A- , A or A+From school report cards probably won’t make significant difference as they are not standardized like SSAT (unless there is another student coming from the same school applying offering an apple to Apple comparison to the admission team).
mmm
some are from local publics, which are generally comparable
nearly all the others are from privates with profiles
only rare homeschooler might pose a problem
and for clarification there’s recommendation letters
Thanks I appreciate the confidence. But that’s not a humble brag at all. I’m assuming your school (and that of most BS applicants) is quite a bit tougher than ours. The transcript does show class rank, so they will be able to put her grades into context at least a bit. I don’t have it handy, and am going by the one that doesn’t include last semester. But I think she was towards the bottom of the top 10%. That is also not intended as a humble brag. There are plenty of kids in her school that will go to community college or not end up going to college at all. I was figuring that coming from her middle school top 10% is probably a floor, and being one of the top couple of kids would be better. I think if we had an SSAT score I would worry about this less.
I guess part of it is that you are right that I have no context for this or what is expected. I think she is capable of being a better than average student at most of the places she is applying to, but probably isn’t performing at that level right now because I assume they are getting pushed harder. I feel like our kids were pushed in their elementary school, but the middle school is just a holding pen. It doesn’t take much to do well. It takes more at the HS, and honestly we let all of our kids coast a bit in MS, because we know that HS is going to be a lot tougher so for the others it seemed to work well to let them start that fresh and rearing to go, rather than feeling like they have already been on the treadmill. Don’t get me wrong, she still turns everything in, and cares about making sure she is learning the material. But that has been what I have been telling her and what she has been focusing on. Learn the material really well, because it is stuff you will need to know down the road, especially math and foreign language. But don’t worry about the grade because in MS it doesn’t matter.
D21 was 1/350+ in her HS class (that’s a straight up brag, not being humble about it at all) and I guess I have in my mind that she would be a typical BS kid, probably in the top but not tippy top part of the class at the schools D is applying to, and middle of the pack at an acronym school. Maybe I’m way off with what I think the BS’s want to see. I was worried about D21’s college search, and shegot in ED to Amherst, so I was off there.
The schools she applied to are not tippy top, but they still are mostly 1/3 or less admission rates. I’m figuring that a kid needing substantial FA is going to have to be a bit of a stand out or she will end up in the 2/3 that they don’t admit.
Mostly I’m going to be a wreck until M10.
1 Like
@dadof4kids I’m going to second @Calliemomofgirls Your kids (only because I have read a bit of background on your others 
) are all awesome. You have crafted a very strategic and unassuming list of schools. You have done your homework, as has kid4. I have no doubt that her application is very strong and competitive.
Keep in mind that most of the people on this forum represent a very small niche of the BS applicants. Not every BS applicant is a standout in something. These schools need well-rounded, good-hearted, determined and ambitious (not overly so) kids to fill their classes. I do not even head over to the “chance mes” nor many of the cafe threads, for the reason that those posters seem to be nothing like my kid and I don’t want to get bogged down in the comparison game. Let this application process just simply be a celebration of your kiddo and her ambitions and accomplishments.
Now-- in all honesty (and with a bit of sarcasm thrown in because we really don’t know each other ALL that well, yet)…I am a bit disappointed in the mail alert thing. I think your time would be better spent trying to perfect the use of the spirit smoker that @choatiemom introduced you to on another thread…just a suggestion…
3 Likes
I haven’t bought the smoker yet, although I am intrigued. It may go on my birthday wish list, the boys would probably buy it for me because they would want to try it too and I am impossible to buy for.
I also avoid “chance me” for BS and college. Several reasons. And I do need to keep perspective on the fact that CC people are a tiny slice of the tiny slice of people who consider BS, which is a tiny slice of the general population. I know it is like that on the college side. If I just judged things by what people post on CC D21 would have done ED to a much less selective school than Amherst, because based on what CC parents say about their kids she had zero chance and would probably be lucky to get into a 4 year school anywhere, let alone one with less than a 50% acceptance rate.
As far as the mail alerts, I am ok with surprises, but it is still a surprise if I find out a day early! We found out the gender of all of our kids, and that was my wife’s rationale. It’s still a surprise, just one I get 4 months early so I can plan. Works for me!
2 Likes
@dadof4kids My comment was meant to guide you gently to the conclusion that you are being a really, really tough judge, not that you were humble-bragging. (Which I would consider by far the yuckier of those two options. You, from what I know so far, are not the type who hems and haws and backhandedly seeks approval and accolades – and eye rolls – through the humble-brag.)
