<p>I am 20 years old (about to be 21 on the 31st) and in college and my parents still treat me like I am a child. I stay in a one bedroom apartment on campus, I have been working on going for two years, I pay for my own food and basic necessities, and I also pay my own Credit card bills. They are wanting me to download an app where they can keep tabs on me basically by knowing my location 24/7. My dad basically ordered me to download the app and keep it on regardless and it really pissed me off!!!! I'm tired of them treating me like a child and there is no need for them to want to know where I am all the time!!!! I even asked to pay my own bill today and my father refused until I graduate from college, which is the dumbest thing I have ever heard! I share a family plan with them so I am going to separate from that and pay my own phone bill soon. I know this is long but please give me some advice, I'm planning on speaking out to them but they never want to hear!!!</p>
<p>Unfortunately, if your parents are paying for college, or your financial aid depends on their cooperation with financial aid forms, you have no power in this situation. If that is the case, graduate from college, get a job (or be self-supporting in a funded PhD program if that is your goal), and then dump the parental leash when they have no power over you.</p>
<p>@ucbalumnus they do not pay for my college at all. I work I provide everything for myself without the help of them. I have proven my ability to care for myself. I’m a Senior now.</p>
<p>My experience as a parent is sometimes kids want to be treated as an “adult” (in whatever form that takes at the time) but aren’t always able to approach the situation or issue as an adult. Think about why your parents might be demanding this. Are they overprotective or is there some reason why they might actually be legitimately worried about you? Certainly at your age they need to be cutting the strings - regardless of how hard that is - but you also need to understand that you are close to being an adult, but not 100% of the way there. Show them how close you are by sitting down and talking with them. Think through the conversation ahead of time and be calm and reasonable. But be sure to allow them to share their opinions and position. Then help them understand yours and work with them to find a compromise. If at that point you still don’t get anywhere, I would recommend biting the bullet on the phone and either get the app and just accept it, or be ready to get and pay for your own phone. Temporarily I would opt for the first option given the cost. </p>
<p>It is likely your parents might always be this way. Part of family is acceptance! My mother in law would have that app for her two sons who are both over 50 if she could, but luckily she isn’t willing to pay the for a smart phone. </p>
<p>That is really overly controlling. It may be time to have a meeting and present him with a little talk about how if he is going to be in your life there has to be reasonableness or you will have to distance yourself from them to protect yourself and allow you to be your own independent person with an adult relationship with them. You will not talk about this again, you will simply do it. You will call to say hello on holidays.</p>
<p>Or you can just say that you are 21 now, so that is not his decision to make, sorry Father but that is inappropriate to the autonomy a young adult needs, and overly controlling and I won’t be doing that. I will call you each Sunday.</p>
<p>Or, if you really wish to avoid the confrontation. Download it and leave the phone in your apartment always. Get your own phone on your own plan and pay for it. I also was on my own mother’s plan for convenience until recently. She began nagging me about not picking the phone up and monitoring if I was calling relative back, so I cancelled it. So I guess part of being independent in this case is to get your own phone. It’s his problem if he refuses to cancel the other one.</p>
<p>It boggles my mind that anyone would say to just do it on allowing parents 24/7 access to the wherabouts of s legal adult who is paying her own way through college. For that matter, even if she was NOT, when did it become ok for parents of young adults to basically stalk their kids? We went to college when it wasn’t even possible to call home once a day without a high expense, IF you could find a phone. Now we say we can force our kids to be tethered to us? I cannot agree.</p>
<p>OP, you may need to change phone numbers to do it, but many of the carriers have pay-as-you-go plans now where the cost of a new phone is folded into the payments. I would get a new plan and then your parents won’t be able to force you to add the app. And I say this as a parent.You father can keep your old line until you’re 50 if he wants, but you don’t have to use it. You are self-supporting and obviously know how to make mature decisions since you ARE self-supporting while going to college.</p>
<p>Talk to your parents calming if you can, but tell them you have a right to privacy and you will not be downloading the app. If they pull some card about how much they care about you, tell them that you know that, and you certainly care about them, but you are an adult who has been making your own decisions for a few years now and this is the next step-to pay for your own phone and service. You’ll let them know what is going on with your life but that they do not need to know where you are every second, anymore than you need to know where THEY are. Good luck.</p>
<p>Agree with the above post, but if that doesn’t work. Here is plan B. </p>
<p>Get a new phone in your name, new number. Give the number to your close friends. Don’t tell them. </p>
<p>Get the app. Leave the old phone plugged in at your apartment. </p>
<p>Oh goodness, I would be pretty mad too. I’m really impressed that you have your own apartment and job and pay off your school all by yourself. You pretty much are an adult already, not just because you’re 20, but look at how independent you are. I know of one, maybe two college students who are that independent, lol.</p>
<p>I agree, they are being extremely overprotective, but most parents worry about their children. Do you go to school far away from home? My parents aren’t nearly as protective, but at the same time my college isn’t even an hour away by car. Try talking to them and expressing your opinions calmly and hear them out too. Maybe you can come to a compromise.</p>
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<p>In this case, they can only bully you if you let them.</p>
<p>You’re an adult, they have no control over you. If you don’t want to do something, don’t. One of the wonders of being an adult. However, with that comes adult consequences of possibly strained or damaged relations with your parents. You have to decide whether or not that’s worth it. </p>
<p>Is this like the Find My Friends app? Do they really want to stalk you or are they worried about the “omg how do we find her if she gets kidnapped/mugged/etc” scenario?
