<p>Hi, and thanks for taking the time out:</p>
<p>I'm a seventeen-year old sophomore who should be a junior (my birthday was a couple of days ago) attending a bad public school and I've been panicking for the past couple of months. I want to make myself clear: I'm not looking for pity. I need a plan; a way to pull myself up and succeed while there's still time to do it, assuming I haven't wasted all of it.</p>
<p>My mom is a single parent. She trains race horses but doesn't make any money, so we move around constantly due to late rent and horse job possibilities located elsewhere, usually. During my freshman year I attended three different high schools. We've led this lifestyle since I was a kid. I never had any friends (I still don't have any). </p>
<p>My issues with depression and social anxiety began before eighth grade, but that was when I was diagnosed. I was prescribed medication which I didn't take. It was as distressing and confusing as it sounds. Before this happened, I would be chronically absent and tardy. I assume Mom was more concerned about her job than I, and I had never understood the importance of school until later. I just hated going. I was awkward and quiet, and while I wasn't teased especially it was difficult for me to communicate with others by myself. It got so bad that we went to court for it--juvenile delinquency, I think. I got off but I came pretty close to foster care.</p>
<p>I had been like that since daycare; my "shyness" was manageable when I was a child (motherly, precocious friends or Mom herself) but once middle school and high school (especially high school) came along my performance rapidly declined. I would be put in advanced classes because of intelligence in elementary but would never do the work or participate. I was reading at a college level but could not, for my life, concentrate. I never showed up, and when I did, I didn't do the work. This continued into freshman year.</p>
<p>That's when I finally started caring about my schoolwork; a guest speaker came to my class and talked to us about college, volunteering and scholarships. It bowled me over. I had honestly not even known about any of those things until that moment, and it was scary. I finally tried to concentrate on my work and do well, and I pushed myself to overcome my social awkwardness. My absences and tardiness weren't as bad as before (court scare) either. I think that was the first time I'd ever gotten straight A's.</p>
<p>But we moved again, everywhere, and my depression and social anxiety came back again. I tried telling Mom how unhappy I was, and she claimed to be sympathetic and apologetic, but nothing changed. I was pretty miserable, and all the moves we were making were having a negative effect on my education--I would be placed in one class in one school, we'd move, and then I'd end up in another class with content I'd never seen before. There were huge gaps in my schooling and I'm sure figuring out credits was a nightmare for my counselors, too.</p>
<p>Mom was having trouble paying rent (again) during my sophomore year; our power got cut off. She met a man two months prior who she'd hit it off with and we ended up moving in with him. It went about as well as you'd expect. </p>
<p>There wasn't any violence involved, but he was an alcoholic and it was not a good situation. I was once again in a new school and still as socially awkward as ever; I was polite and friendly and everything but I still had social anxiety. I was extremely self-conscious and insecure and I didn't know how to handle the harmless teasing I sometimes received from a particular group at school. I'm mixed race and the school was predominantly white, and that coupled with my general social handicap just kind of did me in. I would wake up, go to school and have anxiety attacks, and then come home to my Mom and the guy we moved in with. I didn't know how to tell Mom what I was feeling; I didn't think she would care and I was angry at her. I had a hysterical crying fit one late school night, sobbing into my pillow, and the next morning I just stopped going to school.</p>
<p>That was last February. Since then we moved in with an old family friend who wasn't the person Mom remembered her as. This lady lets her daughters (17 and 20) drink, smoke and do drugs. They stay up late and party. Sometimes it gets violent. We've been staying with them since last April.</p>
<p>I finally went back to school last February after an entire year out. I'm now finishing up my sophomore year of high school.</p>
<p>I've screwed up my education so badly, and now my social anxiety is kicking in again after I spent just a month back in school. I was at first excited to be back, and determined not to let it affect me again, but it did: I've started missing a bunch of days again and my grades have consequently slipped.</p>
<p>I realized how bad I was getting when I seriously considered killing myself a couple weeks ago. I told Mom a few days later, and she said that once she got health insurance I could see a therapist. I've looked up emancipation laws in my state since then (Mom refuses to let me move out) but there is no statute. </p>
<p>(I think all of my issues with social situations and people in general may be due to Asperger's Syndrome, which is what we're going to test me for once the health insurance comes in.)</p>
<p>Now, considering all of this, I just want to know what my educational options are. It's too late to apply to a different, better school in my area, but summer is coming up and looking at all of the talented and deserving people on this forum, I'm scared out of my mind that I won't have the freedom to go where I want or do what I want to during college.</p>
<p>I've participated in band since fifth grade when I took up the flute but I'm not really any good. I also joined one of my school's choirs two years ago and then again this year. I also auditioned for honors choir here and made it for next year (of course, I don't know if I'll even be attending this school next year). There was a stint in track in freshman year, too, but that's basically the extent of my extracurriculars. And like I said, my grades have slipped because I've started missing school again.</p>
<p>I'm determined to succeed this time, but I don't know what opportunities are available to me or if it even matters how well I do at this point. I want to succeed and to try, but I can't believe how badly I screwed up. I'm not sure this is the type of thing I can recover from. Would a good college care about my sob story? It won't be enough to just spin an emotional appeal; I need the grades too.</p>
<p>I really appreciate any help and advice! I want to get into some stuff this summer, so maybe some suggestions about summer programs or possible classes/lessons I could take? I realize it's too late for most things but anything still available would be fantastic. I'm heading down to Georgia this summer, and I'll be taking private voice lessons at the local university, but that's all I've got so far. An internship of some kind would be great but once again, I have no idea where to start.</p>
<p>I just don't know what to do. I've tried fighting this and I've failed. I don't even know if "overcoming adversity" would be attractive to an admissions officer if the applicant were just some irresponsible teen who couldn't get up in the mornings. What can I do? I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life but now I don't know that either. I need to know my options. I need to figure my life out.</p>
<p>I apologize if any of this is inappropriate or in the wrong forum. Thank you so much for reading this far, and thank you in advance for any responses.</p>