<p>Flashback to last Monday. I was looking for my English professor because I was concerned about my current grade, how I did on my tests, and needed help with the research paper she assigned me. I went to the English dept and asked the secretary where is she. The secretary told me that she hasn't arrived yet and when I told the secretary that I was concerned about my grade, she handed me a class withdrawl form and last Monday was the last day to withdraw from classes. Eventually, my English professor came into the English dept and I talked to her about my grade and said that I was doing average so I don't have to withdraw. She also said that I should make an appointment in the writing center for Thursday (today) with her so she could help me with my paper. I went to the writing center to schedule the appointment.</p>
<p>Fastfoward to today. After my business class, I went straight to the writing center and she wasn't there. I asked the secretary where is she and the secretary told me that she isn't on campus at the time. I left, but checked back 30 minutes later-she still wasn't there.</p>
<p>Before English class started, I finally saw her walking into the classroom. I said in front of the class, "Hey DeMattio, why weren't you in the writing center today? That's when she started getting mad at me. She started talking back at me in front of the class saying that she was at the doctor's office and that's why she couldn't make it. I laughed because I thought she said something funny only to realize that she was being very serious and stern at me. The professor humiliated me in front of the class and everyone seems to be laughing at me. Then she wanted my to see her after class.</p>
<p>After class, she yelled at me and scolded me for disrespecting her. First she said that I should've addressed her as "Professor DeMattio". Second, she told me that I should've talked to her privately instead talking to her in front of the class about why she missed the appointment at the writing center. She told me that I should've withdrawl from class (too late to withdraw now). She also told me that "I'm the adult and you're the student. I can do whatever I want", or something like that. I guess it implies that she could miss the appointment if she wanted to.</p>
<p>Was the professor being mean to me? My best friend next to me thought I did nothing wrong, although he wasn't there after class to see me being scold by the professor. I didn't mean to offend or disrespect her. I even told her that I'm sorry for disrespecting her and she still kept yelling at me! What should I do?</p>
<p>It’s her choice whether she wants to get over it or not; you have already apologized. At best, I would give her a more formal apology in private. Besides doing that, how she is going to treat you in the future is really out of your control, but I suspect she’ll cool down after a few days.</p>
<p>i can understand why she wouldn’t want to be called out in front of the class, but your teacher is still a … if she’s going to miss an appointment, notify someone!!!
students have busy schedules too and have to cancel things to make appointments, so she needs to thinking “students have all this free time so if i miss an appointment it won’t matter cuz it’s not like they had anything else better to do”.
and they way she came at you in private was kinda rude too, but she was probably …</p>
<p>I suggest that you go to her and privately apologize. She may have had an emergency doctor’s appointment. A professor I had missed class once due to a doctor’s appointment. The students were surprised since we came and there was no class, no note about why she was absent.</p>
<p>The professor never came to any class there again and a new professor was assigned to the class. it ended up that the original professor – a young woman – had been diagnosed with cancer, such a serious case that she had resigned her job and moved to another part of the country where her parents lived and where there was an excellent cancer treatment center.</p>
<p>^Exactly the scenario I imagined and precisely what might reasonably be expected to rattle even the most professional of people. Usually when people overreact it’s not entirely about the situation at hand. Apologizing while acknowledging concern for a fellow human would probably go a long way.</p>
<p>I agree that you should apologize again in person (now that both of you have had time to cool off). Another issue that hasn’t yet been mentioned is the way you addressed your professor by just her last name instead of “Prof. DeMattio.” I think in general, it’s a pretty casual form of address that’s not really appropriate when speaking to someone in a position of authority unless you have express permission to do so. It comes across as disrespectful.</p>
<p>In any case, maybe her reaction wasn’t entirely professional (it’s hard to tell, since we weren’t there), but I do think you owe her a more formal apology. And if she continues to hold a grudge against you afterwards, then she’s definitely being unprofessional.</p>
<p>what did you expect to happen when you talked to her in a disrespectful manner within earshot of the entire class?</p>
<p>Your professor is right about everything, except the “i am the adult, you are the student” part was probably unnecessary. You are probably pretty screwed.</p>
<p>I guess my ego is just too big to allow her to speak to me that way.
Regardless of whether she felt disrespected, as she said “I am the adult, you are the student.” She should try acting like the adult.
From what you described, her reaction was uncalled for–whether you meant to be rude or not.