A lot of times over-protective parents are simply afraid for their kids and need reassurance. If you don’t have that app, is there any way that your parents know you are still alive - do you call or text them regularly or do you basically ignore them unless you need something?
Part of being an adult is realizing that relationships are a two-way street.</p>
<p>Let us assume they are somewhat reasonable parents (which may or may not be the case).<br>
How often do you contact them (directly or indirectly?) Do you use apps like Facebook or Instagram where they can see what you are up to? DO you call/text them on any kind of regular basis?</p>
<p>“Dad, I am an adult. I won’t be downloading that app. How are the local sports team doing this year?”</p>
<p>I agree with @Poohbah29. </p>
<p>If you do get the app, it will give your parents some reassurance and won’t affect your life at all. What’s the harm?</p>
<p>I disagree. This young lady is an adult paying her own way and owes no one else, not even her parents an accounting of where she is every minute of every day. The harm here is the parents checking the app and demanding their D tell them why she was on X street at Y time, or at A store/restaurant on B day/time and who she was with, what she was doing, and then holding it against her if she doesn’t want to tell them. You don’t really think this would end with her just adding the app, do you? It’s all about CONTROL, and this is a way of controlling her even though she is quite literally on her own now.</p>
<p>There are cheap phones and services are getting cheaper and cheaper. I think she should call their bluff and get her own line. As I said above, I am a parent. I have a kid with a great head on her shoulders and even at almost 15 I do not need to know where she is at every second. EVERYONE deserves privacy. The only time I would ever consider this would be if I had a child who was disabled and prone to wander or was so untrustworthy that I needed to keep tabs on them. But in the latter case, they wouldn’t have a phone anyway because I’d have taken it away.</p>
<p>That is not healthy at all. There is no reason to monitor your adult child 24/7. Even if they were paying for your college, it would not be appropriate. That being said, if you cannot reach a compromise with them, then your only option would be to get your own phone. </p>
<p>I don’t believe the posters who are encouraging a grown woman to follow her dad’s “order(s)” and download an app that will allow him to keep track of her 24/7. Where are the adult boundaries? Would you encourage the behavior if it was a boyfriend or husband who had given the “order”? I agree with @sseamom. Locate an inexpensive phone and get a cheap plan until you can afford something else. </p>
<p>I also think @Poohbah29 and @stressedouttt are way off the mark. My first reaction to your post was that you should ask them to let you track both of them 24/7 and see how they like it. But that could backfire, of course. Better to stick to the essentials, as @BrownParent and others have said. I wouldn’t even do the “leave the phone with the app in your apartment” thing. That is deceptive for no reason, because you are in the right.</p>
<p>If you are up to it, I would just point out to them that the more they try and treat you like a little girl, the more they are actually pushing you away and forcing you to hide things from them, and that the ultimate result might be estrangement. Yes, there is risk that the relationship will be strained. If you are not willing to take that risk, then deception or capitulation are your only choices. But the underlying premise of your post is that you are willing to take a risk to further establish boundaries. That is what I did when I was going to college, and it worked out fine. But I don’t know your parents or any cultural influences that might be at play here. Your choice, but true adulthood and relative independence requires that you stick to what you think is right.</p>
<p>@Kgamer2 - If your parents are literally paying for nothing (no student loans, whatever), what’s stopping you from buying your own cell phone plan and just not listening to them?</p>
<p>I guess I have another take on this. All of us in our family are on the same phone plan, including our college age kids (one in grad school). We do have a tracker app in place. The kids have absolutely no problem with it. They know we really don’t use it to scout their whereabouts, but rather to have an idea where to look for them if the are overdue for coming home. I think it’s a great thing. Maybe it’s the intent of it’s use that is the problem and not the app. </p>
<p>But Electro, this student doesn’t LIVE at home! Unless you require knowing when your kids arrive at their dorms or apartments, I don’t see why YOU need this app either, unless they all still live at home. Why would any parent want that kind of control over their kids? If they are not living at home, they do not have to check in with mommy and daddy-period. There are very, very few colleges that even have a curfew, and certainly no apartments do. </p>
<p>I wonder if your kids really don’t mind or if they’re just going along to keep peace. When we went to college, moved out on our own and started families, our parents did not know where we were at any given time. Somehow we managed to become productive adults without our parents basically tethering themselves to us.I cannot imagine making a legal adult, even one living at home, allow me to keep tabs on where they are. </p>