I should have constructed my sentence differently since you couldn’t hear my tone, so here is my re-do:
Unless you are humble-bragging (which is so NOT you, and frankly pretty yucky), you are being a really, really tough judge.
(And speaking of the word brag – sharing kids accomplishments, especially in a forum where we are looking at stats and considering options, fit, etc. – is not bragging. But the difference is outside the scope of my post. But just want you to know: you sharing stats does not feel like bragging from where I sit.)
FWIW, my kids all are public school kiddos from a good, but small and very unknown-to-prep-schools district. Plenty of community college kids, etc. No advanced classes even offered in MS. And my kids still got some B’s. And kid got into schools with 10-15% admission rates with pretty unspectacular SSATs.
I say this only to debunk the myth that many folks are under that the prep school game is an academic contest to get in, and that the very best students are what they seek.
While a student needs to show competence and the ability to handle the academics, once that box is checked, they move on to fit and desired attributes. A student who has all As in her entire middle school career at an accredited public school system that was apparently strong enough to launch siblings into great colleges, has checked the box, for even the 13% admission schools, let alone your nice long list of 30% admission schools. So it makes my heart sink when you start lamenting that she didn’t do extra credit for A+'s. The box was checked! Even if she doesn’t get in (I agree with @gardenstategal who says in another post that she will eat dirt if you don’t have options with that lovely list), don’t look there to make improvements for next year.
I’ll step back and say that I study success as part of my job. People often confuse the threshold competency for their competitive advantage, and I think it’s easy for applicants to do that in the prep school admissions process. Threshold competency is the minimum level of a skill/attribute that you need to throw your hat in the ring and play the game. Competitive advantage is how you actually clinch the win. Here is the important thing to note: Very few people will have the threshold competency as their competitive advantage, and yet many people act as if it were theirs. But most people will have a competitive advantage that is NOT the requested threshold competency. So yes, they need to have an acceptable minimum of that threshold competency to play, and sure, the stronger the better. But when people don’t win, they often step back and scratch their head and focus more and more on that threshold competency and wonder why they didn’t win. Answer: it’s because they tried to make the threshold competency their competitive advantage, and meanwhile totally missed their opportunity to lean into (and celebrate) their actual competitive advantage. (For kids especially, this can mean they miss the opportunity to discover their competitive advantage in the first place, so focussed they are on the threshold competency.)
In the case of schools – obviously the threshold competency is a certain level of academic ability. You must meet it. But then, these BS schools turn to the other stuff to create their community.
Are there some kids who are picked because their threshold competency (academic talent) is so off the charts that it becomes their competitive advantage? yes. But just like they don’t need 100 clarinet players, they don’t need the school to be all this one profile, even at a “tippy top” school.
Deciding to make the threshold competency your competitive advantage is very risky, because it puts you in direct “competition” with people with that one, very narrow, competency with few winners. Only one person can be the very best student, but lots of people can be the best at their own defined competitive advantage. (Ok so in our example, a few students would be in an equal pool of “best students” if you will.). But MANY people can shine in their various competitive competencies and thus make those their competitive advantage. In the world of success, it is usually much more effective to be the winner of your own game, than it is to come in 5th or 10th or 100th (depending on the situation) in the narrow definition of the threshold competency game. Which is why applicants are wise to check the threshold box and then go create their own narrative, and present themselves as the undisputed champion of their own story. (Caveat: the game/story must be relevant to game being played and compelling to whoever is judging of course.)
Ok I’ve already gone way off course for this thread, so I’ll stop here.
yep, M10 is super exciting and super stressful! And the wait is rough. FWIW, I have yet to see anyone share an all-bad-news-M10 with a list like yours @dadof4kids.
7 Likes
Totally agree and want to make a plug for one of my favorite threads over on the big board, The Bragging Thread, where you can crow without judgement to your heart’s content.
1 Like
@Calliemomofgirls I always glean so much from your insightful posts…plus I am getting so much from the Cal Newport book.
@dadof4kids I’m just gonna go with “what she said”!
4 Likes
Me too – what she said.
And what she said strongly applies to college applications as well!
3 Likes
@buuzn03 ditto back to you. I love our friendship!
For anyone wondering, the Cal Newport book I recommended to Buuz is How to Be a High School Super Star, which in my opinion is a little strangely named because it talks about becoming a super star in a more organic way. In it, he discusses the importance of not throwing away 4 years of your life just trying to do everything purely to pursue college admissions. (I also recommend his book Deep Work.). I love Cal Newport’s thinking on things.
