which is less time consuming, so she has time for other clubs and activities.</p>

<p>our d’s sound similar. Is she finding college easier than high school-- thats my hope!</p>

<p>Mine didn’t really slow down after the apps, but I could tell they were “easier” on themselves. S1 definitely “enjoys” college better than high school because of the lighter class load and the ability to “organize” his class times, study times, pick his classes etc. so S2 and S3 see and hear that info from him. I would guess this is a pretty common feeling after the grind of high school. I would be concerned if I had a kiddo who just “collapsed” after some acceptances and let everything go because that sort of says the priorities maybe weren’t in the right place or they thought the finish line was the college acceptance instead of the college graduation, but alittle bit of ease up or light heartedness is expected. Even the school administration breath a sigh of collective relief once the spring arrives. There is a reason for senior skip day in the spring LOL. I just tell the kids the finish line is not the high school graduation and just to pace themselves.</p>

<p>I prayed for girls, but now I wish I had boys!! They seem much more straightforward than girls-</p>

<p>But, it’s NOT over yet. An offer could be rescinded. And, don’t you want her to continue her good work ethic? She’ll need it both for college and life/a job. </p>

<p>I worry that it seems so many kids end up having it TOO easy in college (10am classes, only 2 a day, Friday’s off, easy A’s, etc.)…that the real working world hits them like a ton of bricks. I’m a firm believer that…the less we HAVE to do…the less we WANT to do. I fall under that category, even though I used to be a workaholic (due to financial NEED). When the holidays are approaching and the desk load gets light…seems like I don’t want to start anything. When there is a TON of work in front of me, I know I have to tear into it and keep at it or it will overpower me. </p>

<p>So…why would you want her to work on her SPORT, but not academics? My own D decided to drop ONE of her ECs this semester, and she’s actually VERY sorry now, because she’s USED to 16-18 hour days. She still has 3 APs, and 2 honors courses. But…once they’re used to being so busy, they like to stay that way. Keeps the out of trouble. I’m all for it. Besides, do you mean you’re trying to get her to study less/do less homework? Because, I mean, you can’t change what they’re assigning. You just feel it’s too much or something? My own D spent 4 plus hours many/most nights on homework IN THE 6TH GRADE! It let up a LITTLE in Jr. High. High School has been easy after living those years.</p>

<p>I guess I just dont remember it being this hard-- there doesnt seem to be as much hanging out and fun for these kids as I had as a 1981 high school grad. I would be willing to bet that this is true for most of us-- all this technology has just sped it all up more. I remember my biggest stresses were getting the book out of the library before it was out for a project and waiting for that phone call-or getting yelled at to get off the phone-- the one in the house with the long,curly cord…</p>