African-americans self segregating at BS

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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<p>In another post someone mentioned that while visiting they noticed than many African-Americans we 'self-segregating' on campus. </p>

<p>I will admit that for many minority children bs is something very new. If you are from the midwest, where only "bad" kids go to bs, they have little support from their friends and family. If they are first generation bs students it is also difficult when even your experiences are new to your parents. Many of these students have similar issues that first generation college students have.</p>

<p>It is also difficult to be new anywhere bs is no different. </p>

<p>In any situation, most times we want to gravitate towards anything that is familiar to us. For African-Americans it is usually each other, those that look like them. For others it is their sports mates, in my d's case it is other dancers. It is already really tough being a teenager, thus being away from home, schooling and living with a new group of people, often for the first time surrounded by others who are as smart or smarter than they are...etc...it is tough and a bit scary.</p>

<p>As a minority parent, I researched and read many accounts of minorities in situations that are very new. I worked very hard with my d to explain to her how and why assimilation into the entire community was not only needed but expected. I believe most minority parents dont or arent able to get their teens to understand the importance of this life long skill. </p>

<p>What can others do? Parents make sure you teach and discuss the idea of inclusion. Students, just have a conversation with someone that doesnt look like you. You will find that regardless of the visual you will have more in common that you believe. Join different kids in the dinning hall or while watching a sporting event. </p>

<p>My d's school is focusing on inclusion this year, they discuss it at school and I reinforce it from home. </p>

<p>With a little support from the parents, and effort from all students the 'self-segregating' on campus will decrease and a more unifying community will emerge and thrive.</p>

<p>Just my 2 cents.</p>

<p>Comments and vieiwpoints welcome.</p>

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<p>Oh, You are so preaching to the choir. </p>

<p>To play devil’s advocate: white students can “segregate” easily because of sheer numbers and not be called out for it. But when we do it for similar reasons it’s considered suspect. That’s the “Catch 22” in all of this. The reality is - some experiences are shared and common. Can be expressed without overt statements. So there are times when bonding with people of a similar culture can be a great positive. I can talk to my hubby about some things and he’s already got the reference point and the “database” that forms the foundation of my comment. </p>

<p>On the other hand, my D talked about intentionally avoiding the segregated tables because her friends back home were multi- cultural and multi-economic (Russian, German, Chinese, rich, poor, etc…) The photos on her Facebook page from the Xmas “reunion” was pretty much a rainbow.</p>

<p>Because she didn’t come to BS through A Better Chance or Prep for Prep many minority kids knew each other before they entered the school. They labeled her as the “rich kid.” (she’s not by a long shot.) And rich kids avoided her because she wasn’t rich enough (or at least that’s what she thought.) She wasn’t “black enough” for the black kids, or “white enough” for the white kids. </p>

<p>It took her a month of being worried about fitting in until she realized there were other misfit, mislabeled kids at the school who were experiencing the same angst. The secret society for the prevention of zombies, for example. There were also “groups” where she shared an interest: the dancers, the theatre group, the musicians. The Latin kids and the debaters. Now she’s back to laughing and giggling and conspiring. This past holiday she went through the school’s student directory and gave us a running commentary on just about every student listed. Even the school commented on the grade report on how quickly she’d adapted to the environment.</p>

<p>But you know what - the interesting thing is when she got to the AA faces, in almost every case she said “she (or he’s) nice to me.” So she had taken our advice to be herself, seek out a wide swath of friends with similar interests, and not worry about fitting in. When she did that, the other kids began to seek her out and her “fortunes” changed. But when I look at who her closest friends are - they’re mostly international. </p>

<p>I do think that most BS URM parents, in particular, understand on a visceral level, that if their students don’t learn to navigate in a world where the majority of people do NOT look like them, then they’ll struggle when it comes time to migrating into that world. That’s why they send their kids to boarding school But some parents are scared their children will lose their cultural identity. Or be exposed to wealth that can’t be recreated at home. So they inadvertently teach “safety in numbers.” </p>

<p>Don’t you think that’s a psychological remnant from the days when we couldn’t walk alone out of fear of being attacked?</p>

