Advice for meeting with College Counselor

<p>Tonight is the first meeting with the Junior's parents and their college counselors. Last year we met informally and were told that basically they would start focusing on our kids after January (when the seniors were taken care of). Soooo, I want to strike a balance between interested mom and psycho stalker mom (which is more realistically me). Any suggestions (besides shutting up) for what I should be asking the counselor and what I should be telling her? If you've had a particularly good relationship with a counselor, how was that forged? Did you make any mistakes when dealing with your kid's counselor? Any and all suggestions welcome!!</p>

<p>Our counselors were a mixed bag. Very good at traditional colleges, but completely lacking in understanding of the service academy process. My son is now a Midshipman at the United States Merchant Marine Academy and also received a nominaton to the Naval Academy, but he had to do all the work himself. </p>

<p>USMMA and USNA were his first two choices, but the counselors were no help in guiding him with regard to West Point, Coast Guard or the Air Force Academy. They were OK in deaing with civilian colleges.</p>

<p>This is called "Junior Launch" at my kids school, and if they are having it this early in the second semester, it sounds as if they are very much on the ball. I'm assuming that these are private meetings, not the general Q&A sessions.
A lot of what to ask depends on whether the GC meet with the students first. At our school, the CC meets first with the student alone, then the parents alone, then, early in the senior year, student with parents - kids not applying to selective schools, or applying well within their stats don't go through all these steps. Before any of these meetings, both students and parents have a packet of info to fill out, which includes a parents' letter, actually a short essay in response to a number of questions about the student, their personality, aspirations, asking for anecdotes - the CC uses this letter in interviewing the student, and in writing the CC letter.
A lot of that first conversation centers around feeling out the "realisticness" of everyone's expectations - are the student's/parent's and CC's goals all in line. A reasonable, typical question for the CC, if they have already talked to the child is "Does my child's list have appropriate reaches, matches and safeties?". We discussed strategies for visiting, and what to look for on a visit.
There was a discreet conversation about finances - a lot of families, evidently, don't understand how need blind admissions work, and have children very disappointed when they couldn't attend a particular school</p>

<p>Psycho stalker mom---I like that! I was close to that probably. Looking back on early junior year for my D, I wish we had talked more to the GC about planning out when to take the darn tests. With a varsity sport in the fall, D had virtually no time left to study for SAT retakes etc. in senior year. My suggestion: take tests early and as often as your kid can stand it. (Mine balked after two SATs and one ACT). Also discuss ED/EA---very important, as most parents don't know too much about the benefits.<br>
I also agree with cangel about discussing appropriate reaches, matches and safeties.</p>

<p>I agree with maryc, take tests early. My son took it the very first chance he had as a junior -- October his junior year and got a 1510 (old score) and was done. One less thing to think about. It also allowed him to drop schools off the bottom of his list. And it made him more competitive for NASS.</p>

<p>It happens so fast, doesn't it?! I can hardly believe my dd is finished with all of her apps, when it seems like yesterday that we were where you are now! My comments on the GC meetings-just our experience, maybe yours will be better (and it sounds like you will be a prepared and informed parent for this college process):
The GC experience we have had, as have most in my dd and ds's large public HS, has been at best rushed, at worst misinformed and frankly deleterious in that regard. I really don't blame the GCs (completely!). They are way overburdened, and are putting out fires for a good part of the day.
My dd, with ALOT of support from us and many resources like CC, has done it all on her own. You should read everything you can about the process- there are many good books out there, and if you search CC, you will find threads giving great lists of these if you haven't gotten these resources already.
The main thing the GC needed to do for my dd was make sure the counselor's reports got in for apps, and the transcripts. She gave her GC a "resume" as an aide for this, and they asked for a parent "brag sheet" which allowed us to clarify an extensive outside EC as well.
Good luck- just be very informed along the way, and CC will help with your burgeoning question list!</p>

<p>We had one meeting with College GC in Feb last year, parents and D. After that my D went to College GC office herself many times.One piece of useful ingo GC provided is list of colleges strong in this or that major, specifically related to our school, meaning that college representaives come to our school and colleges are familiar with our students. She also was able to evaluate my D chances at this or that school.
Again, we are talking about big public school.</p>

<p>wow, cangel, your college counselling program sounds fantastic! In My D's, a very small private school, it's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. They had 3 very good information sessions (two in the jr and one in the sr year) about testing, apps, etc. Parents were expected to make appts with the CC if they wanted. My D's CC never "officially" met with her, but asked her her list in the hallway at the beginning of senior year. The other juniors had CC 'classes' twice a week during free period in the junior year in which they did self-directed writing (lists of adjectives, answering questions about EC's, wants, desires, etc.) and discussed colleges, but my D never had a free period so never had these meetings. We met with the CC near the end of the junior year and this was the only time we did. Many parents met time after time after time and placed multiple phone calls to the CC. We approached the meeting as "information gathering" on our part and the part of the CC and felt that it was very productive. Here's what I recommend:</p>

<p>1) Go in with the "information gathering" attitude. Have a very preliminary idea what your kid's likes and dislikes are re: type of college if he/she already knows: 1) small vs. medium vs. big; 2) LAC vs. uni; 3) East coast/west coast/middle; 4) 4 seasons vs. lotsa cold vs. lotsa hot; 5) if your kid has a very specific need, let the CC know...i.e., wants to play Div I soccer, must have good on-site programs for learning disability, wants a conservative Baptist school, etc. If you've visited a few places which your kid liked or disliked, let the CC know and know why. Let the CC know whether or not your kid will need financial aid or merit aid. And if you have $$ constraints as to how much you can afford to spend on tuition, etc, you may need to keep that in mind as you consider the types of colleges you will allow your kid to apply to. E.g., if you are not eligible for FA but only can spend $20K/year for college, then it wouldn't be useful to consider schools with no merit aid and a cost of $40K/year. You don't need to share $$ amount with the CC, but you might share your concerns and ask for names of schools with price within a certain range.</p>

