This week in Boulder, CO, 5 parents, a limo driver, 2 operators of fake ID businesses, and 1 (or maybe 2) liquor store owners were indicted because a 17 year old attended parties and was drinking in a limo prior to the Prom, then drove her own car and killed 2 people. It wasn’t clear if she even went to the prom (there was an area at the school for students who were drunk to wait for a parent to come get them and it wasn’t clear if she was ever there).
It may happen ‘all the time’ but if the adults look the other way, it will never stop. I think the OP has the right to expect the school to crack down on dorm drinking, drinking at/before sporting events at the school.
I don’t disagree that kids “should” be monitored enough at boarding school to basically eliminate drinking. However I also think it’s important to know before you go that they are not.
To be clear, I don’t condone-plenty of parents locally supply kids with alchohol or look the other way and we do not. I also expect the school to crack down on drinking, never look the other way and do as much as possible to make sure it’s not happening. But realistically it’s impossible and a tale as old as time: teenagers will drink and do drugs. We can not underestimate our job as parents to talk to our kids about these things, ask them about what they would do in different situations and give them talking points if they want to be able to refuse or not participate.
At our public middle school, in my daughter’s class, the “popular kids” had a graduation party at which a bunch of parents purchased alcohol for them. (She wasn’t invited )
At least one was kicked out of her BS for drinking last year (not the first strike), and she reported that there are always kids drinking at dances. But I agree- she’ll not have been exposed to as much as she would have been if she went to public school through high school.
My kid has seen both drugs and alcohol at BS. None of it was a surprise. Make sure your student is well versed in what the discipline procedures are (as well as sanctuary) and that even if they don’t see them applied, the school can at any point enforce those procedures and it could be them that gets caught up in it. The thought of getting kicked out and how we would feel if we ended up wasting a considerable amount of money is enough to keep my kid away and no one has pushed him to participate after he has told them he’s not in the position to get kicked out.
Not all schools have a sanctuary policy, but it’s an avenue where someone can turn in an at-risk student for drugs/alcohol violation, before they get caught, allowing the student to receive treatment rather than punishment.
To add to the idea of sanctuary, it can often also be used to get immediate help for a student with no punishment if they are in danger (passed out from drinking, etc). It helps students to take care of their classmates without fear of negative consequences.
I think it depends on the school as to how supervised the events are and whether the staff/faculty “look the other way”. My son told me at his school that yes, some students drink, he is also aware of students who have been expelled for it and yet some students continue to drink. Like another said, the students know the potential consequences and some still think they can (and probably often do) " get away with it.". Did your freshman report that staff/faculty witnessed drinking or interacted with an obviously impaired student and not intervene (which i would be concerned about) or was their fellow student showing them the way they can “get away with it” (unfortunately common high school behavior)? They also learned a valuable lesson in finding the friend group they are comfortable with an being responsible for themselves.
Edited to add - kudos to you that your child was comfortable sharing that with you so you have the opportunity to help guide them in this situation. We can never stop being parents
A good reason to get tuition refund insurance. If your child is asked to leave, you will be on the hook for the year’s tuition, even if they are asked to leave in September.
We have had conversations with our DDs over the years, starting in about 6th grade, about drugs, sex and alcohol. As a freshman last year, DD saw an older friend falling down drunk, heard sexual relations going on behind the theater, and had the school remind students that any drugs or alcohol found in a room would be grounds for expulsion and to get rid of them now, no questions asked. She told us about all of that and said how “stupid it would be to get thrown out of school because of that.” Hopefully, her answer as a junior or senior will be the same but I have to trust her judgement now.
As a parent, I was most concerned about the culture of the school when it comes to those things. Is it underground or out in the open–specifically are faculty and staff aware and complicit by looking the other way? Are there clear and consistent consequences for students? Is there grace for first time offenders (unless egregious)? Is there a sanctuary policy to protect roommates and reduce fear of helping students in distress? I asked these questions of the administration, of course, but also of parents that I knew and my daughter asked it of some students that she knew. Hopefully we got accurate information.
The fact that your child shared the information is fantastic. You asked about whether there’s supervision; what did your child say?
At our local private schools (not boarding) there is a clear difference between USE and dealing… I’d assume that faculty/staff at boarding schools are trained in this distinction as well. Getting away with it (whether underage drinking or moderate recreational drug use) is one thing- setting up a clearly illegal enterprise to make money off your fellow classmates is another.
I agree about the culture of the school. My D’s went to a private school (not boarding) with a zero tolerance policy for drugs and alcohol. Her freshman class had 250 students but by graduation there was only 204. Most of those were expelled for violating the drug/alcohol policy. A neighbor’s son went to a different private boarding school near by where drug use was rampant and teachers and administrators looked the other way. Their son became an addict and eventually took his life (much later) and to this day the parents still blame the school for creating an atmosphere of indifference which allowed the drug use to escalate.
My child felt that there was no supervision at the event. Beginning in middle school, we have been talking to our children about alcohol/drugs and the consequences.
Interesting that they blamed the school and not their own parenting. Most parents instruct their kids from a very early age how they feel about drugs and alcohol. Maybe even better, they show by their actions how they feel about use/abuse. While a school is certainly expected to watch kids and make sure they don’t have access, most of the kids we’ve seen get into drugs and alcohol have parents who looked the other way. We’ve even seen a few kids who post about their drug/alcohol use and their friends parents know about it; Yet, they “have no idea” How can the whole town/school know your kid has a problem but you have no idea what is going on? Hmm.
Former private school kid from Colorado (a pretty drug-saturated state) here; with a few exceptions, most kids were never under the influence of drugs/alcohol while on school grounds. Pregaming school events (football games, dances, etc.) was common though, particularly by junior/senior year.
From my observation, though, this is how things are at any school, regardless of how much socioeconomic shelter they are given by their private status.
ready for when parents of freshmen figure out some of the high school kids are having sex on campus, too.
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