<p>I just tell my daughter - kids who fail to learn how to work in a diverse cultural environment - will not be competition for her when she applies to college or for a job. Those kids will be looking in the window wondering why the world is leaving them behind. It starts with their parents, peers, and some school faculty teaching them to stay with their own kind. To not risk going outside the boundaries. To make “safe” choices.</p>

<p>And it reinforces the very things that make it nearly impossible for them to succeed. </p>

<p>I do know that Taft urges parents and students (of all backgrounds) to branch out. The Multicultural Affairs Department now covers students of all ethnicities, rather than hosting segregated get togethers. I find that encouraging that they are being proactive and walking the talk. Their student clubs travel the world and are pretty diversified.</p>

<p>Your daughter has taken your philosophy to heart will have skills and opportunities others merely dream of because she’s not afraid to think broadly about her peers. Others will have to learn their lessons the hard way, I guess.</p>

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<p>My son, who’s AA, has a group of friends from a wide variety of backgrounds and this seems to be the case with most kids on campus. Sounds great, right? Here’s where it gets interesting.</p>

<p>On Friday, GS hosted a huge party for teens of an organization in the area that promotes healthy and fun experiences for children with disabilities. Usually, campus parties are very crowded and well attended but curiously, when polled earlier about their Friday night plans, many of the usual “partygoers” had more urgent and pressing matters (I imagine them engaging in endless rounds of COD or trying out a new shampoo/conditioner). Son attended the party as did many other students and from what he tells me, ALL the kids had an amazing time. I guess the pavlovian response for most teens to techno beats and colorful lights is universal. What’s sad is that some students of color as well as some international students chose not to attend. Now, perhaps there were legitimate reasons; some may have gone home, others may have had to complete a major assignment but I think it had much more to do with issues of perceptions and identity. </p>

<p>Alex825mom mentioned researching many accounts of minorities in situations that are very new. I would offer that, in this instance, for many students of color and int’l students, going from historical paradigm of the “invitee” to the “inviter” is very new indeed. I think it speaks volumes about the need to identify often overlooked prejudices that remain. This is by no an attempt to minimize the issues surrounding the importance of racial and socioeconomic inclusion and engagement for students of color on BS campuses. The NAIS has a section on their website that speaks to the vital need of inclusion in private school settings, complete with its mission statement, programs, policies, events and statistics. Alex825mom also states that most minority parents don’t or aren’t able to get their teens to understand the importance of this life long skill. I would further that by saying that most parents in general don’t instill the notion that fostering cross cultural interactions is a skill to be actively cultivated. If the visitors’ perceptions were correct, how did the AA group become self-selected? Did others attempt to sit at a table in the dining hall but were immediately shooed away? Or, did they glance over at the table and immediately opt for another location?</p>

<p>I reminded my son that although many of the kids at the party were born with differences, theoretically, we are all one unfortunate vehicular or sports accident away from requiring the resources of this organization. I want him to understand that importance of inclusion works both ways. </p>

<p>So Kudos to GS for its forward thinking approach in not only encouraging its students to venture out in the community to achieve great outcomes but also for inviting the community “home.”</p>

<p>Shout out to the Miracle League of Bucks County, PA for encouraging its participants to accept this welcoming invitation. </p>

<p>And of course, big up to those wonderful GS students who attended Friday night, those who love to party and were not deterred one bit the attendee list. Whether they realized it or not, their actions demonstrated the very important understanding that whether on the dance floor or in the dining hall, tolerance and diversity are not the same thing.</p>

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<p>Interesting thread. I have not observed ‘self-segregating’ at my son’s JBS at all, at least among the boarders (which is the group I see most often in action, whether in the dorms, or on snow days playing, etc). Maybe it is because it is a JBS, and younger kids have different tendencies than older kids. Or maybe it is because in their boarding population, there really aren’t <em>any</em> “minority” groups because every race is in the “minority”…all jumbled together in small dorms. It has been a joy to see the kids mix so unselfconsciously. My son’s previous school environment was diverse as well, so I think he sees this as the norm.</p>

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<p>It seems that kids do get more “race concious” and tend to “self-segregate” more as they grow older. being amicable to each other and having a good working relationship is not the same thing as being friends and enjoying hanging out with each other. We see this happening a lot in the adult world. I wonder if we’ll see a significant change with this generation, who are supposed to be more open-minded and “race blind”.</p>

