<p>This will no doubt endear me (not) yet further with the female posters but - beware the girl drama. There are times when the student calls up in tears, upset, nothing’s going right, etc., which is enough to put one or both parents in a state of angst with stomachs knotted and sleep not forthcoming, only to find out when you talk to her the next day everything’s perfectly fine - that was just a temporary crisis that disappeared in the night.</p>
<p>Take care to not get too embroiled in the drama or to identify with it too much and take it on yourself - it’s best to be a sounding board offering bits of hope and small nuggets of wisdom borne from experience and let it go the course where it’ll no doubt correct itself before you know it.</p>
<p>I feel your pain! My DD (my oldest) was not happy with her college decision and did not want to go. We moved her in 1.5 weeks ago… she was miserable, lots of painful tears for my typically stoic kid. I was miserable too. On move in day, as much as I wanted to do and say more, I simply told her she would be fine, it was only a semester. Fast forward to today. She did not rush, but she has met a few people, and had some fun moments. She is not ecstatic, but is not as miserable. We talked last night. I asked how she was feeling and she said “Oh Mom, you know I was gonna love college, even though I didn’t want to go here.” So my advice is to stay calm, keep reassuring her that she can manage til the holiday, and encourage her to experiment with the different groups or clubs she’s interested in on campus. Good luck! Its not easy on the student or the Mom!!!</p>
<p>I found that I was more homesick when I talked to my parents. It made me miss home more when I heard about pets, local events, etc. so it may be best to limit calls. Encourage her to keep meeting people. Friends will change after orientation, she will find some friends, granted that she is not sitting in her room talking to mom.</p>
<p>Yep Glad - you were right about endearing the females but not right about the drama- women students tend to express themselves more and seek help, men students tend to keep it all bottled up inside and not seek help. do they both suffer? yes, but the parents feel better with the guys because they often never know how they are feeling.</p>
<p>Most schools have a lot of social activities (most are really fun too!) going on during the first week or two. I recommend her trying to go to one of those to meet people.</p>
<p>And I know it will be hard to go alone, not knowing anyone. I am actually in the same situation. I am going to a college for the first time this year, where I do not know anyone. I am actually forcing myself to attend a couple of these events (against my fears) to try and meet new people. One of the events was asking for volunteers to help out; so I am doing that so at least if I feel socially awkward, I can just focus on helping :)</p>
<p>Great Advice KYParent. just wondering, does this happen more with girls than boys?<br>
Additional advice, tell her, because no one knows her, its a great opportunity to “change” herself. My son just told me that he felt free to say hi to people he didn’t know and strike up conversations, because in high school, he knew everyone from grade school and everyone was in cliques and it was hard for him to break into different social groups. Not knowing anyone is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself and remember, everyone is in the same position, even though it looks like they already know each other, they might have just met two days ago.</p>
<p>Going away to college and getting through a difficult first semester is a growth experience. It will make your D stronger for facing difficult transitions in the future.</p>
<p>Nine years ago we took our D to college 1,000 miles from home. She did not know anyone there. She had her 18th birthday the first week of classes, and it wasn’t a positive experience at all. She lived in a co-ed dorm with an ineffective RA and no friendly girls around. </p>
<p>But soon she made friends within her major and found her way. She talks now about how glad she is that she didn’t stay in-state for college with high school friends. Fast forward a few years–she drove herself (and her dog) to another state to start medical school. </p>
<p>Be understanding, but try not to let her issues be your issues. She is on her own path now and has to find her own way.</p>
<p>Find a friend to cry with :)… Let her share her feelings ( they are real) and encourage her to hang in there. Soon she will be busy and get used to the routine.</p>
<p>Years ago my S went away to school at the same time my friend’s child went away as well. Each of them would call their moms- all homesick and we- the moms- would call each other for support. By the time any one of us called our kids back- they were fine. Seems that venting to us was helpful to them, and we had to manage our reaction.</p>
<p>It’s hard to see our kids go through this, but learning to manage on their own is part of growth. </p>
<p>Dropped D off at college yesterday. Received tearful call at 10:35pm from her begging to come home, wondering what “we” were thinking sending her away to school and how come she had to live away from home if she had such a wonderful home and parents and friends who loved her. She also mentioned that there was not going to be anyone at her new school who could possibly ever be her friend as they were all so different than her. It would be sort of funny if her grief and tears weren’t so real. I talked her ‘down’ for an hour and at the end managed to convince her that things would get better, probably even as soon as she got a good night’s sleep as she was probably close to exhausted. Moving into her (non air-conditioned) dorm was a long, hot stressful day. This was proceeded with days of shopping, packing, organizing and long tearful goodbyes with friends and boyfriend. </p>