A better response, in my opinion, would for her to have told you she’d discuss it with you after class (rather than embarrass you in front of your peers–particularly, if she too felt embarrassed and wasn’t keen on the feeling herself.) and in a calm, and fairly professional manner—sans-yelling—told you she didn’t appreciate your comment and explain why she was absent or what have you.</p>
<p>Though to moderately contradict myself, I’ll be damned if I allow anyone to yell at me. I don’t care if it’s the dean himself.</p>
<p>I think the “Hey DeMattio” and laughing bit is what screwed you over. Big mistake.</p>
<p>I don’t really know how your relationship is with the teacher (I’m guessing she’s one of those laid-back teachers – because other than that, I don’t know what made you think that calling her by her last name would be acceptable).</p>
<p>Apologize to her in private. It might be best.</p>
<p>^^To be fair, though, the OP said that she said something along those lines, but the OP could have misinterpreted her tone and/or words (although I do agree that if that’s what she was implying, then it was an immature response). Plus, it seems like the professor did tell the OP to speak to her privately after she mentioned she had a doctor’s appointment. What’s unclear to me is the “humiliation” that the OP mentions (as in, exactly how did she humiliate him). Also, what the OP might consider “yelling” could just be a stern talking-to.</p>
<p>I mean, it sounds like there was fault on both sides, but I think a greater portion of it falls on the OP (sorry, ktsai91, but that’s why you should apologize profusely and explain to her why you laughed).</p>
<p>" said in front of the class, “Hey DeMattio, why weren’t you in the writing center today? That’s when she started getting mad at me. She started talking back at me in front of the class saying that she was at the doctor’s office and that’s why she couldn’t make it. I laughed because I thought she said something funny only to realize that she was being very serious and stern at me.”</p>
<p>You humiliated HER in front of the class.</p>
<p>You don’t call out to a professor in front of a class. You don’t address a professor by their last name only. You don’t publicly reprimand anyone – particularly someone who’s in a position over you.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, for all you know she was at the doctor because of some kind of serious or potentially serious health concern. Most people don’t go to the doctor for a fun time nor do most people joke about going to see their doctor.</p>
<p>Then, when she told you she was at the doctor’s, you laughed like she was making a joke.</p>
<p>Can you understand now why she was ticked at you and why you owe her an apology?</p>
<p>She was probably just because of the reason for her Dr.'s appointment – she probably found out she had an STD, or her latest IVF procedure didn’t take, etc. (I’m actually not kidding, as funny as that might sound.) People like that cannot be reasoned with. Report her to the department head for being unprofessional.</p>
<p>The student will look like a fool if he reports her because he was the one who was rude. All he’ll do is get on the “rude student” list of the department had and of other professors. The student especially will get on their crap list if the professors know, for instance, that his professor has some kind of serious medical problem.</p>
<p>What the student needs to do is apologize to the professor. Reporting her would be the stupidest thing he coudl do.</p>
<p>“She was probably just because of the reason for her Dr.'s appointment – she probably found out she had an STD, or her latest IVF procedure didn’t take, etc. (I’m actually not kidding, as funny as that might sound.) People like that cannot be reasoned with. Report her to the department head for being unprofessional.”</p>
<p>That would be how NOT to handle it.
I second Northstarmom. Fix the problem by addressing it privately, or you’re going to build a reputation that outlasts that class–and that’s the last thing you want to do. </p>
<p>What if you end up needing some professor’s recommendation or reference and word got to them about some altercation you had with a professor who was seriously ill and you laughed about it? Even if that doesn’t happen, whining/complaining about situations YOU create now will make you whin/complain about situations later. Including when you finally get a job and need to solve your own issues.</p>
<p>You want to end this problem positively, and you want to end it now. IMO, you acted immaturely. No big deal if you fix it, I’d hope.</p>
<p>Being unprofessional? Are you serious? If anything the OP was “unprofessional” by calling the teacher by only her last name. The only people I know who do that are good friends, superior ranked soldiers to lower ranked soldiers, and annoying bossy-types.</p>
<p>edit: To repeat ad nauseum, meet with the professor privately and apologize. You don’t have to bleed tears and beg for mercy, just say that you are sorry for how you confronted her in class, that it was unprofessional of you, and that you are sincerely sorry and won’t do it again.</p>
<p>Well, while it was unprofessional of you to call her by her last name, it was certainly unprofessional of her to not show up for her time with you without at least leaving a message at the front desk, and her angry outburst in response to being called out was less than professional as well.</p>
<p>She tried to help you and you bite her hand!!!</p>
<p>This summarizes all and also applies to young professionals and bosses:</p>
<p>“You don’t call out to a professor in front of a class.”</p>
<p>Also agree: You don’t address a professor by their last name only. You don’t publicly reprimand anyone – particularly someone who’s in a position over you."</p>
<p>You are the one that need to apologize as soon as you can-- in private!</p>
<p>One thing I forgot to tell you is that I have autism. I believe that having autism contributed to my bad social decision-making skills, and led me to ask her in class at the wrong time.</p>
<p>Since you have autism and may not handle social situations in a way many others would, It may be a good idea for you to write the professor an apology, and also let her know in the letter that you have autism. Have someone wise like a parent or a trusted wise friend look over the letter before you give it to the professor.</p>