Panicking: have I missed too much school to recover from this?

<p>Hi, and thanks for taking the time out:</p>

<p>I'm a seventeen-year old sophomore who should be a junior (my birthday was a couple of days ago) attending a bad public school and I've been panicking for the past couple of months. I want to make myself clear: I'm not looking for pity. I need a plan; a way to pull myself up and succeed while there's still time to do it, assuming I haven't wasted all of it.</p>

<p>My mom is a single parent. She trains race horses but doesn't make any money, so we move around constantly due to late rent and horse job possibilities located elsewhere, usually. During my freshman year I attended three different high schools. We've led this lifestyle since I was a kid. I never had any friends (I still don't have any). </p>

<p>My issues with depression and social anxiety began before eighth grade, but that was when I was diagnosed. I was prescribed medication which I didn't take. It was as distressing and confusing as it sounds. Before this happened, I would be chronically absent and tardy. I assume Mom was more concerned about her job than I, and I had never understood the importance of school until later. I just hated going. I was awkward and quiet, and while I wasn't teased especially it was difficult for me to communicate with others by myself. It got so bad that we went to court for it--juvenile delinquency, I think. I got off but I came pretty close to foster care.</p>

<p>I had been like that since daycare; my "shyness" was manageable when I was a child (motherly, precocious friends or Mom herself) but once middle school and high school (especially high school) came along my performance rapidly declined. I would be put in advanced classes because of intelligence in elementary but would never do the work or participate. I was reading at a college level but could not, for my life, concentrate. I never showed up, and when I did, I didn't do the work. This continued into freshman year.</p>

<p>That's when I finally started caring about my schoolwork; a guest speaker came to my class and talked to us about college, volunteering and scholarships. It bowled me over. I had honestly not even known about any of those things until that moment, and it was scary. I finally tried to concentrate on my work and do well, and I pushed myself to overcome my social awkwardness. My absences and tardiness weren't as bad as before (court scare) either. I think that was the first time I'd ever gotten straight A's.</p>

<p>But we moved again, everywhere, and my depression and social anxiety came back again. I tried telling Mom how unhappy I was, and she claimed to be sympathetic and apologetic, but nothing changed. I was pretty miserable, and all the moves we were making were having a negative effect on my education--I would be placed in one class in one school, we'd move, and then I'd end up in another class with content I'd never seen before. There were huge gaps in my schooling and I'm sure figuring out credits was a nightmare for my counselors, too.</p>

<p>Mom was having trouble paying rent (again) during my sophomore year; our power got cut off. She met a man two months prior who she'd hit it off with and we ended up moving in with him. It went about as well as you'd expect. </p>

<p>There wasn't any violence involved, but he was an alcoholic and it was not a good situation. I was once again in a new school and still as socially awkward as ever; I was polite and friendly and everything but I still had social anxiety. I was extremely self-conscious and insecure and I didn't know how to handle the harmless teasing I sometimes received from a particular group at school. I'm mixed race and the school was predominantly white, and that coupled with my general social handicap just kind of did me in. I would wake up, go to school and have anxiety attacks, and then come home to my Mom and the guy we moved in with. I didn't know how to tell Mom what I was feeling; I didn't think she would care and I was angry at her. I had a hysterical crying fit one late school night, sobbing into my pillow, and the next morning I just stopped going to school.</p>

<p>That was last February. Since then we moved in with an old family friend who wasn't the person Mom remembered her as. This lady lets her daughters (17 and 20) drink, smoke and do drugs. They stay up late and party. Sometimes it gets violent. We've been staying with them since last April.</p>

<p>I finally went back to school last February after an entire year out. I'm now finishing up my sophomore year of high school.</p>

<p>I've screwed up my education so badly, and now my social anxiety is kicking in again after I spent just a month back in school. I was at first excited to be back, and determined not to let it affect me again, but it did: I've started missing a bunch of days again and my grades have consequently slipped.</p>

<p>I realized how bad I was getting when I seriously considered killing myself a couple weeks ago. I told Mom a few days later, and she said that once she got health insurance I could see a therapist. I've looked up emancipation laws in my state since then (Mom refuses to let me move out) but there is no statute. </p>

<p>(I think all of my issues with social situations and people in general may be due to Asperger's Syndrome, which is what we're going to test me for once the health insurance comes in.)</p>

<p>Now, considering all of this, I just want to know what my educational options are. It's too late to apply to a different, better school in my area, but summer is coming up and looking at all of the talented and deserving people on this forum, I'm scared out of my mind that I won't have the freedom to go where I want or do what I want to during college.</p>

<p>I've participated in band since fifth grade when I took up the flute but I'm not really any good. I also joined one of my school's choirs two years ago and then again this year. I also auditioned for honors choir here and made it for next year (of course, I don't know if I'll even be attending this school next year). There was a stint in track in freshman year, too, but that's basically the extent of my extracurriculars. And like I said, my grades have slipped because I've started missing school again.</p>

<p>I'm determined to succeed this time, but I don't know what opportunities are available to me or if it even matters how well I do at this point. I want to succeed and to try, but I can't believe how badly I screwed up. I'm not sure this is the type of thing I can recover from. Would a good college care about my sob story? It won't be enough to just spin an emotional appeal; I need the grades too.</p>

<p>I really appreciate any help and advice! I want to get into some stuff this summer, so maybe some suggestions about summer programs or possible classes/lessons I could take? I realize it's too late for most things but anything still available would be fantastic. I'm heading down to Georgia this summer, and I'll be taking private voice lessons at the local university, but that's all I've got so far. An internship of some kind would be great but once again, I have no idea where to start.</p>

