<p>SimpleRules: The RA won’t be in the dorm for three nights. </p>
<p>Daduni: You’re the second to recommend a hotel, and I’m not seeing that as an option. There’s no hotel near campus, unless you want to count a $200/nt bed and breakfast. Anyway, that’s not a possibility. (And, I’m not such a helicopter parent that I’m staying in town. We live 4 hours away). She’s an athlete, there for a D1 team, under D1/NCAA guidelines. This isn’t a commuter school. It’s the kind of place where the “experience” counts. </p>
<p>The concern is simply that, as luck would have it, she’s assigned to a small dorm (for the year) where she will initially be the only student in residence for 3 nights. Then the RA moves in, followed by a someone from an activities cohort the next day, and band members after that. All we really want is a temporary key to another dorm, so she can stay in a dorm with other occupants (with at least some of them being female!)–until there are other residents in her dorm.</p>
<p>For those who are recommending a hotel, it seems like we don’t understand each other, with regard to the importance of being part of a team and available for all activities, whether it is the 6am run, or the 10 pm scrimmage. </p>
<p>Let’s play a game. If this was Princeton, and you kid was a D1 recruit, would you get your kid a room at the Nassau Inn, or would you expect the University to find a workable solution with safety at the forefront? </p>
<p>As someone pointed out, but not on this thread, this is one of those situations where the leadership/administrators don’t seem to be thinking, “how would this look if something bad happened?”</p>
<p>MOM22, in my opinion you do not have to defend yourself at all! Your concerns are legit - if the situation seems not appropriate to you and not appropriate to your D then guess what - it’s not appropriate for your family! </p>
<p>I’m going to hope the coach steps in and helps you out like SOON! Is it possible that she move into her regular room, but just pack a duffle and camp out with a teammate until others move in her dorm? She can stop by her room once or twice a day to get stuff she needs, but not be “living” there.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t stand for this either. Some colleges are very lax about security on campus, which I cannot fathom. There is no way I would be willing to leave my freshman D in a dorm, alone, for three nights! It’s a little different if she’d been living there and was staying during holidays. Even so, the security issues remain the same. I hope you get some satisfaction soon.</p>
<p>I’ve been almost alone in a dorm. I came back 3 days early from spring break (to work on some hw) and there was maybe 2 other people on my floor. </p>
<p>Quiet, yes</p>
<p>creepy, not really</p>
<p>does the dorm have key entry? Ours uses card swipe.</p>
<p>When I moved into my dorm, it was a few days before anyone else did. I think there were four of us total in the entire dorm. And coming from someone who rarely get scared by people sneaking around corners or sudden noises, it was terrifying for me. Being the only person there for spring break was one thing since at least I knew people had stuff in their rooms, which made it seem less empty, but it’s weird being in what feels like an abandoned building.</p>
<p>I’m sure your daughter will be safe considering the amount of security with most dorms. However, that doesn’t mean anything for her nerves or safety outside of the dorms. I think someone mentioned it already, but is there any way for her to unpack in her room and then share a room with another athlete who’s alone? I’d mostly be worried about her being completely alone in a building that’s far from the center of campus. If she gets out of practice or something later, that’s just spelling danger without having anyone nearby to help.</p>
<p>We had this problem last year. My scaredy-cat daughter moved in to her dorm alone a week early for band camp. I looked all around the building after we dropped her off, but didn’t see a single soul. I thought she would never make it through the night, yet she did just fine. I did get her the phone numbers for the front desk, but she never had to call. After the first night, she had made some friends and moved on with her college life. </p>
<p>She is unlikely to get murdered. Let her grow up.</p>
<p>This will not sound very nice, but if you haven’t played the liability card yet, you might think about it. Something like: “I would think that the university would be concerned about its liability should something happen to a student who is alone in a dorm.” An athlete could pass out and crack her head because she is so dehydrated after working out all day in the 95-degree heat. There are lots of things and many reasons that staying alone is perhaps not the best solution. Hope you get the news you want tomorrow.</p>
<p>I really am trying to stay out of things and let my daughter handle things, but I did make one call this past year and said something about liability and the tone of a call changed.</p>
<p>As the first person to suggest a hotel, I just have to say that no one here suggested it out of malice; just as a viable option if it comes down to it. And to “play” your game…yes, I would hope that the school could accommodate me, but if not, would put my D up in a hotel if safety was such an overriding concern. The vast majority of universities have inns/hotels/motels in close proximity, so it’s pretty reasonable to assume that one would be available. Clearly, there isn’t one available where your D is going. Unfortunate. But you really don’t need to jump down people’s throats for making a fairly reasonable suggestion. Also, this assertion that staying with D in a hotel for a few nights to ensure safety and comfort would make you a “helicopter” parent is just nuts. Especially given that you’re the one contacting the coach, administration, CC and kind of freaking out about the whole situation.</p>