<p>2) If your kid already has some schools in mind, do your homework ahead of time on the USNews Premium website college edition to see if he/she is "in the ballpark" for the schools stats-wise. Try to get a feel from the CC what he/she thinks are appropriate schools for your child. My D had several schools she'd looked at, some of which we thought were "too high" for her, but the CC told us that her list was "appropriate" for her. Go to LISTEN to the CC, not to preach. If the CC thinks the list is "too high" or "too low" they may be right or wrong. You can figure that out as time goes on.</p>

<p>3) If your kid has ideas about majors/interests, ask the CC what schools or what "other" schools your kid might want to look at. This was very helpful for us and two of the schools ended up on our D's list that she might not otherwise have considered.</p>

<p>4) This is the time to ask questions about testing and other requirements since your child will start standardized testing this spring. ALSO, make sure you ask about the "school profile" that is sent to the colleges with each secondary school report and see if you can get a copy. This usually has a representative list of colleges that kids from your high school have enrolled at and will explain how your school reports things like GPA (weighted vs. unweighted), class rank, how many APs are offered, how many kids go on to 4 year colleges etc. Our CC office actually made copies of this and passed it out at the first junior parent session. They also passed out copies of lists of colleges attended by the HS kids for the past 5 years grouped by quintiles by GPA: Kids with A to A- avg enrolled at these schools, kids with B+ to B enrolled at these other schools, etc. Some high schools use Naviance, an on-line database with scatterplots of GAP/SAT or ACT score and the college acceptance/rejection/waitlist result. Our school doesn't do this but the examples I've seen on-line from other schools looked quite helpful.</p>

<p>I know this was lengthy, but I hope you find it helpful. Best of luck in this upcoming year!</p>

<p>My son's GC -- who was phenomenal (she retired last year) -- did her best work when she got me to believe (gently and nicely) that this process belonged to my S... ultimately, it wasn't my job, nor (once finances had been clarified) was it my choice. My S worked well and extensively w/his GC--he really loved her. THe fact that she always made time for me when I asked, and spent considerable time w/me at that initial meeting you're heading into, gets her great gold stars in my book...taking time for parents when she spent the kind of time she spent w/the kids was way past her working day hours! </p>

<p>Sounds like the info packet (including the parent letter w/input for the GC) is pretty standard. Given that, I'm going to guess you may well get the same message (hopefully delivered just as nicely) that I did: the college search and choice "belongs" to the student. Yes, we parents are interested and get to comment...but first priority for the GC would be to respond to the student. She'd answer my questions if S wouldn't (mostly, S would), but I should ask S first--he would certainly know because she & he would have been over it and through it. And that's exactly how it worked. </p>

<p>She was terrific, and her guidance of me helped me avoid being a "helicopter mom" (mostly, anyway), and made my S a whole lot more willing to share his thinking w/me once I "got" that it was HIS process, not mine...</p>

<p>To paraphrase Princess Di: There are three people in this marriage, the parent, the student and the GC and somebody’s got to take the lead. Ideally it should be the student. If you have a self motivating, aggressively interested kid, then exhale and don’t worry about the process. Second choice, it should be the counselor. If you have a knowledgeable, articulate, well connected GC, then you can be assured that your child will get good advice – timely, accurate and suited to his/her needs. </p>

<p>Then there are the rest of us – parents of kids who are eager but ill equipped to take ownership of the process (at least at the initial stages) with counselors who are at best inexperienced and at worst clueless or lazy or overburdened. In that case, by default, the parent has to step into the fore. Not take over, but take the lead. </p>

<p>You’ll be able to assess your GC after your meeting. If you’re comfortable with his/her guidance, then fine, you only need to supplement and enhance it. If, on the other hand, s/he a loser, then you’ll need a strategy. </p>

<p>Even the most incompetent GC won’t like his/her shortcomings pointed out by a “psycho stalker mom.” :) So sit back, don't criticize, ask a lot of unthreatening questions, determine what the GC can and can’t (or won't) do for your child, then proceed merrily to do it yourselves!</p>

<p>If you are looking at a Service Academy, its a good idea to work directly with the Academy and they will hook you up with an admissions representative in your area. At USNA they are called Blue and Gold Officers. They will help you with the process and also make recomendations to the admission boards. </p>

<p>If you want more information there is a U.S. Service Academy section on CC that is very helpful.</p>

<p>yes Quiltguru, we do have the Cadillac of counseling. She's a sweet, savvy woman with an assistant!!! 140 seniors, and only about 1/3 apply to other than 1 or 2 rolling admit schools (Not that she doesn't work with those kids too, some of them have parents who have expected Little junior to go to Auburn since he was born, and don't understand that they actually require a B average!). She works one on one with the 30 or so left who are applying to schools requiring essays, and she's done it for years. Prior to this (like 15-20 years ago) she was an adcom!
There is some self-starting in this process, too, though. We won't meet with her as much when our son comes through, unless he ends up as one of those teetering on the edge B/C kids - a real possibility :o. We were heavy consumers, doing all the recommended private meetings as well as the group parent meeting both junior and senior year. She has been known to track down the kid who needs to do an essay!</p>