<p>I just don't know what to do. I've tried fighting this and I've failed. I don't even know if "overcoming adversity" would be attractive to an admissions officer if the applicant were just some irresponsible teen who couldn't get up in the mornings. What can I do? I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life but now I don't know that either. I need to know my options. I need to figure my life out.</p>

<p>I apologize if any of this is inappropriate or in the wrong forum. Thank you so much for reading this far, and thank you in advance for any responses.</p>

<p>First, your long post will not get you many reads. Second, you should speak with your school guidance counselor to develop a good list of colleges to target. Good luck to you.</p>

<p>There may well be free help in your strategy. Talk to a school counselor and see if they can help you get therapy and start a discussion about college.</p>

<p>You have not screwed up, life has dealt you a bad hand.</p>

<p>Do speak with your guidance counselor. Clearly you do love your mother, but it may be time for the two of you to consider an alternate place for you to live so that you can have a stable situation while completing high school. Find out if there are any other relatives (maybe even your father’s family?) who can give you that kind of environment for just two or three years. </p>

<p>You also should discuss the possibility of home-schooling or online high school. That way when your mom needs to move again for her work, you will be able to take your school with you, so to speak. For some ideas on how that could work out, see [Home</a> Schooling and College - College Confidential](<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/home-schooling-college/]Home”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/home-schooling-college/)</p>

<p>Because your mom has such financial difficulties, it will be very hard for her to help you pay for college. You need to do your best to get good grades and test scores so that you increase your chances for scholarships. Talk with your guidance counselor about that as well.</p>

<p>Wishing you all the best.</p>

<p>I have spoken with Mom and she is allowing me to stay with her old ex-boyfriend over summer. They were in a relationship for years and he has stayed in contact with me since I was small; he’s the closest thing I have to a father figure in my life. I’m hoping that my summer stay will turn into living with him until it’s time for me to go to college, but Mom said that this is only until she can get back on her feet. I have no family besides my uncle and his wife, and when I asked to stay with them their suggestion was to place me in a group home in the area. My mother is basically all I’ve got.</p>

<p>My county does offer online classes, but semester courses are $125 and full-year courses are $175. I’ve asked Mom about homeschooling, but she doesn’t want to and I know a lot of institutions look down on homeschool.</p>

<p>I’ll make an appointment with my guidance counselor and talk to her about what’s been going on. </p>

<p>Thank you very much for your help, everyone. I appreciate it.</p>

<ul>
<li>OVERRIDE: if you stay at the same school, see if you can an override on some of your grades, assuming you achieve the necessary qualifications</li>
<li>GRADES/ATTENDANCE:Make it a priority to get straight A’s + perfect attendance</li>
<li>TESTS: Start studying for the PSAT/SAT/ACT which you will take as a junior - if you get in the top 1%ish (if you a minority you can score much lower and receive the prize) in the nation on the PSAT you can win $2500 dollars, good scores on SAT and ACT can get you into great colleges</li>
<li>EXCEL IN ONE: Find one area you have a passion for whether you’ve begun pursuing it or not. Pursue this: colleges like to see excellence in one or a few areas and typically not jack-of-all trades. e.g. my two main passions are music and Jesus - thus i compose music, play at restauraunts for money, play at competitions etc… and am involved heavily with my church and have bible studies with friends. </li>
<li>FRIENDS: You need some people who you can rely on, some people who can force you to go to school and do your homework if you dont feel like it. Make it a priority to be extra nice and caring to any people you meet (even strangers) - eventually you will find a quality friend who may still help you out, even if you move.</li>
</ul>

<p>stay faithful, and colleges will see the dramatic change in your performance. There’s also always the chance that your path to stability may not come from success in highschool/ college but through elsewhere. You can recover - I had a friend who missed weeks of school last year and this year because of panic attacks, drugs, and arrests for drug dealing. He’s now more on track and has straight A’s. Alot can happen in 2 years.</p>

<p>I would like to encourage you to look into staying with a female very solid trustworthy teacher over the summer instead of your mom’s ex-boyfriend. He might be great, but there are just too many things that could go wrong with that setup. Ask your school counselor if there are any teachers they know of that might be willing to host you for the summer or even next year if you get a very part time job and pay for your food and your share of utilities. This could give you stability and some mentoring. A female teacher or a couple who both teach might be your best bet in my personal opinion. Ask the counselor to ask around and even ask other teachers if they knew of a good situation for you. Some kids get declared adults early and get a bit of money for a small apartment near the school. I think it would be better to be with a mature teacher though. We all need someone to help us out sometimes.</p>

<p>I also want to mention that if you can find a stable situation and get good grades your last year, you can very much use the reality of what you faced in a well written essay to show adcomms who you rose to the top despite the many challenges before. Tell them what you faced and then tell them about your decision not to let that stop you from being all you could be and then tell them about the specific steps you took to extricate yourself from the chaos so you could move forward. </p>

<p>I was assuming you were a girl and suggested you stay with a female teacher, but if you are a male, a couple might be better. Always protect yourself.</p>

<p>Oh, if you do find a stable living situation and get really high grades and good recommendations, you might end up with a killer scholarship. You have every reason to be hopeful so long as you proactively get a safe, stable living situation and get good grades and test scores from here on out. Tell your mom you’re doing it for her so she has less of a load and so you’ll be in a better position to look after her when she’s old.</p>