Hello.
I’m a senior and I’m just really really stressed about college admissions and I was hoping for some advice/perspective from people who have gone through it.
I was denied from my ED school, which is not the end of the world since it’s extremely selective. But I guess I just lost a lot of confidence (about getting rejected instead of deferred) because I keep thinking there’s something tremendously wrong with my apps and that I’m not going to get in anywhere now. I’m scared to try for more reach schools because it’s even harder RD.
My next top choice is Occidental, which statistically I have a good shot at. But I submitted it RD really early–back in September–and now I went back and found 2 typos and a grammar error. I just started crying because my whole angle is about how much I love writing and editing the school paper and now I’m just going to look like a fraud because I couldn’t even properly edit my own app. I just got too excited about submitting quickly. My mom told me not to rush and I regret not listening to her. And I’ve changed my Common App essay a bit since then and I keep seeing all the places where it’s better now but I submitted the worse version.
I know I’m overthinking everything but I’m just so stressed. I really hate this process so much. Holistic admissions means they’re not just rejecting my grades and test scores but also my character, motivation, insight, and tenacity and just the overall holistic essence of me is not enough.
I guess I’m just being entitled because I want the best of both worlds: I didn’t work hard enough to get A’s in high school and it’s catching up to me now, but I still want to go to a “top” school where everyone is motivated and got good HS grades.
As you can see there are lotsa feelings going on in me at the moment. Any advice would be appreciated.
First words of advice: Touch center and forgive yourself.
Next: Those few errors on your application to Occidental will not undo a fair review. Can one assume you were both the copy and content editor of the school newspaper? If so, yes, you set a tone going in for a level of attentiveness to detail that you may not have displayed in the work you submitted to the college, but the adults who read your application will recognize that you are yet to be an adult; yet to reach a point where you can claim mastery over something, though you are well on your way. It really is not going to be the only point of consideration the admissions committee will consider when your application is reviewed.
Most concerning is the level of stress you know you are putting yourself under right now. Try to calm down and know that for the other applications you have put forth the best effort and presentation of your true strengths and interest in the schools to which you applied.
One thing I would have you think about at this time, and ask yourself to consider, as you reconcile seeking to attend a “top” school while acknowledging that you did not put forth the very best effort to do your very best in high school is this: One must wonder what you truly expect your outcomes to be in light of that, versus your hopes.
There is still time to apply to other schools, I believe, if all of those to which you applied are among the most selective.
“Holistic admissions means they’re not just rejecting my grades and test scores but also my character, motivation, insight, and tenacity and just the overall holistic essence of me is not enough.”
No, this is not right.
Perhaps some aspects of your academic ‘fit’ for the schools to which you have applied will need buttressing by some of your strengths and talents, and find you receiving the acceptance you desire. But absolutely nothing about this process should translate to you an absolute rejection of the essence of yourself. The reviews and assessments will recognize where you are now, and whether you have genuinely started down the path of where you have sought to go, or if you need more time to prepare to be on the path to those schools. It’s all about preparation and then that bit of mystery most of us here can only guess at.
My daughter faced a lot of stress at this time last year. And she got rejected from her number one and number two schools-- it did quite a job on her self esteem.
What helped her was:
a) a pity party with ice cream therapy as needed. You’re allowed to be upset, allowed to grieve. But it has a 24 hour time limit. Then it’s time to move on. Send out more applications, regroup, whatever.
b) The Mantra: “You will bloom where you’re planted.” You need to find schools where you have a good chance of acceptance, where you know you’ll fit in, where you’ll be happy to live and learn and grow. She found such a school almost accidentally. She applied after not getting in to her first 2 choices, sight unseen. We went up in February of last year to visit after she got accepted, and she fell in love. She just finished her first semester, and is literally counting the days (18) until she can return to school.
My question is why you’re looking at more “reach” schools. At this point in the process, I would be concentrating very solidly on safeties.
For what it’s worth, she’s been talking lately about getting a tattoo of a flower… she wants to always remind herself that she will, indeed, “bloom where she’s planted.”
Do you feel like you applied (or will be applying to) a mix of reaches, matches and safeties? If no, then make finding some matches and safeties to apply to your main priority. If yes, then I think your best bet is to try to find something else to focus on while you wait for your results - get involved in a new extracurricular, start a new workout program, something, anything to take up more of your time.