Also, I’m reading Xcellent Sheep, which is an indictment (is that too strong of a word? EDITED TO ADD: I like Gardenstategal take below that it’s a “cautionary tale.” Yes, more accurate) on elite education. Also interesting: Privilege, which is about a year spent teaching at SPS, by an SPS alum. (NB: none of these books are “anti-boarding school” at all. But they are very informative and have given me tons of context in which to navigate our path.)
Maybe grab one of these books to help M10 wait fly by?
Don’t mind me being the official OFF TOPIC POST HIJACKER this morning.
Puppy on lap, coffee in hand, and a keyboard at my fingertips.
My happy place.
thanks for letting me be me.
I feel seen.
4 Likes
Excellent sheep need not be an indictment. Think of it as a cautionary tale. It’s easy for parents and kids to get caught up in that cycle…
1 Like
@Calliemomofgirls my happy place was exactly the same earlier today. Now that it’s a bit later here, substitute “sandwich” for “coffee” and I’m still there. I guess the dog is too big for a lap, so he’s snuggled against my leg.
I know I’m a tough judge. With S19, when his HS coach (soph year) found out he wanted to combine high academics with his sport, he suggested a couple schools to me for S that were in my opinion laughably out of reach athletically. One was a solid top 10 D1 program with top academics. I found out later from a mutual friend that S19’s club coach was telling people that exact top 10 program was where S19 would probably end up (stylistic and academic fit as well as ability), even before we had any contact with any coaches from there. When we did unofficial visits that summer, we didn’t even go there, because it felt like a waste of time, and our only contact was a courtesy acknowlegement from the coach that he got S’s email. Fast forward 2 years, we are sitting in the coach’s office and S is getting the hard sell for why he should commit to them 6 months earlier than he planned on making his decision, because the coach was trying to get him locked down.
Not telling that story to brag on him, more as an indictment of myself. If Patrick Mahomes was my son, I would probably say he’s doing ok but he needs to get a contract extension lined up because this can’t last. Not that I’m not intensely proud of all of my kids, including S18 who doesn’t do things appreciated by the CC crowd but is doing some great things in his own area. I am. But I am just always skeptical that the rest of the world will realize how great they are! And I’m out of my element here, which is probably why I’m so pessimistic.
What I found most interesting about your post is that you are telling me things I know but seem to forget. I’ve said the same thing on the college side (and given the same as career advice) many times. Heck, I even said it a couple of post ago when I described how we judge schools. There is a threshold you have to meet. Once it is met, academically I don’t really care (for our decision purposes) about the difference between Brooks and Andover. I see the difference, I just don’t care. The box is checked, I’m moving on to more important things.
D21 is a prime example of that. If you just look at her scores, you would expect her to be slightly below the median at Amherst. She was definitely not an academic recruit, and not an athletic recruit either despite that being one of her main EC’s, which if you read CC is a bad idea. But I think she checked the academically good enough box, and her overall package was interesting enough she probably got the nod over some other less interesting girl with 1600 and 36 on her first try.
4 Likes
As fascinating as this all is, can we return to the original question?
Ummmm – what was that?
3 Likes
@skieurope I take full responsibility.
Back to M10!
2 Likes
As the OP of the thread, I loved the “diversion” from the main question. I especially liked the book recommendations. Our kid applying to BS is the first child. We always tease him that you are an experimental child to learn the secondary education system! We enjoy reading books mostly related to the character and personality growth of children, but I am sure the recommended books will give us a good perspective regardless if he gets admitted to a BS or not.
1 Like
thanks for putting up with us @chemsider !
1 Like
It’s been a great pleasure. I mean it!
I understand what you are saying. Depending on the school, an A doesn’t mean you are working your hardest and it is hard to see how your kid will fit in another school. You think it is not working as hard as they could.
My son worked really hard to earn straight As at a school but only because that was his personality and he was engaged. He really only needed to work half as hard but the creative projects would suck him in. One time he mixed up the dates of a project and spent about a 1/4 of the time. Still an A. Teacher still held it up as the ideal project. He finally understood why he needed to change schools. A lot of kids were shocked, shocked when their A work didn’t amount to much compared to new schools. At his new school, the grading is absolutely brutal and the work is hard and boring. Hoping to find a better fit in boarding school.
1 Like
So-- Back on track. It has been so long since DS went through this process. For those of you that did this last year…do you remember when the schools started telling people the date/time of notifications? I seem to think it was literally just a week or so before M10. Or am I remembering incorrectly?