<p>MD Mom, the concerns you express are those of my H. With heat and challenging workouts, there can be medical issues. She’s the type to not complain at first and then have a more serious issues later. Once at a tournament she had a concussion. The hit came in the early afternoon, and we hadn’t seen it, we thought the onset of exhaustion and nausea was heat exhaustion or dehydration. If she’d gone back to her room alone, it would have been a much bigger problem. So, the “L” word has it’s place. </p>
<p>I agree with others if she were already comfortable with her dorm, this would be a non-issue (ie., the spring or fall break example). She would know people, and would know the night creaks of the building. I remember spending a really fun summer in a dorm with only about six of us–but we had already been at school a couple of years by then and knew our way around and how to get things done on campus. </p>
<p>So far, I’ve only communicated with housing to ask about the dorm arrivals as expressed here, and H wrote the coach to advise D would be alone in the building and that we are trying to find a workable solution. H and coach have had an email and phone relationship for the past year or so. </p>
<p>Calgirl77, I don’t feel that I am freaking out, but rather that I am trying to find a solution – but I don’t hold the keys. D is advocating for herself in many regards. She’ll probably just drag a bag to someone else’s room if this doesn’t get a more formal solution.</p>
<p>Mom, I completely agree with your concerns and would not allow my daughter to stay in a dorm under those circumstances. As an adult I don’t think I’d be comfortable staying in a new dorm alone. What a terrible way to begin her year at school. </p>
<p>Those that have mentioned that they stayed alone in their dorm over a break are overlooking the fact that they had already lived in the dorm and were therefore comfortable with the surroundings.</p>
<p>I’d do whatever it takes to make sure this situation is rectified, perhaps keeping her home for the extra 3 days if no other solution is found.</p>
<p>It is not unusual for athletes to be on campus when class isn’t in session. I’d have contact with the coach about your concerns, as well as residential services. That being said…your daughter will probably end up “crashing in” with other team mates in their dorm. Sounds like a great opportunity for her to make new friends. Teams bond during their special times on campus. She will not have a problem crashing in a team mates room.</p>
<p>Lafayette College has 2300 students, so either Residence Life or the dean in charge of student life should be responsive to your inquiries, even if the coach isn’t. That’s one of the big benefits of small LACs, right? The personal attention?</p>
<p>The only reason I mentioned the RA was that my D is in the same predicament - the only one in the dorm for at least one night but we think the RA might be there. As D is a rising sophomore she does NOT want a fuss, and will deal with it. But if she were a freshman I would not be happy at all. I’m all about stepping back and rarely get involved, especially on the college level, but I would have a problem with this scenario. Best of luck!</p>
<p>I don’t know how the RA situation for student athletes at my school (I am a student), though I am pretty sure all the athletes move in to the same building, whether their room for the year or temporary, at least until the school year starts and all the other students move in. Most of our athletes are also there a month or two sooner than the other students, though, so I do not think the RAs are there yet. However, RAs are there a week or two before all the other students arrive, and since she is moving in only a few days early, I do not see why on Earth no RA would be there. Does this school not have training for their RAs which they are required to be on campus sooner than the general student body for??? Seems sketchy to me.</p>
<p>Worst case scenario? Get a twin size air mattress and see if she can crash on it in someone else’s room for those few days.</p>
<p>So at night, her room will be the only one with a light on? And perhaps she may walk back there alone at night? It’s unfathomable that the administration would do this to an incoming freshman girl. Big liability for the school. Talk to their legal or risk management department. And she shouldn’t have to camp out on someone’s floor. Sounds like there are plenty of empty beds in the more populated dorms. And it sounds like the decision-making admin people aren’t aware of this situation.</p>
<p>Update: As of today housing, coach, player and parents agree that D will not stay alone in her dorm. We will set up her room, but she will stay with another player (in another dorm) until her dorm has additional occupants. It’s a reasonable resolution and we are pleased that all are on the same page. She’ll be a lot happier (and safer!) being with others. Thanks for your insights!</p>
<p>I’m glad this worked out. My D had to go back a week early last year. She was in a five story dorm with nobody around. She did look up one evening and found a guy standing in her doorway, just looking. He didn’t say a word, just moved on. In spite of indoor temps of over 90 she kept the door locked after that. I called the housing office and asked how I was supposed to feel she was safe. The woman assured me that campus security went by the dorm at least two times a day. I told her to try again. She told me that no one’s keycard would work unless it was supposed to, so any student that had a card but wasn’t on an approved list didn’t have a card that worked. I felt somewhat better. She lived, but I’m still not crazy about the idea of having young ladies living alone in dorms, even for a few days.</p>