Waiting or application decisions is an incredibly stressful time for all students but particularly for students who have an early rejection so your feelings are certainly understandable. My daughter did NOT get into ANY of her top choices despite stellar academics and a seemingly strong holistic application. She begrudgingly went to one of the 3 state schools to which she was accepted and is in their Honors College. She’s finished her first semester and absolutely LOVES it. You can be happy at someplace other than the school that you ED’d too if you allow yourself to be happy there. Good luck!
Stop looking at your application. It’s done and you can’t change it. Virtually every kid has a typo or a grammar error. They do not care, because they aren’t grading your work.
If you are worried you haven’t got a college that you will certainly get into, apply to one with rolling admissions so that you have somewhere firm to attend if all else fails. That takes a lot of pressure away.
If you applied to the right balance of safety, match and reach schools, you will end up where you are meant to be.
It’s late for you, but a lot of students start with an application to a rolling admissions school in September. They usually hear quickly. Having an acceptance under their belt allows them to approach the next few months in a more relaxed state.
The next best thing is to apply to a sufficient number of match and likely schools before applying to the reaches (or at least have those applications ready to go right after your ED app is sent). You can’t eliminate college application stress altogether, but having a selection of schools you know you can get into, you know you’d be happy to attend, and you know that you can afford is, on the whole, far less stressful than applying to reach schools to which you aren’t solidly qualified.
I know it is harder to deal with this over the break. Hopefully when school and ECs start up again, you’ll have enough diversions to take away some of the stress.
Selective colleges are filling a limited number of spaces. They have goals of their own such as assembling a balanced class (they want engineers, musicians, kids dedicated to volunteering, etc). so they have to make selections. It is not an exact science, but they have to make decisions anyway. They have not somehow weighed your “character, motivation, insight, and tenacity.” Colleges are not judging souls. They have just made choices in what they’d be the first to admit is a cloud of uncertainty. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Taking it very personally attributes to these decisions more meaning than it carries.
“I still want to go to a “top” school where everyone is motivated”
There will be many very good students at every school that you applied to, including all of the UCs and CSUs. There might be some other students that are not as motivated, but you can find your group of motivated students. The non-motivated students will tend to either disappear or turn into motivated students as you get into upper year courses.
From a different thread it looks like you applied to a good range of schools. Some (UCB, UCLA, Brown) are reaches, but some are much more solid safeties and matches.
Relax. Being turned down by Brown was expected. They have very limited number of slots and like all Ivy League universities have a lot of highly qualified applicants. Having to wait for a while is also expected – it is still early in the process.
I am pretty sure that the acceptances are going to start rolling in over the next couple of months.
I agree that this process is much more stressful than it needs to be, and much more stressful than it is in other countries. However, neither you nor I get to change the process. You will get your acceptances. You also of course realize that you live in a state with a great community college system and a great process for transferring from CC to university. However, it is not going to come to that because your acceptances will come in over time.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Even for the most careful and thorough applicant like my son, he found a grammatical error only upon hitting that submit button. But, after the initial “oopsie” moment, he moved on never giving it another thought. You can look at it this way: such errors tell the Adcoms two things: that you’re a human being and that you wrote the essay yourself, not some professional that your parents hired. Your admissions chances are not hinged on the perfect grammatical usage, so relax.
As for dealing with your stress: if your mind is not on your admission chances, then there’d be no stress. Therefore, try to get your mind off of it by doing things that you enjoy. Don’t hang around with your high school friends who only talk incessantly about their chances, either. Get off your favorite social media as often as you can, too. At least until the whole thing’s over with.
You’ve gotten so much good advice, so I just want to say as a mom of another senior, I am sending you a huge cyber hug. This process is stressful and dragged out, but it will be done in a few months and you really will end up where you should be. So give yourself a huge pat on the back for being as amazing, qualified and driven as you are and try to do something to take the edge off. Know we’re all rooting for you!!! xo xo
As long as you applied to a good mix of reach, match, and safety schools that appear affordable and that you would be excited to attend then things will turn out just fine.
Thank you all for your support and advice. I did apply to a good mix of schools and I do know that I will be fine. It was a panicked moment I guess. Have a great new year xo