After five years of failure, how can I make a comeback?

Parents Forum
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<p>(cross-posted in College Life)</p>

<p>I want to first make it clear that I do not want any pity for my situation, so please don't offer it. I would just like practical advice on what I should do next.</p>

<p>I used to visit CollegeConfidential when I was in high school. I was never a radiantly competitive applicant, but I was definitely a run-of-the-mill ambitious overachiever. I was a
straight-A student, I scored 2220/32 on my tests, and I had a debate career that ended in the finals of the state championship (among other wins). I don't mention this to brag; I simply want to make it clear that I have always had the discipline and capability to achieve my goals, so I don't want my story to be pigeonholed into the "rough transition into college" narrative.</p>

<p>I have always had issues with anxiety and panic attacks, although they had never previously interefered with my ability to function. I went to a small private liberal-arts school for my first year of college. The academics were great, and I loved my classes and my professors. However, it was clear from day one that I was a fish out of water with regard to the campus culture, which was wealthier and more conservative than what I was used to. I can't ascertain how relevant the culture shock was to what ended up happening, but it probably didn't help.</p>

<p>During the first semester, the frequency of my panic attacks went from occasional to frequent, often more than once or twice a day. For those who don't know, panic attacks should not be confused with "anxiety attacks"; a panic attack is a physical reaction in your sympathetic nervous system that creates a positive feedback loop of adrenaline release, which is essentially an overdose of adrenaline. I get defensive about my panic disorder sometimes; while attitude adjustments and cognative behavioral therapy help, neither of those things fix my internal wiring which predisposes me to have panic attacks. That's why it can easily get out of control.</p>

<p>The time I needed to study began being hijacked by time spent in the library bathroom breathing into a bag. Studying ironically was one of my triggers, and I began to fall behind in my work because of the amount of productivity I was losing. I sought help from the counseling services, but I ended up with a semester GPA of around 2.5.</p>

<p>I'll gloss over many of the other details of my mental health status throughout the rest of the year, since the details aren't important. In spite of a mild upswing in my grades (a 3.3 for the semester), I chose to transfer back home to attend the state university in my hometown.</p>

<p>This is when things truly imploded for me. I was too sick to even maintain basic responsibilities, and I was also too naive to understand how to handle being enrolled while severely ill. Every semester I was convinced that this was the one where I would turn around. However, I still couldn't do my work, no matter how badly I wanted to. In retrospect, I don't believe I should have been enrolled at all, but my advisors encouraged me to keep trying to turn my grades around, which is exactly what I wanted. After four semesters of rock-bottom grades and a year of withdrawn classes, I was finally dismissed from the university.</p>

<p>I entered intensive in-patient psychiatric care in January, and my mental health has dramatically improved since. Now, I'm taking community college classes to get readmitted into the Fall of 2013. </p>

<p>I spoke with a counselor at Student Affairs, who recommended that I petition for late withdrawal from all the courses I have taken here at the university. There's a chance my petition will be rejected, however, which would leave me with a GPA of 1.7.</p>

<p>If I could have any wish, it would be to enroll in the university as a freshman this fall, and finally get the first chance at an education I never had. I want to develop relationships with my professors and participate in all of the opportunities I missed out on. I hate to indulge in self-pity, but my ambitions are the same as they've always been. I still want to apply for grad school in the near future, for instance.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, I have to face reality, and I'm not sure how exactly I should do that. Given my goals, what should I do now?</p>

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<p>Sounds like you’ve done a lot of work on both a personal and academic level. I would pursue any avenue you may have of starting over with the cleanest slate possible at the state school. If your petition fails, I would re-submit going through whatever additional medical reasons you may have available. I don’t know what you want to major in or your career goals. Weigh what you want to do versus the value of the degree you are seeking.
Good luck!</p>

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<p>If the Student Affairs counselor felt you should petition for late withdrawal, he or she must feel that your petition is likely to be accepted. Just be sure that you provide all of the backup material needed to support your petition- doctor’s notes, etc., so they can clearly see your story as well as your recovery.
Many people have false starts and need to re-boot. You’re not alone. And it can turn out well. Thirty-five years ago, my husband bombed his sophomore year at a state university (different reasons- mostly Vietnam War protests) and petitioned to retake his semester of failed coursework over again two years after he left school. They accepted his petition, and he completed his degree with honors in two years, applied for grad school at Princeton and Berkeley and was accepted to both.<br>
My only other advice, in your situation, is not to overestimate your mental health status now, and to continue with outpatient counseling, regardless of how the petition turns out. Also, stay in touch with the university adviser that you talked with. If he can advocate for you, it can only help. Good luck!</p>

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<p>I think moonchild offers some excellent advice. But I would also slow things down and consider attending College on a part time basis. I think you might want to ease yourself back into full throttle mode.</p>

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<p>I think you’re trying to renter too quickly. I know that you’re anxious, but something like this could take years to get over. Do it right with therapy and meds (if prescribed) build a strong base of recovery and then in a year or two, retry college. GL</p>

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<p>Congratulations on all the changes you’ve been able to make to get yourself healthy. That is a remarkable accomplishment that you ought to be proud of. I do agree with the others— I think p/t classes is the next logical step for you. I would be concerned about impacting the good progress by being overwhelmed. Is there a time frame issue? Life is long, after all. What do your friends and family think? What keeps you from being certain of the next step? Go ahead and petition, and see what happens. And stay away from disaster thinking. Try shorter term goals for now, and let grad school come across your horizon in due time.</p>

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<p>Congrats on your recovery – overcoming mental health issues is incredibly challenging in this day and age, when they are common yet heavily stigmatized in many ways.</p>

<p>On that note, I would agree with sosomenza – you may be jumping back into things too quickly. Six months may not be enough of a solid mental health foundation to re-enter the stressful college environment, particularly since academic things (studying, etc) seem to be triggers for you. I would recommend going ahead with the petition to withdraw from all past classes and clear your GPA, but in the meantime, consider taking community college classes while continuing to focus on your mental health. Staying close to home (or wherever you were receiving treatment) would probably be a smart move. Good luck with whatever you choose to do!</p>