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<p>My D’s best friend at BS is a biracial girl whose AA father went to BS in the 70s. His comment was that in his day our Ds would never have been best friends, and that the his isolating experience at BS was a primary concern when his D wanted to attend. My D’s particular group of friends is pretty integrated. She also went to BS from a diverse community, so also nothing new to her.</p>

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<p>At my son’s school, we noticed his social group in his dorm was made up of a variety of URM groups including AA’s, Asian Americans and Latinos. The white students tended to clump together. It was noticeable.</p>

<p>He said to me that he couldn’t figure out why the white students hung out together when one reason to come to BS is for the diversity. The minority group is made up of mixed races and cultures and he is grateful for the experience.</p>

<p>We wondered why the dorm advisors didn’t make more of an effort to encourage more social mixing.</p>

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<p>A few years ago, our family moved to the southeast from the north. Some friends suggested a school district where the schools were “great”. When I visited the schools in these area, I found out that the school population were almost half Asian and half white, with few AA and Latinos. I talked to the high schoolers in the area and they told me the biggest issue in the school was the self segregating between the Asians and whites. At lunch time, you could see clearly an Asian lunch line and a white lunch line. Some parents told me that the kids were integrated very well until the beginning of the high school. I was concerned and start to search in other areas. I had an interesting observation. In schools where minorities are truly minorities, the minority kids are typically integrated well with the white, this is also true when white kids are in the minority. You can see the self segregation the most when you have a 50/50 situation. I wonder if anyone else has similar observations.</p>

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<p>Dadxyz - Interesting. It almost seems that there may a fear of integrating on equal terms, as it were, when the two groups are evenly numbered. Hard to put a finger on it…by golly, that is curious, though. Wonder what other, more incisive thinkers, feel about that.</p>

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<p>To follow up, perhaps there is some sort of perceived threat to the final identity of the groups that keeps them segregated – which would indicate a rejection of combining identities when push comes to shove…</p>

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<p>Yep - safety in numbers.</p>

<p>That, and boarding school is often the first exposure many minority kids have to “other” cultures. But it is also the first exposure those other cultures have to minorities. So the kids get hit with a lot of assumptions and stereotypes and sometimes segregate to avoid it.</p>

<p>My daughter got told often how “cool it must be to be black.” She said yes if she didn’t have to spend 99% of her time convincing them she wasn’t one of the Flavor of Love girls.</p>

<p>It’s better now - but the initial adjustments while the kids feel each other out is pretty rough. I just had to sit on my hands while the situation reached equilibrium. She’s laughing and giddy and has a pretty big posse now. Which is ideal for boarding school kids – when they stop seeing color and just start seeing the person beneath it.</p>

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<p>Nobody wants to be misunderstood, minority or otherwise. </p>

<p>“Not black enough” is insulting on so many levels. What, did she ask, is she supposed to do in order to be appropriately “black?”</p>

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<p>I like to think that kids tend to take an intuitive approach when it comes to whom to befriend and hang out with. I don’t think most of them are still disliking a peer just because of his/her color or race, but subconsciously they may already have some stereotypes they are not even aware of. On the one hand, cliches and stereotypes die hard (older generations and our media are partly to be blamed…). On the other hand, it takes another level of maturity for teenagers to reach out and embrace diversity and differences, knowing it is an opportunity they can benifit from.</p>

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<p>My d gets the “not black enough” or you must be like Obama- biracial, because she her skin is very light and my skin is very dark (the many shades of our community). My d has spent most of her life in an environment where she was in the minority, thus she doesnt see “color” as what defines her or others. But she was amazed at the number of students that had never had AA classmates and were not sure if she should really be there. After having a term with her in classes the attitude has changed and it seems that the color issue has been put to bed, at least for my d for now.</p>

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<p>I don’t know anything about the boarding school experience, but when my D started getting courted by colleges, she noticed the same kids at all the multicultural things. In addition to the common “not black enough” experience (and I do not mean skin color), many had no black friends. Neither of my kids grew up around other black kids, and it is far easier for them to assimilate with the races they grew up with, than their own. My husband and I wanted them in a more diverse setting so they could be more comfortable with diversity…they were like…whatever…</p>