<p>She is attending a pre-orientation event so only about 1/2 the freshman were moved in and her roommate won’t be there until orientation. </p>
<p>What I finally told her and what really kind of worked was for her, was I told her to just go ahead and cry all she wanted right now. I told her that once her roommate was there she probably wouldn’t be able to cry so freely so to go ahead and just indulge herself right now. H and I also realized on the drive home that D has really never been away from home before. She did a week of camp when she was 11 (and hated it) and did Girl’s State last summer which was a week away from home and she was homesick for the first 3 days of that. So the reality of leaving her home and her parents and her friends and the city she has lived in her whole life to move an HOUR away was a little overwhelming for her.</p>
<p>I also read her excepts from many web forums about homesick college students. The recurring theme with almost every forum and post I read her is that in the end everyone survives and almost all of them love college and make wonderful friends.</p>
<p>But the main thing I did was just talk to her for about an hour. In the end she was finally sleepy and just wanted to go to sleep. What I wanted was for her to just go to sleep and wake up and hopefully feel better. I told her to call me again tonight and let me know how her day went.</p>
<p>Moving, at any age, is hard, I think. You don’t know anyone, where anything is, etc. The three times I’ve moved as an “adult” (for college, my masters, and–just this past weekend!–my PhD), I’ve started out wondering what the heck I was thinking and if I really should have done this. You start out feeling like you don’t have any friends or since of belonging because, frankly, you don’t. The important thing is not to wallow in that and to just get out and do thing you enjoy to meet people.</p>
<p>Also, I think I had unrealistic expectations re: meeting “forever friends” when I went off to college, as my mom’s best friend to this day is the first person she met at college. In my case, while I had friends freshman year, I didn’t meet my reallly close “I can call you at 3am” friends until sophomore year (FWIW, I met my close friends–as well as many other friends–in college through my sorority).</p>
<p>Each of my three went away to college 15-20 hours away from home. It took one most of the first semester to get comfortable, but she stuck it out. The boys had an easier time. But it took awhile to adjust. The first week or so is the best time to meet kids. I remember one trick my son used: he popped microwave popcorn and left his door open. You could smell it all through his floor, and everyone would follow the scent! He met a lot of kids that way (and shared a lot of popcorn!)</p>
<p>Tell her to think of some lines/questions to break the ice with a classmate as she’s leaving class the first week or two, like whether it seemed interesting or if the prof will be a hard grader. And remind her to smile and make eye contact–it makes her more approachable for people that are feeling the same as she is but may not show it. I hope all turns out well.</p>
<p>Making a batch of chocolate chip cookies is good too! Friends you never knew you had will crawl out of holes…In fact my son took a box of mix with him to start his second year because it worked so well the first time around.</p>
<p>Bottom line, when college is over she will wish she could go back to the best 4 years of her life and do it again. Most likely the best friends she will ever have in her lifetime she will soon be meeting. The most fun she will ever have could happen at any moment. And every September a new group of potential friends will be arriving. Tell her to smile and say hello. Is it too late for me to go back to college? My daughter will be going in 2 years.</p>
<p>A girl in my son’s senior class chose a school in the southeast, clear across the country from home in CA. She is an outgoing person, a bright student, good grades, etc. and received substantial merit aid from this private school. It was her first choice. I remember her telling me how excited she was to be accepted, how she loved it…And…she is already home! Her parents flew out there with her Monday to move her in. Wednesday when parents were leaving, the girl fell apart, said she’d made a terrible mistake, couldn’t stand to be so far away. They packed her back up and all flew home. Now she is hoping to get a few classes lined up at the local JC. We are all stunned – didn’t expect that of this particular student.</p>
<p>OP, I think I’d tell your daughter to give it a good shot for a semester. That’s a fair test. Everyone here offers great suggestions. By winter break she might be settled in and happy to be where she is. But if not, she can leave, having earned some credits in the mean time.</p>
<p>I’m emailing my kid photos from home. Things like “Oh, look neighbor’s moved in. They’re not gonna last,” or “Oh look, dog threw up. This is the throw-up,” and “This is mom clippin’ her toenails. Look how lovely Mom’s feet are.” You know, gross stuff.</p>